Bell Cheeses at work

[Bob'n'weave]

Presumably because of sizing rather than swearing.

Or colour/design?

 

[pishhead]

HR and Payroll departments love a good rebrand. The most recent one at my place led to a role called Chief People Officer.

Maybe when you get someone in for work experience you can tell them their job title is refreshment courier.

 

[Badger]

I think our recruitment process needs an overhaul......

Day 1

Woman recruited to take over from guy who was leaving. After being walked round the office and introduced to people she demands every cleaning product known to humankind so she can clean her workstation. An hour later she returns to the office administrator and demands the immediate purchase of 45 large ring-binders. What she was intending to do with said articles remains a mystery as, indeed, was where she intended to store them all.

She eventually sits down with the guy who is leaving for training. After about 30 minutes her mobile rings. Without a word of apology she gets up and takes the call on the landing having a shouted call with someone about her daughter's benefit claim. Returns to training (again with no word of apology) until 30 minutes later her phone goes again. Once more she answers the call and returns to her desk this time to have a shouted conversation with her bank.

There was no day 2!

Marvellous scenes.

It's not so bad when someone goes full BC on day one because at least you can kick them out without consequence. It's the slow-burning BC which is the worst. They seem fine when they start, but after a few weeks and months they start to get more confident and their inner BC starts to get exposed. Before you know it you can't stand to be anywhere near them and there's nothing you can do about it.

You'll never find out what those ring binders were for though...

 

[Birdie Boy]

Received a company email the other day stating the company has once again partnered with WES, Women's Engineering Society. This society provides support for women in engineering roles. I'm still waiting for the email about the partnership with MES...

Had another email stating the timesheet code for on call had changed from a weekly one to a daily one. As far as I am aware, everybody is on call for 7 days at a time. So now we have to fill out the new code 7 times instead of the one.

 

[Postman Pat]

Every couple of weeks we have an early finish in the office for beer and pizza, on occasion we have 'themed' events for things like world cup, Wimbledon, Halloween etc.. we recently had one for the Superbowl with beer and wings, and a beer pong tournament. Someone in our office offered to join the tournament and then asked what it entailed. When she was told she complained that the game was non-inclusive as it encouraged people to drink, the organiser suggested that they could have water in their cups so didn't have to drink, but the game was called beer pong so what exactly did they expect.

At this she went to HR and suggested that the company should all be sent on equality, diversity and inclusivity training.....

 

[Normal Rob]

At this she went to HR and suggested that the company should all be sent on equality, diversity and inclusivity training.....

Having been on that course, i can recommend that the stupid bitch just ****s right off.

 

[Easy 10]

Every couple of weeks we have an early finish in the office for beer and pizza, on occasion we have 'themed' events for things like world cup, Wimbledon, Halloween etc.. we recently had one for the Superbowl with beer and wings, and a beer pong tournament. Someone in our office offered to join the tournament and then asked what it entailed. When she was told she complained that the game was non-inclusive as it encouraged people to drink, the organiser suggested that they could have water in their cups so didn't have to drink, but the game was called beer pong so what exactly did they expect.

At this she went to HR and suggested that the company should all be sent on equality, diversity and inclusivity training.....

That is highly enriched WEAPONS-GRADE bellcheesery. She needs to be dragged by the hair into the carpark, forcibly shoved behind a dumpster, and then beaten about the head and torso with her own shoes.

 

[TheJasperCo]

Overheard-in-the-kitchen-area (#3701):

"No, I don't drink cow juice. Ever since I could say no, I haven't drunk cow juice."

*bemused colleague* "Sorry?"

*A brief pause* "I don't drink cow juice."

 

[Brovion]

I think our recruitment process needs an overhaul......

Day 1

Woman recruited to take over from guy who was leaving. After being walked round the office and introduced to people she demands every cleaning product known to humankind so she can clean her workstation. An hour later she returns to the office administrator and demands the immediate purchase of 45 large ring-binders. What she was intending to do with said articles remains a mystery as, indeed, was where she intended to store them all.

She eventually sits down with the guy who is leaving for training. After about 30 minutes her mobile rings. Without a word of apology she gets up and takes the call on the landing having a shouted call with someone about her daughter's benefit claim. Returns to training (again with no word of apology) until 30 minutes later her phone goes again. Once more she answers the call and returns to her desk this time to have a shouted conversation with her bank.

There was no day 2!

Ha! Whose decision was it that there would be no Day 2? Hers or the company's?

 

[A1X]

Talking of kitchen areas, we've recently had a new hot water tap installed in ours which allows people to do tea & coffee without using the dreaded vending machine.

One guy in the office has, as such, decided to shun the instant coffee available to him and now has his own cafetiere which he fills from this tap. This is bad enough but he then blocks the whole area while he then proceeds to let it brew, does the push down & pour then uses his personal electric milk-frother to start buggering about with that, all of which he then proceeds to wash up. This means the area is basically out of bounds for about 10 minutes 3-4 times a day while he goes through this rigmarole.

 

[DavidRyder]

Every couple of weeks we have an early finish in the office for beer and pizza, on occasion we have 'themed' events for things like world cup, Wimbledon, Halloween etc.. we recently had one for the Superbowl with beer and wings, and a beer pong tournament. Someone in our office offered to join the tournament and then asked what it entailed. When she was told she complained that the game was non-inclusive as it encouraged people to drink, the organiser suggested that they could have water in their cups so didn't have to drink, but the game was called beer pong so what exactly did they expect.

At this she went to HR and suggested that the company should all be sent on equality, diversity and inclusivity training.....

Meanwhile, everyone else was having a good time, which was the whole point of the event.

 

[Barham's tash]

Talking of kitchen areas, we've recently had a new hot water tap installed in ours which allows people to do tea & coffee without using the dreaded vending machine.

One guy in the office has, as such, decided to shun the instant coffee available to him and now has his own cafetiere which he fills from this tap. This is bad enough but he then blocks the whole area while he then proceeds to let it brew, does the push down & pour then uses his personal electric milk-frother to start buggering about with that, all of which he then proceeds to wash up. This means the area is basically out of bounds for about 10 minutes 3-4 times a day while he goes through this rigmarole.

We have exactly the same set up except our vending machines grind beans on demand for your cup so the free stuff is actually half decent. [As long as you elect to add your own cow juice and not take the hideous UHT crap from the machine].

There are contractors on hideous day rates (c£500-750 per day) who follow this exact routine - I saw one this week visit the kitchen 7 times in one half hour period, presumably accidentally ‘forgetting’ to rinse/wash/fill their cup each time to waste a little more time.

Perhaps you might think they’re actually not bell cheeses as the £££££ roll up in front of their eyes as they Time waste their way to the full day rate. Maybe a new phrase is required - I put forward shithousing at work?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Brovion]

Overheard-in-the-kitchen-area (#3701):

"No, I don't drink cow juice. Ever since I could say no, I haven't drunk cow juice."

*bemused colleague* "Sorry?"

*A brief pause* "I don't drink cow juice."

I'm guessing 'cow juice' is milk and not something you get from crushing a cow in an industrial-sized blender?

 

[timbha]

There are contractors on hideous day rates (c£500-750 per day) who follow this exact routine - I
Perhaps you might think they’re actually not bell cheeses as the £££££ roll up in front of their eyes as they Time waste their way to the full day rate. Maybe a new phrase is required - I put forward shithousing at work?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Don’t get me started.
Where are they on Fridays? - working from home
Where are they on Thursday afternoons? - travelling home
Where are they on Monday mornings? - travelling to work

Where are their managers? - working from home

And so it goes on.

A lot of us permanents just wondered why we should work our balls off and fit in meetings around them, so we just play the game.

And we wonder why we are inefficient and every project is late and over budget

 

[Sirnormangall]

Don’t get me started.
Where are they on Fridays? - working from home
Where are they on Thursday afternoons? - travelling home
Where are they on Monday mornings? - travelling to work

Where are their managers? - working from home

And so it goes on.

A lot of us permanents just wondered why we should work our balls off and fit in meetings around them, so we just play the game.

And we wonder why we are inefficient and every project is late and over budget

How true - you can see tumbleweed in the office on a Friday afternoon. Hate to say too that many of them will be on a day rate of more than £750.

 

[dazzer6666]

Don’t get me started.
Where are they on Fridays? - working from home
Where are they on Thursday afternoons? - travelling home
Where are they on Monday mornings? - travelling to work

Where are their managers? - working from home

And so it goes on.

A lot of us permanents just wondered why we should work our balls off and fit in meetings around them, so we just play the game.

And we wonder why we are inefficient and every project is late and over budget

Same here

Project starts, without asking, or wanting one, I get a contractor from ‘Transition’ to ‘help’, so said person joins relevant meetings (but rarely contributes anything of note)

Contractor PM then goes to head of transition to say they’re busy and need more resource (doing what FFS ?)

Next meeting I have two contractors sat there instead of one (clearly not on Mondays and Fridays though, because they’re not in).

 

[Questions]

Talking of kitchen areas, we've recently had a new hot water tap installed in ours which allows people to do tea & coffee without using the dreaded vending machine.

One guy in the office has, as such, decided to shun the instant coffee available to him and now has his own cafetiere which he fills from this tap. This is bad enough but he then blocks the whole area while he then proceeds to let it brew, does the push down & pour then uses his personal electric milk-frother to start buggering about with that, all of which he then proceeds to wash up. This means the area is basically out of bounds for about 10 minutes 3-4 times a day while he goes through this rigmarole.

Rigmarole. What a marvellous word that is.

 

[Brighthelmstone]

Don’t get me started.
Where are they on Fridays? - working from home
Where are they on Thursday afternoons? - travelling home
Where are they on Monday mornings? - travelling to work

Where are their managers? - working from home

And so it goes on.

A lot of us permanents just wondered why we should work our balls off and fit in meetings around them, so we just play the game.

And we wonder why we are inefficient and every project is late and over budget

I used to run a team of contract Project Managers. The constant excuses to not be in the office on a friday used to drive me nuts. I resolved it by moving the team meeting to 2pm on a friday at which point i'd also sign off their timesheets (none of this interweb thingy!) surprising how many then managed to attend the office!

 

[Iggle Piggle]

One of our office had a microwaved Fish Pie for lunch yesterday. It smelt like Rick Steins bin. Who buys these things and thinks it's a good idea for lunch in an office environment? Mind you he's a bit weird and has admitted that his wife wears a strap on sometimes. His sense of normality is different from the rest of us.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Mind you he's a bit weird and has admitted that his wife wears a strap on sometimes. His sense of normality is different from the rest of us.

There are some things I really don't need to know. Even on this thread.