Bell Cheeses at work

[Brian Fantana]

In the style of the Zoom watercooler chat incident above, our company recently did a survey on how people were feeling about working from home (delighted) and how much they were missing social interaction with their colleagues (not at all). Despite the majority of people expressing zero interest in the idea, it was decided by some absolute lunatic that a weekly 45 minute Zoom quiz would be put in everyone's calendar, including the phrase 'All Hands', which already makes me want to set fire to the entire world, in a bid to 'get everyone involved' and make sure no one feels 'isolated' at home.

Happily for those of us with a brain, the first edition of this quiz was such a monumental disaster that the recurring Outlook calendar invite was withdrawn with no further comment. Highlights of the failed edition included the cretinous quiz master having the wrong answer for the very first question of the whole thing, someone else forgetting to mute themselves and asking his Alexa for the answer to most questions (which the rest of us could then hear and therefore copy the answer, with virtually everyone ending up with the same overall score) and a work-related question which revealed that one of the team is currently pregnant, but she didn't want anyone to know and had told the quiz master in secret the week before.

 

[Sid in the Sharknado]

In the style of the Zoom watercooler chat incident above, our company recently did a survey on how people were feeling about working from home (delighted) and how much they were missing social interaction with their colleagues (not at all). Despite the majority of people expressing zero interest in the idea, it was decided by some absolute lunatic that a weekly 45 minute Zoom quiz would be put in everyone's calendar, including the phrase 'All Hands', which already makes me want to set fire to the entire world, in a bid to 'get everyone involved' and make sure no one feels 'isolated' at home.

Happily for those of us with a brain, the first edition of this quiz was such a monumental disaster that the recurring Outlook calendar invite was withdrawn with no further comment. Highlights of the failed edition included the cretinous quiz master having the wrong answer for the very first question of the whole thing, someone else forgetting to mute themselves and asking his Alexa for the answer to most questions (which the rest of us could then hear and therefore copy the answer, with virtually everyone ending up with the same overall score) and a work-related question which revealed that one of the team is currently pregnant, but she didn't want anyone to know and had told the quiz master in secret the week before.

If that's the sort of stuff that goes down on those calls, I really need to stop totally ignoring the invites to them.

 

[Bodian]

In the style of the Zoom watercooler chat incident above, our company recently did a survey on how people were feeling about working from home (delighted) and how much they were missing social interaction with their colleagues (not at all). Despite the majority of people expressing zero interest in the idea, it was decided by some absolute lunatic that a weekly 45 minute Zoom quiz would be put in everyone's calendar, including the phrase 'All Hands', which already makes me want to set fire to the entire world, in a bid to 'get everyone involved' and make sure no one feels 'isolated' at home.

Happily for those of us with a brain, the first edition of this quiz was such a monumental disaster that the recurring Outlook calendar invite was withdrawn with no further comment. Highlights of the failed edition included the cretinous quiz master having the wrong answer for the very first question of the whole thing, someone else forgetting to mute themselves and asking his Alexa for the answer to most questions (which the rest of us could then hear and therefore copy the answer, with virtually everyone ending up with the same overall score) and a work-related question which revealed that one of the team is currently pregnant, but she didn't want anyone to know and had told the quiz master in secret the week before.

Brilliant - thanks for the return of this thread.

 

[WhingForPresident]

In the style of the Zoom watercooler chat incident above, our company recently did a survey on how people were feeling about working from home (delighted) and how much they were missing social interaction with their colleagues (not at all). Despite the majority of people expressing zero interest in the idea, it was decided by some absolute lunatic that a weekly 45 minute Zoom quiz would be put in everyone's calendar, including the phrase 'All Hands', which already makes me want to set fire to the entire world, in a bid to 'get everyone involved' and make sure no one feels 'isolated' at home.

Happily for those of us with a brain, the first edition of this quiz was such a monumental disaster that the recurring Outlook calendar invite was withdrawn with no further comment. Highlights of the failed edition included the cretinous quiz master having the wrong answer for the very first question of the whole thing, someone else forgetting to mute themselves and asking his Alexa for the answer to most questions (which the rest of us could then hear and therefore copy the answer, with virtually everyone ending up with the same overall score) and a work-related question which revealed that one of the team is currently pregnant, but she didn't want anyone to know and had told the quiz master in secret the week before.

Superb

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

So, I'm rapidly approaching 60 and have been in business for years, as you can imagine. I've run things up flag poles, reached out, embraced change, thought inside and outside the box and held way too many thoughts! But, today, on a call someone was tasked with sending me a draft of a project, a simple outline .... in the covering e-mail he said:

"I've sent you the attached straw man to get things going" ...... WTAF!

 

[Easy 10]

We have an office in HH and in London. On Monday one of the (female) consultants who usually works in London worked down here for the day, for a client meeting or somesuch. After hours on Monday evening, an email was sent from one of the managers to everyone, as one of the chaps who works here in HH has a young child who has tested positive for Covid, so he is now getting tested and self-isolating. We've been recommended to have lateral flow tests.

Said female consultant, who read this email on Tuesday morning in the London office, apparently burst into tears at having been "exposed" to this guy who's kid has tested positive. "I can't cope with all this" etc. It doesn't seem to have occurred to this silly bint that she could easily have been exposed to any NUMBER of people who have someone at home who has tested positive, be it on the train in, or wherever. But she's convinced herself that she might potentially have brought the strain from the HH office to London, and is making it known she is very upset. Probably angling for a return to WFH. We all want to love, but no need for the waterworks.

 

[zefarelly]

I've been back in an office over a year and a half now, don't get much bell cheesery in Engineering, but 'gathering up' and taking ownership ' can **** right off.

I do my best to avoid sales and marketing. although we have to co exist as they can't do their jobs without us.

 

[smudge]

I've recently started with a cruise line which is part of a giant organization. I changed from another company where I was for 16 years due to being left home as "not required during cold lay up". (A decision which was after a year deemed to be a big mistake).
Anyway, this giant company I'm now part of; they're very big on mindfulness. Had to go to my cabin & watch a video about mindfulness using meditation. I was encouraged to lie down & close my eyes. I have no idea what the video then went on about, but I had a quality 30 minute kip during working hours.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

I've recently started with a cruise line which is part of a giant organization. I changed from another company where I was for 16 years due to being left home as "not required during cold lay up". (A decision which was after a year deemed to be a big mistake).
Anyway, this giant company I'm now part of; they're very big on mindfulness. Had to go to my cabin & watch a video about mindfulness using meditation. I was encouraged to lie down & close my eyes. I have no idea what the video then went on about, but I had a quality 30 minute kip during working hours.

sounds like they're taking the Mickey out of you.

 

[Hampden Park]

I've recently started with a cruise line which is part of a giant organization. I changed from another company where I was for 16 years due to being left home as "not required during cold lay up". (A decision which was after a year deemed to be a big mistake).
Anyway, this giant company I'm now part of; they're very big on mindfulness. Had to go to my cabin & watch a video about mindfulness using meditation. I was encouraged to lie down & close my eyes. I have no idea what the video then went on about, but I had a quality 30 minute kip during working hours.

No real change from when you were a WAFU then smudge

 

[dazzer6666]

In the style of the Zoom watercooler chat incident above, our company recently did a survey on how people were feeling about working from home (delighted) and how much they were missing social interaction with their colleagues (not at all). Despite the majority of people expressing zero interest in the idea, it was decided by some absolute lunatic that a weekly 45 minute Zoom quiz would be put in everyone's calendar, including the phrase 'All Hands', which already makes me want to set fire to the entire world, in a bid to 'get everyone involved' and make sure no one feels 'isolated' at home.

Happily for those of us with a brain, the first edition of this quiz was such a monumental disaster that the recurring Outlook calendar invite was withdrawn with no further comment. Highlights of the failed edition included the cretinous quiz master having the wrong answer for the very first question of the whole thing, someone else forgetting to mute themselves and asking his Alexa for the answer to most questions (which the rest of us could then hear and therefore copy the answer, with virtually everyone ending up with the same overall score) and a work-related question which revealed that one of the team is currently pregnant, but she didn't want anyone to know and had told the quiz master in secret the week before.[/

THIS is why we have this thread….almost makes me wish I still had a job. Almost.

 

[dazzer6666]

I've recently started with a cruise line which is part of a giant organization. I changed from another company where I was for 16 years due to being left home as "not required during cold lay up". (A decision which was after a year deemed to be a big mistake).
Anyway, this giant company I'm now part of; they're very big on mindfulness. Had to go to my cabin & watch a video about mindfulness using meditation. I was encouraged to lie down & close my eyes. I have no idea what the video then went on about, but I had a quality 30 minute kip during working hours.

A few months before I left my last firm we had a typical ‘global conference’…usual thing, 200 people in a hotel in London at enormous expense to listen to several tedious presentations and take part in some even more tedious ‘break out groups’ etc. Anyway, one of the sessions was on ‘Headspace’, a leading provider of mindfulness ‘tools and techniques’. They’d flown over one of the directors from the US to tell us about it - during which it became apparent that we’d also signed a massive contract with them (as usual with this sort of thing, one of the senior executives had fallen for their bullshit) as we were all given the opportunity to sign up and then go away and encourage our teams to do the same.

It’s an absolute pile of toss, but as you say, 30 mins shuteye on work time sold it to me

 

[Norman Potting]

So, I'm rapidly approaching 60 and have been in business for years, as you can imagine. I've run things up flag poles, reached out, embraced change, thought inside and outside the box and held way too many thoughts! But, today, on a call someone was tasked with sending me a draft of a project, a simple outline .... in the covering e-mail he said:

"I've sent you the attached straw man to get things going" ...... WTAF!

Heard the expression at one company i worked at. Convinced that no one actually understood what it meant - I still don't

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

sounds like they're taking the Mickey out of you.

This was literally my first thought as a response as well, knowing what said cruise line is

 

[Petunia]

THIS is why we have this thread….almost makes me wish I still had a job. Almost.

I completely agree. I find myself grinning and nodding my head as I imagine *enter name here* saying or doing that

 

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

I hear this and just think of The Wicker Man - bloody scary.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

There is a new guy at work.

He does a daily countdown until it’s the weekend every morning.

He doesn’t include the current day in the countdown.

It’s 9:07 on Wednesday, we have another 7 hours and 53 f*cking minutes left of this shift. It is not f*cking 2 days to the weekend you irritating f*cking bellend

It’s a matter of time until I roundhouse kick his head clean off his shoulders.

And all that while working from home.

I salute you

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Just to add, I still smirk when I think of the recent concept of 'winning' research grants (you apply for money to the MRC or BHF to do potentially fife-changing research and you either 'win' the money or they tell you to '**** off') from an acquaintance who is now getting her proposals turned down.

You'd need a heart of stone to not . . . .

Loozerrr!!!

 

[smudge]

sounds like they're taking the Mickey out of you.

I see what you did there

 

[Gabbafella]

The boss of my last job was easily one of the biggest bell cheese's I've ever met. He would constantly make nasty digs about people and then claim to be joking, when in actual fact he was nothing more than a horrible turdy spunk bubble of a ****.
I started looking for a new job after only two weeks there, one of the guys told me to get out as soon as I started, by the time I left, 3 months after joining, 5 of us had left, in a team of 10!
We all got together for a drink the other night and shared a few stories, I hadn't been told about this until the other night but, over Easter the manager brought everyone a crème egg, everyone except a young girl in the office. When she asked him why she hadn't been given one, he replied "well, you are the fattest one here, figured you had enough." Apparently not the first time he had made comments like that either, he was then heard telling her to be careful sitting down as she may snap the chair.
If I had heard it, I'd have happily lost my job by knocking the little wanker out. Thankfully we have all found new jobs and my current job is such a far cry from that toxic atmosphere. Everyone is respectful, happy and polite and my manager tells me on a daily basis how glad she is that she hired me as I'm doing a blinding job.
I don't usually wish ill of people, but I sincerely hope that he gets syphilis, very painful syphilis.