Bell Cheeses at work

[Badger]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. We're here to support you through this difficult time. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure you'll have the occasional relapse, a "touch base" here and a "let's take this offline" there. I have faith you'll pull through in the end though.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

Bird table meetings anyone? Seems to be a thing in one of the basket case sites that I work on fom time to time

Didn't think it possible - but looks like the Brits are inching ahead of the Americans in the Bell Cheesery Awards. (Unless you include Trump who is the biggliest Bell Cheese going)

 

[Easy 10]

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. We're here to support you through this difficult time. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure you'll have the occasional relapse, a "touch base" here and a "let's take this offline" there. I have faith you'll pull through in the end though.

Appreciate that Badger.

I'm still coming to terms with it if I'm honest. I have good days and bad but its the nights that are the worst, when I dwell on it, and turn it over and over in my mind, what I could so easily have said instead...

"I'll get Jenny to send you the numbers"
"No worries, I'll come back to you on that"
"OK, leave that with me, I'll sort it with Jenny when she's back"

Any of those would've done. Anything but....

*stares into middle distance*

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Where I work (a Russell Group university), we employ a department of support staff to set up and curate degree course unit web pages (that contain PDFs of lecture notes, videos, support material etc) together with an online submission portal for students to submit coursework. Meanwhile we have a separate department of support staff who curate how the submitted coursework is processed - deadlines, boxes for feedback and insertion of marks, and then the collation of marks (weighting for different types of assessed work to generate a final mark). The latter is then sent to a third lot of staff who calculate the final degree mark.

Recently I checked the website for my four courses. Those responsible have not set up any submission portal for work for so called 'formative' assessment (where the work is marked and feedback prepared, but the tarriff for the mark is zero - training only, not mark bearing). They had not told me.

It turns out these administrative staff can't decide which of the first two departments should deal with formative assessment and are 'too busy' to set up portals. Instead they are running training sessions so that academic staff like me can learn how to do it. This is after the courses have started. They didn't tell me any of this. I only found out when students emailed me o say the course web page hadn't been set up properly.

What a ****ing shambles. I have, of course, blown a fuse. My view is if they want to send their staff round to my lab to learn how to supervise my research students, then I will go on a training course to learn how to do their ****ing jobs for them. I have been polite to the people concerned (they are only the water carriers, the decisions are made by their faceless managers with whom I have no contact) but have emoted somewhat to my HoD.

Luckily I wasn't doing anything much this week so I have plenty of time to sort this bollocks out.

 

[timbha]

Appreciate that Badger.

I'm still coming to terms with it if I'm honest. I have good days and bad but its the nights that are the worst, when I dwell on it, and turn it over and over in my mind, what I could so easily have said instead...

"I'll get Jenny to send you the numbers"
"No worries, I'll come back to you on that"
"OK, leave that with me, I'll sort it with Jenny when she's back"

Any of those would've done. Anything but....

*stares into middle distance*

Is there someone in the office you can talk to, or perhaps a confidential hot line where an unconnected third party could help? You must talk to someone and we are here for you if you have no one else. You need help.

 

[Horses Arse]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

I was driving whilst on a conf call once, stupid I know but I was not concentrating on the call at all. I demonstrated this by shouting "no you ****ing won't you wanker" at a motorised about to cut me up. There was a very strange silence for that situation too.

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[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

Your post is a thing of great beauty and deserves the accolade of this week's 'Hunter S Thompson award for apposite allegory'.

 

[Easy 10]

Is there someone in the office you can talk to, or perhaps a confidential hot line where an unconnected third party could help? You must talk to someone and we are here for you if you have no one else. You need help.

Just finally coming clean and admitting it on here has been quite cathartic, I appreciate the support. If when I wake up tomorrow the bedsheets aren't completely sodden again with sweat and urine, then I'll know I've made a little bit of progress in getting through this.

Your post is a thing of great beauty and deserves the accolade of this week's 'Hunter S Thompson award for apposite allegory'.

Much appreciated Harry.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Recently employed someone in a reasonably serious IT / Development role.

After a few days he suggested, given there were a few new people and we were a relatively unacquainted management team, that we'd have a 10 minute stand up each morning, to get the day going.

Two problems here ... most people's day starts at 9 mine tends to start at 8, so it interrupts me, I thought, but go with it.

Second problem, I was out of the office Day One so missed the inaugural meeting but made it for Day Two. I could see a few older members of the team stifling sniggers as the "stand-up" commenced and just as I was about to ask what it was all about the "new guy" bounced a tennis ball my way, this was my "authority" to talk .... in my own company FFS.

We don't have stand-ups now ......

 

[8049]

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

Your only other option is to join the Four Tops.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Your only other option is to join the Four Tops.

..... that's no good, it's just the same old song!

 

[TheJasperCo]

Someone in my office keeps sneezing. Now we all work with/for bellcheeses so you don't need me to tell you what the sound of a woman sneezing elaborately five or six or nine times in quick succession sounds like. It's not even hayfever season and there's special ventilation in our building because our labs contain GM organisms. Shouldn't be an excuse for such loud sinus honking. If you're ill, go home woman!

And now there is an English guy next to me who calls across the open-plan office "gesundheit" every time this lady lets rip.

I'm angry. Thank Christ it's Friday.

"Gesundheit."

"Gesundheit."

"Gesundheit (my oh my that was a loud one Angie)".

Gesund-gesu-gesundheit. And again, gesundheit [tittering]."

 

[CheeseRolls]

I have a long haul flight home tomorrow in which I have to be quarantined to prevent infection.

Please, please don't ever let me get "super excited" or super f'ing anything other than supersonic. I am not sure I could live with myself.

Edit sorry - Super Brighton of course I can be Super Brighton from the South and I can get more than excited enough about that without hitting Super!

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[dazzer6666]

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.

Oh no.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. We're here to support you through this difficult time. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure you'll have the occasional relapse, a "touch base" here and a "let's take this offline" there. I have faith you'll pull through in the end though.

Wrong

Is there someone in the office you can talk to, or perhaps a confidential hot line where an unconnected third party could help? You must talk to someone and we are here for you if you have no one else. You need help.

Too late.

I don’t get the sympathy and offers of help. Well done for owning up but it’s unforgivable. You need to pack up and leave. I’m amazed you’re able to even show your face in the office.

 

[Barham's tash]

As someone who works in the markets, it still amazes me how little clue these back office regulatory types have on what actually goes on day to day.

Some of the directives we get are simply unenforceable. And none of them have ever done front office jobs so just don’t know what it entails.

Our CRO is a highly efficient and decent guy but what motivates him to do it is beyond me.


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It’s interesting and entirely off topic for this thread but in theory that’s what I do in my role - overlay our operational process from regulatory change - the key difference being I spent 8 years in client facing roles before moving to this dark side.

A change I made 3 years ago and haven’t looked back and I suppose a CRO role might be my goal in say 5-10 years but as you say motivation to do without fear of regulatory censure has to for a ridiculously good salary...


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[Paulie Gualtieri]

So this ginger posh bloke joined the firm today, kept banging on about how his new wife has pressured him into working.

He also reckons he’s ex army and has a helicopter licence, blokes full of it!


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[Bodian]

It’s interesting and entirely off topic for this thread but in theory that’s what I do in my role - overlay our operational process from regulatory change - the key difference being I spent 8 years in client facing roles before moving to this dark side.

A change I made 3 years ago and haven’t looked back and I suppose a CRO role might be my goal in say 5-10 years but as you say motivation to do without fear of regulatory censure has to for a ridiculously good salary...


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A "client facing role" eh - seem to remember having that on one of our bullshit bingo sessions!

 

[Norman Potting]

Error

 

[Norman Potting]

So this ginger posh bloke joined the firm today, kept banging on about how his new wife has pressured him into working.

He also reckons he’s ex army and has a helicopter licence, blokes full of it!


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Does he have a young child and is his wife American

 

[Barham's tash]

A "client facing role" eh - seem to remember having that on one of our bullshit bingo sessions!

Most likely but i've already called myself out for being a BC so in for a penny, in for a pound.