Bell Cheeses at work

[Gullflyinghigh]

This thread is amazing, I'd never clicked on it before and since I'm supposed to be working I thought I'd have a browse. I started at page 100 and fell in love. Did the bell cheese at work consultancy get off the ground in the end?

My favourite tale is from Easy10 about the fussock who grazes all day and repeats the last word of other's sentences. I loved that.

Welcome to the club!

You'll start a browser and before you know it you'll be sharing tales of horrendous working practices, people and situations.

 

[Norman Potting]

My heart is lifted whenever I see this thread reappear - sometimes make me even miss working an office environment.

 

[Lower West Stander]

Fantastic development today.

There was a MOUSE seen running across the office floor. It's an open plan office so every female (and I mean every one) jumped on to their chairs and started screaming. One guy tried to chase after it but it was a hopeless cause - the rest of us just got on with our jobs.

It's a mouse for goodness sake - yet you would have that a mad axeman had come into the office and was holding the CEO's secretary as a hostage. The yelling, shouting and collective trauma was a sight to behold.

And it wasn't caught, so likely to be more female hysteria later.

 

[The Wookiee]

What are the rules around stuff left in the fridge in the work kitchen ? Me and my colleague have been eying up a nice M&S mushroom and ham tagliatelle ready meal, it went out of date today, it's been in their for a week now. Does it now become fair game for us to indulge in, or is it considered theft ? I might just tuck into it tomorrow and if anybody complains will say chucked it out as was smelling fridge out !

 

[Gwylan]

There was a MOUSE seen running across the office floor. It's an open plan office so every female (and I mean every one) jumped on to their chairs and started screaming.

Seriously? I thought that only happened in cartoons. What did they think was going to happen?

 

[Billy in Bristol]

Can I please nominate EVERY charity I have dealt with today?

 

[Norman Potting]

Fantastic development today.

There was a MOUSE seen running across the office floor. It's an open plan office so every female (and I mean every one) jumped on to their chairs and started screaming. One guy tried to chase after it but it was a hopeless cause - the rest of us just got on with our jobs.

It's a mouse for goodness sake - yet you would have that a mad axeman had come into the office and was holding the CEO's secretary as a hostage. The yelling, shouting and collective trauma was a sight to behold.

And it wasn't caught, so likely to be more female hysteria later.

Visions of bulk buying and releasing those fairly realistic clockwork mice available at modest cost at all good joke shops

 

[Lower West Stander]

Seriously? I thought that only happened in cartoons. What did they think was going to happen?

I honestly have no idea.

It was really was like a scene from Tom and Jerry. I half expected one of them to shout "Thomas!"

 

[Bodian]

What are the rules around stuff left in the fridge in the work kitchen ? Me and my colleague have been eying up a nice M&S mushroom and ham tagliatelle ready meal, it went out of date today, it's been in their for a week now. Does it now become fair game for us to indulge in, or is it considered theft ? I might just tuck into it tomorrow and if anybody complains will say chucked it out as was smelling fridge out !

On the topic of out-of-date, and at the risk of morphing from Bell Cheeses to Jobsworths, I went to buy some flowers for the missus from the Co-op. Got to the till and they wouldn't sell me them as they were 'past the display till date'. I gently explained that I wouldn't be eating them - but to no avail. They simply wouldn't hand them over. I asked what they would do with them - and they said 'we'll send them back'.

Meanwhile - be careful about fridges. We have an irritating woman at work who has a fridge purge every now and then. She'll throw out anything that is slightly old - even if it's perfectly fine, and nothing to do with her. I lost a half full pot of Oxford Marmalade recently because she deemed it 'old' - even though it had probably only been there a month. Ironically, if I had left it in the cupboard above the fridge which she doesn't have this manic urge to clean, it would have been left alone. Even though it would have possibly have had a thin layer of mould, which is, of course, avoided by keeping it in the fridge - which is why I put it in there!!

She also (we think it's her anyway) leaves patronising printed messages on the draining board such as 'We'll done you - a lovely clean draining board for the third day in a row'....

 

[Cian]

She also (we think it's her anyway) leaves patronising printed messages on the draining board such as 'We'll done you - a lovely clean draining board for the third day in a row'....

We had someone who printed multiple passive aggressive messages of that type (usually signed "management" until I hinted that I could track print jobs (I'm sure I actually could; but I really don't give a toss) in conversation with the prime suspect - who isn't management - and it has suddenly stopped.

Find your nearest IT staffer with that level of access and see if they'll cooperate.

 

[AmexRuislip]

On the topic of out-of-date, and at the risk of morphing from Bell Cheeses to Jobsworths, I went to buy some flowers for the missus from the Co-op. Got to the till and they wouldn't sell me them as they were 'past the display till date'. I gently explained that I wouldn't be eating them - but to no avail. They simply wouldn't hand them over. I asked what they would do with them - and they said 'we'll send them back'.

Meanwhile - be careful about fridges. We have an irritating woman at work who has a fridge purge every now and then. She'll throw out anything that is slightly old - even if it's perfectly fine, and nothing to do with her. I lost a half full pot of Oxford Marmalade recently because she deemed it 'old' - even though it had probably only been there a month. Ironically, if I had left it in the cupboard above the fridge which she doesn't have this manic urge to clean, it would have been left alone. Even though it would have possibly have had a thin layer of mould, which is, of course, avoided by keeping it in the fridge - which is why I put it in there!!

She also (we think it's her anyway) leaves patronising printed messages on the draining board such as 'We'll done you - a lovely clean draining board for the third day in a row'....

Is her name Sally?

 

[Postman Pat]

We had a short power cut today, lost power for about 10 mins, which didn't actually impact anyone as we all have laptops and batteries kicked in, yet everyone seemed to down tools for about 3 hours.

 

[Easy 10]

What are the rules around stuff left in the fridge in the work kitchen ? Me and my colleague have been eying up a nice M&S mushroom and ham tagliatelle ready meal, it went out of date today, it's been in their for a week now. Does it now become fair game for us to indulge in, or is it considered theft ? I might just tuck into it tomorrow and if anybody complains will say chucked it out as was smelling fridge out !

Ahhhh, the work fridge. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Check out our works fridge one day last year. A highly typical game of "I'm not using the last bit of milk in the bottle, because it means I'll have to wash the empty bottle out and I can't be ARSED. So I'll just open a new one instead". Cue a seemingly never-ending build up of *almost* empty milk bottles.

 

[FatSuperman]

Cue a seemingly never-ending build up of *almost* empty milk bottles.

I know it's despicable in normal circumstances, but what are your feelings on combining the milk from all of these part bottles, into some unholy Frankenstein bottle? Maybe add a bit of milt in to top it off?

 

[Easy 10]

I know it's despicable in normal circumstances, but what are your feelings on combining the milk from all of these part bottles, into some unholy Frankenstein bottle? Maybe add a bit of milt in to top it off?

I NEVER mix milk from separate bottles. That'd be like crossing the streams.

 

[FatSuperman]

I NEVER mix milk from separate bottles. That'd be like crossing the streams.

Of course, of course. I was simply wondering if there were exceptions. Like when you've got to mess up a gatekeeper / keymaster combo?

 

[8ace]

Its boiling in my office, the temperature is currently showing as 27 degrees. Yet instead of the people that are apparantly cold putting on more clothes they insist on the temperature being turned up. Im a dripping pool of sweat.

There is a new bloke at my work who has just moved to the area so he's got a drum with some people he's never met.
He said yesterday that the doris who he is sharing with put the thermostat up to 32 on sunday!
F*ck me sideways I never knew they went that high - the poor ****er said he had to open a window!

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

Staff Retreats.

We just had our first one in the 8 years I've been working for a midsize economic development nonprofit. First off I was disappointed it did not follow the fad of being labeled a "Staff Advance." Second, we had to come up with personal Vision and Mission Statements -- organizational bellcheesery at its finest. I was tempted to request relabeling the Session "Interpersonal Beaconicity" as a pisstake but stopped myself, mindful of this very thread and my already tenuous membership of Bellcheese.uk.com, being as how I'm an offshore entity.

Anyway, next, we had "homework" to do for the following day: Come attired or bring materials to demonstrate a special talent or skill. In all seriousness, as I do referee yoof, High School, and adult soccerball games, I donned my most garish ref shirt (crimson) and full gear, and when it was my turn, donned a blindfold and carried a long white cane. Being an American audience I don't think they got the gist so most of the assembled throng were confused. In retrospect I should have brought Reggie along, my chocolate lab. Still, there is nothing as rewarding as British humour flying over the heads of our Colonial brethren.

Confusion rapidly turned to horror. The highlight was a colleague whose skill apparently is juggling, unbeknownst to us all. Not just that, but juggling flaming batons. He was rather good TBH except when attempting a particular whimsical trick that resulted in a flaming baton flying into the abundant tropical shrubbery, threatening to set the wooden post-and-pier building on fire. Truly excellent stuff as significant scrambling was done to (a) get out of the way and (b) locate a fire extinguisher. Suffice to say, much shrubbery was trampled that day, my friends.

I shall not bore you with the usual jargon and Blue Sky Thinking/Round Table-ing that was encouraged at the two-day timewaster, but hopefully the next time, my colleague -- or a newbie -- will demonstrate knife throwing or something similar and dodgy and we can all be sent home early. Can't wait for the next "Staff Advance".

 

[dazzer6666]

1. Mice - I actually caught one in our office once (5th floor). Trapped it in a corner under a colleague's desk - and yes, she was stood on the desk screaming. It was tiny.
2. Fridges - source of continual angst in my current and previous office. Food going 'missing', people 'stealing' milk, people taking up too much space.....keeps the grumpy old bints in the office occupied for hours moaning about it. The cleaners empty the fridges every Friday which pretty much solves all the out of date food issues :-D

 

[Norman Potting]

Staff Retreats.

We just had our first one in the 8 years I've been working for a midsize economic development nonprofit. First off I was disappointed it did not follow the fad of being labeled a "Staff Advance." Second, we had to come up with personal Vision and Mission Statements -- organizational bellcheesery at its finest. I was tempted to request relabeling the Session "Interpersonal Beaconicity" as a pisstake but stopped myself, mindful of this very thread and my already tenuous membership of Bellcheese.uk.com, being as how I'm an offshore entity.

Anyway, next, we had "homework" to do for the following day: Come attired or bring materials to demonstrate a special talent or skill. In all seriousness, as I do referee yoof, High School, and adult soccerball games, I donned my most garish ref shirt (crimson) and full gear, and when it was my turn, donned a blindfold and carried a long white cane. Being an American audience I don't think they got the gist so most of the assembled throng were confused. In retrospect I should have brought Reggie along, my chocolate lab. Still, there is nothing as rewarding as British humour flying over the heads of our Colonial brethren.

Confusion rapidly turned to horror. The highlight was a colleague whose skill apparently is juggling, unbeknownst to us all. Not just that, but juggling flaming batons. He was rather good TBH except when attempting a particular whimsical trick that resulted in a flaming baton flying into the abundant tropical shrubbery, threatening to set the wooden post-and-pier building on fire. Truly excellent stuff as significant scrambling was done to (a) get out of the way and (b) locate a fire extinguisher. Suffice to say, much shrubbery was trampled that day, my friends.

I shall not bore you with the usual jargon and Blue Sky Thinking/Round Table-ing that was encouraged at the two-day timewaster, but hopefully the next time, my colleague -- or a newbie -- will demonstrate knife throwing or something similar and dodgy and we can all be sent home early. Can't wait for the next "Staff Advance".

Bellcheesery at its finest, at an "overripe Stinking Bishop" level. Well done sir!