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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
You would think that a major UK university would know how to assign email addresses. But, no. A new member of staff has the same name as me. We are both known by the shortened version of our first name. My email address has for 20 years been the long version of my first name. They have given the new guy the short version. Yes, we get each other's emails, and outlook calender alerts on an almost daily basis.
When a former boss of mine joined my last firm, he asked for his email address before he started so he could pass it on to contacts etc. When they told him it was richard.thomas@xxx.com he said ‘are you sure ?’ - they said they were......even though (at the time) we had about 150,000 staff.
Of course, his first few days were spent dealing with tons of emails not meant for him in his new inbox. He was eventually given richard.thomas7..........
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,185
Conversation overheard in the office a couple of years ago. It’s close to Christmas and the song White Christmas is being played:
“I’ve not liked this song ever since he was arrested for assaulting women”.
Colleague response: “ that was Bill Cosby, not Bing Crosby”
“I’ve not liked this song ever since he was arrested for assaulting women”.
Colleague response: “ that was Bill Cosby, not Bing Crosby”
Bob'n'weave
Well-known member
Barry Izbak
U.T.A.
Our new boss is in his first managerial position. He is struggling with the concept and loses it on a regular basis. Insists on coming out for coaching days with each of us and makes one excruciating gaff after another in front of customers.
But he has worked out one thing, that if he tells us in advance when team meetings are we will all make can sure we have booked something that can't be moved so we miss them.
I don't see him lasting long
Office cuntface has clearly had a busy weekend- instead of the usual Coldplay and Sam Smith I've had Sweet Home Alabama and Ed Sheeran this morning.
****ing ****.
Some twats next to me today genuinely just discussed how hilarious the ancient 'Charlie bit my finger' video and the 'baby who fancies his mum in Family Guy' are 
Please end my suffering.
*Also, no bumps for nearly a month? Come on people, REACH OUT to us with your bellcheese stories.
Please end my suffering.
*Also, no bumps for nearly a month? Come on people, REACH OUT to us with your bellcheese stories.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
My part of a large global organisation has had an office move pencilled in since January 2018.
We currently reside in the single most expensive piece of real estate in the companies global property portfolio and are downsizing to reduce this cost and provide a bespoke setting for our particular business line. Someone cleverly found a way to negotiate a break 13 years into our 20 year lease on the proviso that we moved out within 3 months of triggering the break.
First we were moving in January, then it was pushed back to March, then to over Easte and finally this coming weekend.
I understand us ****ing about and delaying has cost a whole metric shit tonne of ££££ previously not budgeted for.
Not only has the stop start actuality of the date caused much hilarity, faffing, panicking etc but also led to a complete lack of desire for anyone to clear out their shit (we’re supposed to be going broadly paperless) because they don’t actually think it’s going to happen...
...last week the COO announced it IS happening so the usual faffers actually got going and did absolutely ANYTHING to avoid actual work and get stuck into ‘office tidy mode’ - think counting paper clips on an industrial scale.
I casually sorted out my shit weeks ago and booked this week off to hang out with the family, play golf and generally let all cluster****ery of the actual office move ensue in my absence.
Today I got a text to tell me the move has been put back a week because someone forgot to order the front door of the office. Unsmeggingbelievable!
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We currently reside in the single most expensive piece of real estate in the companies global property portfolio and are downsizing to reduce this cost and provide a bespoke setting for our particular business line. Someone cleverly found a way to negotiate a break 13 years into our 20 year lease on the proviso that we moved out within 3 months of triggering the break.
First we were moving in January, then it was pushed back to March, then to over Easte and finally this coming weekend.
I understand us ****ing about and delaying has cost a whole metric shit tonne of ££££ previously not budgeted for.
Not only has the stop start actuality of the date caused much hilarity, faffing, panicking etc but also led to a complete lack of desire for anyone to clear out their shit (we’re supposed to be going broadly paperless) because they don’t actually think it’s going to happen...
...last week the COO announced it IS happening so the usual faffers actually got going and did absolutely ANYTHING to avoid actual work and get stuck into ‘office tidy mode’ - think counting paper clips on an industrial scale.
I casually sorted out my shit weeks ago and booked this week off to hang out with the family, play golf and generally let all cluster****ery of the actual office move ensue in my absence.
Today I got a text to tell me the move has been put back a week because someone forgot to order the front door of the office. Unsmeggingbelievable!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I've moved desks so this bellend is further away but still in the same section of the office. Diamonds by Rihanna has gone off at full blast from the other side of the room three times in the last 10 minutes as his ring tone. This guy is peak gammon (as I believe kids are saying now), which makes it all the more tragic.
I think I am going to have to go to HR over this.
SouthCoastOwl
New member
If I hear the "Hello Moto" ringtone once more today she's going to be force fed her phone.
Templeton Peck
Faceman
Today a client moaned at me for not being able to undertake the work I had previously agreed with them...
It was due to take place in May, however due to their tech team having "teething issues" got pushed back to "No later than the second week in June" and then postponed to the "2nd of July at the latest" When they informed me about the push back to June I stated that I was still available, however I gave them my holiday dates for the end of July and stated I couldn't carry out the work past 25th July. Today it got pushed back to the "30th July" so I obviously explained I was no longer available and now I am "seriously jeopardising their South East roll out by agreeing to work dates I couldn't commit to"
It's the same women who thought Apple & Android were the same thing so I guess I'm the bellcheese for expecting a different outcome.
It was due to take place in May, however due to their tech team having "teething issues" got pushed back to "No later than the second week in June" and then postponed to the "2nd of July at the latest" When they informed me about the push back to June I stated that I was still available, however I gave them my holiday dates for the end of July and stated I couldn't carry out the work past 25th July. Today it got pushed back to the "30th July" so I obviously explained I was no longer available and now I am "seriously jeopardising their South East roll out by agreeing to work dates I couldn't commit to"
It's the same women who thought Apple & Android were the same thing so I guess I'm the bellcheese for expecting a different outcome.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
I’ve been forced to sit through an hour and a half presentation on AGILE.
We’re 40 minutes in and apparently
“It works”
“All companies are embracing this way of working”
Thing is 40 minutes in and I still have NO IDEA what Agile is - other than a set of random 12 principles with such nuggets as:
Simplicity - the art of maximising the amount of work NOT done is essential.
Christ.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
We’re 40 minutes in and apparently
“It works”
“All companies are embracing this way of working”
Thing is 40 minutes in and I still have NO IDEA what Agile is - other than a set of random 12 principles with such nuggets as:
Simplicity - the art of maximising the amount of work NOT done is essential.
Christ.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I think it means flexible working - i.e. you have to be flexible and work 24 hours a day wherever you are.
Yesterday a project manager arranged a session with me to walk through a plan for a new client we’ve just taken on. I’d done a lot of the requirements and he’d split the estimate in to three; development, test and analysis.
The test column was headed “test”. The development column header was abbreviated to “dev”. And the Analysis header was abbreviated to the first four letters of that word.
My project plan review contained the line “you might want to reconsider your abbreviated headings”.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The test column was headed “test”. The development column header was abbreviated to “dev”. And the Analysis header was abbreviated to the first four letters of that word.
My project plan review contained the line “you might want to reconsider your abbreviated headings”.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
A woman has just put "Okey Dokey" in an email - FFS
beorhthelm
A. Virgo, Football Genius
- Jul 21, 2003
- 36,026
the genius of agile is that its not strictly defined, just some woolley ideology, therefore an organisation can change it to suit themselves. we have a programme of training for it this summer, as someone who's been (mis)using for 2-3 years already its going to be fun finding out the new official methods...
Baldseagull
Well-known member
Don't get the problem, seems tickety-boo to me.
From my experience this bit means that when deadlines and budgets are suffering important bits in the project spec can be left out and the project manager gets praised for keeping the project on track. People then start blinding you with terms like sprints and scrums.
You won’t get what you wanted but it will be on time.