Bell Cheeses at work

[timbha]

Ah yes, the wonderful Agile - much faster and much less thorough.

And no accountability.....

 

[Sirnormangall]

And no accountability.....

Yes, I often wondered if it was called “Agile” to reflect the agility of the consultants quickly moving to avoid picking up the pieces.

 

[dazzer6666]

Yes, I often wondered if it was called “Agile” to reflect the agility of the consultants quickly moving to avoid picking up the pieces.

They’ve always f****d off to the next lucrative contract by the time their shitty chickens come home to roost.

 

[jonnyrovers]

With the ‘potential’ for travel disruption due to snow tomorrow/Fri have canvassed my team about what people intend to do - wfh/come in etc

In my head had a list of three people out of a team of 14 who I expected to do the following:

1. Claim they HAD to wfh JUST in case - they all still live inside the M25.

2. Skive off at the FIRST sign of a snowflake today because in their heads my email today about tomorrow/Fri justifies applying same rules to today should they show choose.

The first three replies in my inbox within two minutes of my email hitting theirs were from those individuals. If only there was some way to monetise such obvious clairvoyance?!

On the flip side the human beings with brains rather than blancmanges made their own executive decision and simply told me what they were doing because they’d checked the weather themselves - good behaviours, they will go far!

Also what was notable was all of the people with justifiable reasons to skive didn’t take the proverbial.

Hate skiving bell cheeses worse than anything else. (Let’s be honest it’s always the same ones right?!)


I made it clear to my departments that if their staff don't make it to work, but others with similar post codes do, there may be a sanction. One of them lives near me and is a prime candidate for skiving so I offered her a lift (40 mile commute). She politely declined (totally get it, who'd want to car share with their fat boring boss) then as predicted did a two day no-show. Haven't made my mind up yet but she's definitely losing 2 days pay.

 

[Birdie Boy]

Ah yes, the wonderful Agile - much faster and much less thorough.

I first came across this in a meeting last Monday. Soon realised they wanted no accountability, so it was given the boot, by everyone.

 

[Brovion]

Very disappointed that no one has mentioned project “scrum” meetings.

Better than that, they all now keep spouting ‘Agile methodology’ like it’s a big new thing. As far as I can see it’s a BS replacement for ‘just ****ing get on with it’ but allows them to claim the credit.

Ah yes, the wonderful Agile - much faster and much less thorough.

And no accountability.....

Yes, I often wondered if it was called “Agile” to reflect the agility of the consultants quickly moving to avoid picking up the pieces.

Oh dear ...

I got roundly abused about ten pages ago for having Cornish Pasties for breakfast, I fear I am going to do so again.

I love Agile. I think it's brilliant and far superior to Waterfall and the old-fashioned methodologies. Sprint retrospectives are admittedly a bit same-y and a bit of a waste of time (especially when it's the same team, we're good at pointing up the tasks to put on the backlog so we don't overreach as we know our sprint velocity), but everything else is great. And I think a daily stand-up should be a legal requirement.

I'm a developer, not sure if that makes a difference.

*Awaits flaming*

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I love Agile. I think it's brilliant and far superior to Waterfall and the old-fashioned methodologies. Sprint retrospectives are admittedly a bit same-y and a bit of a waste of time (especially when it's the same team, we're good at pointing up the tasks to put on the backlog so we don't overreach as we know our sprint velocity), but everything else is great. And I think a daily stand-up should be a legal requirement.

I'm a developer, not sure if that makes a difference.

*Awaits flaming*

Agile, eh? They called it Cowboy Coding back in my days

 

[dazzer6666]

Oh dear ...

I got roundly abused about ten pages ago for having Cornish Pasties for breakfast, I fear I am going to do so again.

I love Agile. I think it's brilliant and far superior to Waterfall and the old-fashioned methodologies. Sprint retrospectives are admittedly a bit same-y and a bit of a waste of time (especially when it's the same team, we're good at pointing up the tasks to put on the backlog so we don't overreach as we know our sprint velocity), but everything else is great. And I think a daily stand-up should be a legal requirement.

I'm a developer, not sure if that makes a difference.

*Awaits flaming*

Ah, possible misunderstanding here - there is nothing wrong with 'Agile', it's absolutely the right way to approach things. The point is that it's not new and it's how a lot of us operate anyway - could call it 'common sense' or 'JFDI' rather than attaching some new wanky made-up PM term to it and claiming it's 'methodology'. I really don't need to pay some pompous consultant £1k a day to explain it to me. Irony is having to deal with 'Agile' PMs stops it happening

I'd happily have a Cornish pasty for breakfast by the way, but not one of those rubbish Ginsters imitations. West Cornwall Pasty Co is the closest I can get around here.

 

[happypig]

Oh dear ...

I got roundly abused about ten pages ago for having Cornish Pasties for breakfast, I fear I am going to do so again.

I love Agile. I think it's brilliant and far superior to Waterfall and the old-fashioned methodologies. Sprint retrospectives are admittedly a bit same-y and a bit of a waste of time (especially when it's the same team, we're good at pointing up the tasks to put on the backlog so we don't overreach as we know our sprint velocity), but everything else is great. And I think a daily stand-up should be a legal requirement.

I'm a developer, not sure if that makes a difference.

*Awaits flaming*

Top, top bollocks. you will go far my boy.

 

[Dave the OAP]

Oh dear ...

I got roundly abused about ten pages ago for having Cornish Pasties for breakfast, I fear I am going to do so again.

I love Agile. I think it's brilliant and far superior to Waterfall and the old-fashioned methodologies. Sprint retrospectives are admittedly a bit same-y and a bit of a waste of time (especially when it's the same team, we're good at pointing up the tasks to put on the backlog so we don't overreach as we know our sprint velocity), but everything else is great. And I think a daily stand-up should be a legal requirement.

I'm a developer, not sure if that makes a difference.

*Awaits flaming*

Sprint velocity....hahahahahahaha.

Our greatest addiction to the English language has been ...leveraging the continuum.

Which is BS speak for a disaster recovery timeline, from invocation to stand down.

 

[Brian Fantana]

A few posters are straying dangerously close to BC territory themselves...

 

[Guinness Boy]

A few posters are straying dangerously close to BC territory themselves...

Agreed. I'll be back once we return to fat birds munching crisps too loudly.

 

[clarkey]

Why is that prawn cocktail crisps and prawn crackers are ALWAYS the staple diet of an office bellcheese?!

A few posters are straying dangerously close to BC territory themselves...

I've had to have a real look at myself based on your earlier comment.

 

[LlcoolJ]

Sprint velocity....hahahahahahaha.

Our greatest addiction to the English language has been ...leveraging the continuum.

Which is BS speak for a disaster recovery timeline, from invocation to stand down.

I have absolutely no idea what any of that means. Thankfully.

 

[spring hall convert]

I made it clear to my departments that if their staff don't make it to work, but others with similar post codes do, there may be a sanction.

I love it when you talk dirty big boy. Gimme more.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Bring back Dogs in offices.

Distinct lack of them on the thread recently.

 

[Brovion]

Top, top bollocks. you will go far my boy.

But other people working in Agile development will know what I mean (and I didn't mention, Epics, Stories or t-shirt sizing), it's not bollocks at all, just modern terminology.


Oh my God. I AM the office bellcheese aren't I?

 

[A1X]

We have teams in our office doing agile stuff. My biggest bugbear is the people who insist on having daily stand-ups, including people in video conference, in the middle of open plan offices. FFS, meeting rooms are for meetings, don't start having them in the middle of a floor full of other people.

They then also have the nerve to get upset with you if you start doing stuff which disrupts their meeting. Like walk past to go to get a coffee. Or use the loo. Or exist.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

But other people working in Agile development will know what I mean (and I didn't mention, Epics, Stories or t-shirt sizing), it's not bollocks at all, just modern terminology.


Oh my God. I AM the office bellcheese aren't I?

Sadly, on this occasion, yes, yes you are

 

[jonnyrovers]

I love it when you talk dirty big boy. Gimme more.

Oh I got more! You should see what I say when an action isn’t actioned by the action deadline. I’m dirtier than your momma that day brother!!


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