Bell Cheeses at work

[Falmerfourtickets]

So this ginger posh bloke joined the firm today, kept banging on about how his new wife has pressured him into working.

He also reckons he’s ex army and has a helicopter licence, blokes full of it!


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He’s not called Sean/Shaun is he ?

 

[Justice]

He’s not called Sean/Shaun is he ?

 

[RossyG]

He’s not called Sean/Shaun is he ?

(Whispers): I think he’s called Harry.

 

[dazzer6666]

It’s interesting and entirely off topic for this thread but in theory that’s what I do in my role - overlay our operational process from regulatory change - the key difference being I spent 8 years in client facing roles before moving to this dark side.

A change I made 3 years ago and haven’t looked back and I suppose a CRO role might be my goal in say 5-10 years but as you say motivation to do without fear of regulatory censure has to for a ridiculously good salary...


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We’ve got the full set on here then......I come in and make sure the ‘outcomes’ of the operational processes comply with regulations.........Much better that I find an issue before the narks at the regulators do........but no one seems to appreciate that [emoji23][emoji23]

 

[basque seagull]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

Excellent work! Made me laugh! Two gold stars!

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[pasty]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

How are you feeling this morning? Did a good nights sleep help, if indeed you managed one. Stay strong.

 

[Easy 10]

How are you feeling this morning? Did a good nights sleep help, if indeed you managed one. Stay strong.

Better thanks, just taking it day by day. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but in time I think I can learn to come to terms with it. The knowledge that I'm 'damaged goods' is not something I'll ever be able to fully reconcile - whats done is done, I can't undo what I said that day. Its just a process to get well again, or as well as I ever can be.

 

[Norman Potting]

Better thanks, just taking it day by day. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but in time I think I can learn to come to terms with it. The knowledge that I'm 'damaged goods' is not something I'll ever be able to fully reconcile - whats done is done, I can't undo what I said that day. Its just a process to get well again, or as well as I ever can be.

Thoughts and Prayers brother (or sister) stay strong.

 

[Lush]

Someone in my office keeps sneezing. Now we all work with/for bellcheeses so you don't need me to tell you what the sound of a woman sneezing elaborately five or six or nine times in quick succession sounds like. It's not even hayfever season and there's special ventilation in our building because our labs contain GM organisms. Shouldn't be an excuse for such loud sinus honking. If you're ill, go home woman!

And now there is an English guy next to me who calls across the open-plan office "gesundheit" every time this lady lets rip.

I'm angry. Thank Christ it's Friday.

"Gesundheit."

"Gesundheit."

"Gesundheit (my oh my that was a loud one Angie)".

Gesund-gesu-gesundheit. And again, gesundheit [tittering]."

Just to add to your discomfort, have you heard the theory that the type of noise you make when sneezing is similar to the type of noise you make when you orgasm?

 

[Soton Seagull]

We've had the utter joy of an iterim (£800 per day apparently) 'head of' since my boss was fired the week before Xmas (boss number 6 in 3 and a half years). I do wonder about the mindset of people who genuinely believe that a sentence at the end of an email will inspire someone to become the best employee ever; so replicated below is how he signed off his introduction to his direct reports:

'Be professional, take ownership and work smartly to make great decisions to supply better outcomes than yesterday'

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I'm having a ball this afternoon watching a conversation unfold on email. Dry Jan soon to come to an end I feel :

'Here is the approved document to do some work on Monday night'
'That document is not correct, It needs X added to it'
'You can only add X if you raise the paperwork yourself'
'I'm not raising the paperwork'
'Please proceed with the work on Monday. This process has worked for over 200 pieces of work in 2019'
'That document is not correct, It needs X added to it'
'You can only add X if you raise the paperwork yourself'
'I'm not raising the paperwork'

FFS

 

[timbha]

We've had the utter joy of an iterim (£800 per day apparently) 'head of' since my boss was fired the week before Xmas (boss number 6 in 3 and a half years). I do wonder about the mindset of people who genuinely believe that a sentence at the end of an email will inspire someone to become the best employee ever; so replicated below is how he signed off his introduction to his direct reports:

'Be professional, take ownership and work smartly to make great decisions to supply better outcomes than yesterday'

Very early contender for BC of the Year

 

[dazzer6666]

We've had the utter joy of an iterim (£800 per day apparently) 'head of' since my boss was fired the week before Xmas (boss number 6 in 3 and a half years). I do wonder about the mindset of people who genuinely believe that a sentence at the end of an email will inspire someone to become the best employee ever; so replicated below is how he signed off his introduction to his direct reports:

'Be professional, take ownership and work smartly to make great decisions to supply better outcomes than yesterday'

We had a great email signature tag being added in one part of our organisation. It was added in rainbow colours and aimed at getting people to sign up to be inclusive to the LBGT community. It wasn't thought through as well as it might have been.

'SignUpToBeAnAllyHere'

 

[Frutos]

We had a great email signature tag being added in one part of our organisation. It was added in rainbow colours and aimed at getting people to sign up to be inclusive to the LBGT community. It wasn't thought through as well as it might have been.

'SignUpToBeAnAllyHere'

Reminds me of the Susan Boyle album launch with the hashtag #SusanAlbumParty

 

[Barham's tash]

Just to add to your discomfort, have you heard the theory that the type of noise you make when sneezing is similar to the type of noise you make when you orgasm?

I thought it was when a woman sneezes at least three times in a row then the subsequent feeling generated is said to be akin to the big O?


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[rogersix]

He’s not called Sean/Shaun is he ?

holy fuk you're dumb, timmy twofuks

 

[dazzer6666]

Very early contender for BC of the Year

Could be

He’s not called Sean/Shaun is he ?

.....ah, maybe not.

 

[AmexRuislip]

[tweet]1219622135070711809[/tweet]

I'm being very caerphilly here as not upset our resident dullard [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION]
But who knows what he gets up to in his local library, when board

 

[Cian]

The CEOs PA has done a day and a half "health and safety" training course is now starting to argue with both of the actually qualified engineers over what she considers to be "unsafe wiring"

A pile of completely disconnected cables sitting on top of a box nowhere near a plug socket was written up as a "fire hazard" today.

 

[Stat Brother]

A few weeks after a 100% increase in workload, after winning a new contract (we got bought cookies for the best ever launch)

One of my bosses came to me and explained how it was no longer possible for me to do my job.
In a few weeks I would be getting someone to work along side me.
He was amazed I was still (just) able to keep up.

5 hours later and in order to win a pissing competition with his boss, he increased my workload by a further 50%.

I woke at 1am the following morning and was still physically and mentally so very angry.

I guess the next day I didn't do a good job of concealing my rage, as 3 people were sent to help me and all my calls and communications were screened, so as to give me some work time.