Bell Cheeses at work

[Brian Fantana]

Despite the working day being only 1 hour and 20 minutes old, we've already seen commendably high levels of bellcheesery on show. It seems as if everyone on this floor of the office has a 'special' chair, due to some back or joint ailment. However, brilliantly, they were all given a health and safety assessment over the weekend (which seems, principally, to just have involved all of the name tags being removed from them and being put back at different desks). Having been off on annual leave for the past couple of days, I've come back to a game of musical bellcheese chairs - everyone seems to be going around the floor sitting in all of the chairs trying to work out which one is theirs. Several arguments have broken out over chairs with the same settings, and investigations carried out to determine evidence of who they belong to, quotes thus far include: "that mark on the arm is my lipstick, so that's definitely mine".

I've cracked open the metaphorical pringles, and settled in for the day.

 

[Gazwag]

There was a MOUSE seen running across the office floor.

I would love it if a mouse ran through our office, we only have the wasp variation here. One women in particular spends up to 10 minutes smashing the window with a plastic ruler in an attempt to kill it but fails every time and eventually the wasp gets bored and flies back out the open window it came in by.

 

[Saturn]

Despite the working day being only 1 hour and 20 minutes old, we've already seen commendably high levels of bellcheesery on show. It seems as if everyone on this floor of the office has a 'special' chair, due to some back or joint ailment. However, brilliantly, they were all given a health and safety assessment over the weekend (which seems, principally, to just have involved all of the name tags being removed from them and being put back at different desks). Having been off on annual leave for the past couple of days, I've come back to a game of musical bellcheese chairs - everyone seems to be going around the floor sitting in all of the chairs trying to work out which one is theirs. Several arguments have broken out over chairs with the same settings, and investigations carried out to determine evidence of who they belong to, quotes thus far include: "that mark on the arm is my lipstick, so that's definitely mine".

I've cracked open the metaphorical pringles, and settled in for the day.

Oh my God... this is gold. I could totally see this happening in my workplace and it actually might considering my area is being relocated elsewhere in the building this weekend!

 

[Norman Potting]

Oh my God... this is gold. I could totally see this happening in my workplace and it actually might considering my area is being relocated elsewhere in the building this weekend!

Gosh I remember working in several offices with "special chairs" and the fun and games that ensued if anyone new to the office used one by mistake.

 

[Jam The Man]

Overheard today:

Female: What's that smell?
Male: apologies.. Curry wind.
F: oh ok. Poor you. I don't break wind
M: You don't ever break wind?
F: No.
M: I think you probably do.
F: No. It's not the sort of thing a lady does.
M: That's bollocks. If you don't break wind, you die. It's an impossibility to not at some stage in your life to break wind.
F: Lets Google it.
M: No let's not. Let's just say you are making it up.

Female gets red faced and walks off...

 

[Bodian]

Ahhhh, the work fridge. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Check out our works fridge one day last year. A highly typical game of "I'm not using the last bit of milk in the bottle, because it means I'll have to wash the empty bottle out and I can't be ARSED. So I'll just open a new one instead". Cue a seemingly never-ending build up of *almost* empty milk bottles.

I think you may find that this is just as likely to be "I can't steal the last bit from someone else's milk bottle - I'll leave a small bit and they'll never know I've nicked any..."

 

[Easy 10]

I think you may find that this is just as likely to be "I can't steal the last bit from someone else's milk bottle - I'll leave a small bit and they'll never know I've nicked any..."

Nope. We have milk delivered and paid for by the company, so it really IS just pure, unadulterated laziness.

Its ingrained in the culture here. I mean christ, look at my post count.

 

[Saturn]

Update on the office move: panic level 1 has been initiated in the hoarder on my team. I expect panic level 2 to reached before the end of the day before pandemonium sets in tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon someone on another team across the office came over to said hoarder and reminded her that she has another chest of drawers full of stuff that is being being looked after by the person in another team across the room.

Cue much laughter about hoarder having yet more stuff hidden away after already emptying two sets of drawers, two full shelves of a massive cabinet and stacks of paper and folders on her desk. Ridiculous. Nobody needs that amount of stuff.

 

[Lower West Stander]

Email just received as follows:-

Dear Colleagues,
When using the microwave to heat up food, please be mindful of the potential smell that can spread around the office.

We have received a number of complaints with regards to a strong smell of fish throughout the 2nd floor today and in previous weeks.

Strong smells such as fish linger for the rest of the day, and are unpleasant for other employees, clients and visitors.

Regards,

Facilities

So wrong on so many levels.................

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Email just received as follows:-

Dear Colleagues,
When using the microwave to heat up food, please be mindful of the potential smell that can spread around the office.

We have received a number of complaints with regards to a strong smell of fish throughout the 2nd floor today and in previous weeks.

Strong smells such as fish linger for the rest of the day, and are unpleasant for other employees, clients and visitors.

Regards,

Facilities

So wrong on so many levels.................

We had a very similar sign to this in my office...almost word for word in fact.

Not for the first time in this thread, I'm wondering if someone else works where I do. Sadly no one has so far, meaning that all offices are probably the same. Depressing.

 

[LlcoolJ]

Overheard today:

Female: What's that smell?
Male: apologies.. Curry wind.
F: oh ok. Poor you. I don't break wind
M: You don't ever break wind?
F: No.
M: I think you probably do.
F: No. It's not the sort of thing a lady does.
M: That's bollocks. If you don't break wind, you die. It's an impossibility to not at some stage in your life to break wind.
F: Lets Google it.
M: No let's not. Let's just say you are making it up.

Female gets red faced and walks off...

Did they both actually say "break wind"?

 

[Wilko]

This thread is an absolute delight, I think probably my all time fave.

 

[Barry Izbak]

Update on the office move: panic level 1 has been initiated in the hoarder on my team. I expect panic level 2 to reached before the end of the day before pandemonium sets in tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon someone on another team across the office came over to said hoarder and reminded her that she has another chest of drawers full of stuff that is being being looked after by the person in another team across the room.

Cue much laughter about hoarder having yet more stuff hidden away after already emptying two sets of drawers, two full shelves of a massive cabinet and stacks of paper and folders on her desk. Ridiculous. Nobody needs that amount of stuff.

I sell stationery and office supplies to businesses, and I LOVE people like this.

Also, all I need to do is get ONE "special" chair or footrest, or keyboard, or wrist rest, or brightly coloured desk tidy, or electric stapler, etc etc installed in a customer's office and before long I can expect more orders for plenty more.

The official term in my industry for this is "office envy"
Very profitable.
Keep it up people

 

[Igzilla]

Nope. We have milk delivered and paid for by the company, so it really IS just pure, unadulterated laziness.

Its ingrained in the culture here. I mean christ, look at my post count.

Honesty like this will get you absolutely nowhere in the office hierarchy

I try to be honest, e.g. "I haven't done any prep for this meeting" or "I haven't bothered looking at that document", but they just think I'm joking.

 

[happypig]

Email just received as follows:-

Dear Colleagues,
When using the microwave to heat up food, please be mindful of the potential smell that can spread around the office.

We have received a number of complaints with regards to a strong smell of fish throughout the 2nd floor today and in previous weeks.

Strong smells such as fish linger for the rest of the day, and are unpleasant for other employees, clients and visitors.

Regards,

Facilities

So wrong on so many levels.................

There were a number of people in my old office that used to heat up plates of beans and bowls of soup without covering them up and so...

We had a series of emails saying something along the lines of "Please clean the microwave after using it"

Then we had some more emails saying "The cleaner has complained about the state of the microwave, PLEASE make sure you clean it"

Finally "The cleaner has refused to clean it any more. It's a health hazard so I've chucked it in the skip"

Oh the moaning....

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

There were a number of people in my old office that used to heat up plates of beans and bowls of soup without covering them up and so...

We had a series of emails saying something along the lines of "Please clean the microwave after using it"

Then we had some more emails saying "The cleaner has complained about the state of the microwave, PLEASE make sure you clean it"

Finally "The cleaner has refused to clean it any more. It's a health hazard so I've chucked it in the skip"

Oh the moaning....

Classic petulant office mentality there;

'No one else has done it, so why should I bother?'

Followed almost immediately with;

'That's not fair, why didn't someone do something about it? It's all your fault!'

 

[Jam The Man]

Did they both actually say "break wind"?

This is true.

 

[Brian Fantana]

Despite the working day being only 1 hour and 20 minutes old, we've already seen commendably high levels of bellcheesery on show. It seems as if everyone on this floor of the office has a 'special' chair, due to some back or joint ailment. However, brilliantly, they were all given a health and safety assessment over the weekend (which seems, principally, to just have involved all of the name tags being removed from them and being put back at different desks). Having been off on annual leave for the past couple of days, I've come back to a game of musical bellcheese chairs - everyone seems to be going around the floor sitting in all of the chairs trying to work out which one is theirs. Several arguments have broken out over chairs with the same settings, and investigations carried out to determine evidence of who they belong to, quotes thus far include: "that mark on the arm is my lipstick, so that's definitely mine".

I've cracked open the metaphorical pringles, and settled in for the day.

An update:

FINALLY all chairs have been safely reunited with their owners, but it has taken nearly a complete week of total timewasting and bickering to get this achieved, including a clear-the-air meeting.

The decision of has been taken to TIPPEX the names onto the back of the chairs, instead of the previous name tags sellotaped on. The only issue with this is that someone, and I shit you not, has insisted that the tippexing is done either well before or at the end of the working day as she thinks the smell of it will aggravate her asthma, so she doesn't want to be anywhere near the vicinity when this process is carried out.

It baffles me how some of these people manage to put their socks on in the morning. Strewth.

 

[Sheebo]

I sell stationery and office supplies to businesses, and I LOVE people like this.

Also, all I need to do is get ONE "special" chair or footrest, or keyboard, or wrist rest, or brightly coloured desk tidy, or electric stapler, etc etc installed in a customer's office and before long I can expect more orders for plenty more.

The official term in my industry for this is "office envy"
Very profitable.
Keep it up people

We had it over a BIN recently. A ****ing BIN

 

[Guinness Boy]

I have new clients which means a new client site office to visit occasionally. On Monday, as I was settling in, three females who turned out to be secretaries / PRs were huddled round a desk gossiping. The conversation swiftly moved from not going to church to BJs (yes, that) before the question was asked "are Roman Catholics Christians?" to which the other two looked utterly puzzled.

This may see me return to this thread regularly.