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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Sid in the Sharknado
New member
I'd love to come up with some hilarious rant about the worthlessness of this Doris organised hell [MENTION=70]Easy 10[/MENTION]
But my honest advice is just don't turn up and don't try and excuse it.
I've missed countless "virtual drinks" and "e-coffee" sessions simply by 'forgetting' to log on. It's not contractual and they can't fire you for it.
Well that's clearly the actual right answer, but isn't as amusing as seeing how people react when you tell them that you've recreated Passchendaele in your downstairs toilet.
There is a genuinely serious health issue, that people need a break from their desks and screens during the day, and shouldn't be expected to use up most of their lunchbreak on any sort of meeting.
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Nailed it.
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Do you know what I often do now, to beat the "Teams" system ? I did it this very afternoon, as I quite fancied watching that Bruno vs Tyson thing on Sky Docs Demand (its excellent btw), and had not much else on.
So I have a wireless mouse. I take that mouse, I plonk it on a mousemat on the sofa next to me, and just kind of idly move it around a bit every now and then whilst watching said doc. This also works for the cricket in the mornings, and I'm looking forward to the Masters next month. I would argue that I'm actually MORE efficient these days, as I'm always cracking on to get stuff done so I can have my wavey-mouse time. I watched that Britney Spears thing yesterday as well. And the Tiger Woods doc on Tuesday (I think - the mind plays tricks).
Nothing doesn't get done, I'm always on top of things, and I feel a greater work/life balance has been struck. And I learnt an awful lot about Britney, so its win/win.
So I have a wireless mouse. I take that mouse, I plonk it on a mousemat on the sofa next to me, and just kind of idly move it around a bit every now and then whilst watching said doc. This also works for the cricket in the mornings, and I'm looking forward to the Masters next month. I would argue that I'm actually MORE efficient these days, as I'm always cracking on to get stuff done so I can have my wavey-mouse time. I watched that Britney Spears thing yesterday as well. And the Tiger Woods doc on Tuesday (I think - the mind plays tricks).
Nothing doesn't get done, I'm always on top of things, and I feel a greater work/life balance has been struck. And I learnt an awful lot about Britney, so its win/win.
middletoenail
Well-known member
Maybe you should invest in one of these?
https://www.amazon.com/USB-Mouse-Ji...dp/B07MTF9WCH?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_marketplace
BBassic
I changed this.
- Jul 28, 2011
- 13,034
I don't know if your setup is similar to mine but, when I fancy some "good grief I need to not be at my desk" time, I head over to YouTube and stick on any one of several thousand '24 hours of nothing' videos.
It's just a black screen with no sound that plays for hours and hours but the laptop thinks I'm watching something and doesn't lock itself leaving me free to sit in the garden and contemplate my life choices.
It's just a black screen with no sound that plays for hours and hours but the laptop thinks I'm watching something and doesn't lock itself leaving me free to sit in the garden and contemplate my life choices.
spongy
Well-known member
The company I now work for are Plymouth Bretheren. Their religion states that they cannot listen to music as its classed as sinful, so all radios are banned in all 3 buildings.
They've even disconnected the stereos in ALL company vehicles (including the lorry drivers) that deliver roofing materials and cladding to sites nationwide the poor ********.
I was due to go on break on Thursday morning. Smoking is obviously banned on the property so I actually have to go round the corner for a quick ciggy. I just wanted to get something done so paused whilst on my way out the door, ciggy in mouth and headphones in when the MD approached me from behind.
He made me jump and in doing so I spun round in a startle, unlit ciggy falling from my mouth and muttering a "**** me".
It's difficult to describe the look on his face. But if the earth had opened up right there and then to take me to the depths of hell I don't think he would have minded.
I'm all for people believing what they want to but why force their beliefs onto others? There's loads of little leaflets like the ones J.W post through your door and even a bible in the seating area for customers and clients.
The best one is the MD's PA. She thinks she runs the place. She came in to me last week and wanted a word and told me to put my mask on (whilst she didnt) saying she didn't want me to give her covid........ it doesn't work like that does it
She told me that there has been reports of us leaving the keys in the forklift and it presents a serious H&S breach.
I tried to explain that a parked and switched off forklift does not present a risk. Its only if someone unqualified and untrained (Everyone on site has a license) gets on it. But she wouldn't have it. Daft bint.
The best one is that she came to me on another occasion and asked me not to use the kitchen to make a hot drink or get a drink of water from that kitchen and asked to use the other one in the building over the road. (Even if it's freezing or raining).
Her desk is in the kitchen. She moved her office into the kitchen area as she wanted to be alone and away from the big office upstairs.... and is now fed up with people going into her office to make a drink
She even moved the microwave into our little 6ft square office on shopfloor as she was fed up with people making smelly food in her office.
ITS THE ****ING KITCHEN WOMAN. IF YOU DONT WANT PEOPLE MAKING DRINKS AND FOOD IN YOUR OFFICE THEN DONT MOVE YOUR OFFICE INTO THE ****ING KITCHEN.
Rant over.
They've even disconnected the stereos in ALL company vehicles (including the lorry drivers) that deliver roofing materials and cladding to sites nationwide the poor ********.
I was due to go on break on Thursday morning. Smoking is obviously banned on the property so I actually have to go round the corner for a quick ciggy. I just wanted to get something done so paused whilst on my way out the door, ciggy in mouth and headphones in when the MD approached me from behind.
He made me jump and in doing so I spun round in a startle, unlit ciggy falling from my mouth and muttering a "**** me".
It's difficult to describe the look on his face. But if the earth had opened up right there and then to take me to the depths of hell I don't think he would have minded.
I'm all for people believing what they want to but why force their beliefs onto others? There's loads of little leaflets like the ones J.W post through your door and even a bible in the seating area for customers and clients.
The best one is the MD's PA. She thinks she runs the place. She came in to me last week and wanted a word and told me to put my mask on (whilst she didnt) saying she didn't want me to give her covid........ it doesn't work like that does it
She told me that there has been reports of us leaving the keys in the forklift and it presents a serious H&S breach.
I tried to explain that a parked and switched off forklift does not present a risk. Its only if someone unqualified and untrained (Everyone on site has a license) gets on it. But she wouldn't have it. Daft bint.
The best one is that she came to me on another occasion and asked me not to use the kitchen to make a hot drink or get a drink of water from that kitchen and asked to use the other one in the building over the road. (Even if it's freezing or raining).
Her desk is in the kitchen. She moved her office into the kitchen area as she wanted to be alone and away from the big office upstairs.... and is now fed up with people going into her office to make a drink
She even moved the microwave into our little 6ft square office on shopfloor as she was fed up with people making smelly food in her office.
ITS THE ****ING KITCHEN WOMAN. IF YOU DONT WANT PEOPLE MAKING DRINKS AND FOOD IN YOUR OFFICE THEN DONT MOVE YOUR OFFICE INTO THE ****ING KITCHEN.
Rant over.
The company I now work for are Plymouth Bretheren. Their religion states that they cannot listen to music as its classed as sinful, so all radios are banned in all 3 buildings.
They've even disconnected the stereos in ALL company vehicles (including the lorry drivers) that deliver roofing materials and cladding to sites nationwide the poor ********.
I was due to go on break on Thursday morning. Smoking is obviously banned on the property so I actually have to go round the corner for a quick ciggy. I just wanted to get something done so paused whilst on my way out the door, ciggy in mouth and headphones in when the MD approached me from behind.
He made me jump and in doing so I spun round in a startle, unlit ciggy falling from my mouth and muttering a "**** me".
It's difficult to describe the look on his face. But if the earth had opened up right there and then to take me to the depths of hell I don't think he would have minded.
I'm all for people believing what they want to but why force their beliefs onto others? There's loads of little leaflets like the ones J.W post through your door and even a bible in the seating area for customers and clients.
The best one is the MD's PA. She thinks she runs the place. She came in to me last week and wanted a word and told me to put my mask on (whilst she didnt) saying she didn't want me to give her covid........ it doesn't work like that does it
She told me that there has been reports of us leaving the keys in the forklift and it presents a serious H&S breach.
I tried to explain that a parked and switched off forklift does not present a risk. Its only if someone unqualified and untrained (Everyone on site has a license) gets on it. But she wouldn't have it. Daft bint.
The best one is that she came to me on another occasion and asked me not to use the kitchen to make a hot drink or get a drink of water from that kitchen and asked to use the other one in the building over the road. (Even if it's freezing or raining).
Her desk is in the kitchen. She moved her office into the kitchen area as she wanted to be alone and away from the big office upstairs.... and is now fed up with people going into her office to make a drink
She even moved the microwave into our little 6ft square office on shopfloor as she was fed up with people making smelly food in her office.
ITS THE ****ING KITCHEN WOMAN. IF YOU DONT WANT PEOPLE MAKING DRINKS AND FOOD IN YOUR OFFICE THEN DONT MOVE YOUR OFFICE INTO THE ****ING KITCHEN.
Rant over.
You know, there is a big upside to you staying at PB a bit longer. I’m sure there are many more stories like this to come. Tried any sexist posters or jokes yet?
Thompson720
Well-known member
It's up there with my favourite threads on here haha!
Sent from my SM-G975F using Tapatalk
Thompson720
Well-known member
Not sure how locked down your setup is for installs, but if you Google MouseJiggler, that's what I use.
Can set the timer up to 60 seconds as to how frequent you want it to nudge the mouse cursor. It also has a Zen mode so it can nudge, but doesn't actually move the cursor visually.
Hope this helps/makes things simpler!
Sent from my SM-G975F using Tapatalk
I joined a software company in 2008. It was a small startup, only 30 people in the company and soon after starting a company meal was organised at a local Chinese.
I had a few drinks (obvs) and for some reason the later conversation turned to religion. I went to great pains to loudly, drunkenly and badly explain how I was an atheist and this partly came because I was a fan of the rational logic needed to build IT systems. It was a scientific belief I said and surely no-one here believes in an invisible sky fairy.
The next week someone gently explained to me that the MD's PA was a Jehovah's Witness. She'd been sitting opposite me.
Remarkably she not only carried on talking to me but we actually got on very well. We've both since left but chat on LinkedIn from time to time where she never fails to ask how my lovely family are.
I still feel like a c
t
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
An oscillating fan is your friend here, keep both hands free for "enjoying" Britney.
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
As far as swerving meetings goes, we used to have "team huddles" where you got together with the rest of the team and had a five minute chat about work. Utter bollocks.
I swerved every single one by going to the toilet, being on the phone or working on something important like blue-light stuff or core bearers.
I swerved every single one by going to the toilet, being on the phone or working on something important like blue-light stuff or core bearers.
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Pivot. I have heard this word twice in recent days, when switch or change would have done. Pivot. The new reach out?
Can simply use your watch if it has a second hand - the movement is enough to keep the mouse active as the hand sweeps round.
Brighthelmstone
Well-known member
Unless you're working with complex excel calculations or watching an episode of Friends there really is no need to EVER hear the word pivot!
How about this as a solution?
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/mar/16/zoom-escaper-app-meetings-fake-sounds
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Looks easily sussable. I'll just stick to feeble excuses not to be there - last Friday lunchtime, I was "booked in" to go to the dump.
I'm often booked in to go for a dump.