[Humour] Best single line in Comedy

[ManOfSussex]

Another Phoenix Nights one from the 'Quiz Night' episode:

The answer was.....the Shroud of Turin.
Oh shit...what did we have?
Lisa Stansfield.

 

[dejavuatbtn]

She had a nice smile and wooden teeth that she bought in a chemist’s in Augsburg despite the fire risk.
(Princess Mitzy Gaynor in Python’s Happy Valley)

 

[Trust Me I’m A Stomach]

Your phone calls tonight have been described variously as ‘rabid’, ’pig-ignorant’ and ‘stultifyingly ill-informed’. Thanks for those.

 

[Seagull58]

Nothing you guys have come up with comes anywhere close to these two.

Four candles?

 

[Is it PotG?]

'Look out, here come the Jolly Green Giant'

 

[Seagull58]

Rik: What's good for a hangover?
Vyvian: 8 pints of lager.

 

[Cosmic Joker]

"OK one last time; these are small but the ones out there are far away"

 

[Is it PotG?]

Mike: 'I didn't want the first one'

Mike: 'I know 'standing on the landing' may be a great song title, to me it's just a tax loss'

 

[North Carolina Supporter]

From the Smartest American Comedy- (low bar) Broadcast News

Blonde TV Anchor: What do you do when real life exceeds your wildest dreams?
Albert Brooks: Keep it to yourself!

 

[North Carolina Supporter]

From the Smartest American Comedy- (low bar) Broadcast News

Blonde TV Anchor: What do you do when real life exceeds your wildest dreams?
Albert Brooks: Keep it to yourself!

Another scene: the TV network president is talking to the news producer:

Paul Moore: It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room.
Jane Craig: No. It's awful.

 

[BrianB]

'Tis but a flesh wound!..

( Rounding out nicely)..---
Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition...

 

[loz]

“The worst job I have had was picking lobsters from Jane Mansfields _ _ __”

 

[Lever]

I've just come back from a 'once in a lifetime' holiday. I tell ya, never again!

 

[Lever]

Harry Enfield: 'Now I don't think you wanted to do that'!

 

[Lever]

'Look at my girl again and I warn you, you're Geography....'.
'Don't you mean 'History'?'
'Stop changing the subject.....'

 

[BN9 BHA]

 

[Robinjakarta]

A self confessed player of the pink oboe

You are now to retire to consider carefully your verdict of not guilty.

 

[The Clamp]

Nothing you guys have come up with comes anywhere close to these two.

Which is of course, nonsense.

 

[The Clamp]

Malcolm Tucker describing Star Wars;


“The one about the f***ing hairdresser - the space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tin-foil pal and a peddle bin. His father's a robot and he's f***ing f***ed his sister. LEGO: They're all made of f***ing LEGO."

 

[The Clamp]

“I’m a self facilitating media node”