Bell Cheeses at work

[Box of Frogs]

If its not already banned for this reason, get one and it will be shortly: fire alarms/sprinklers.

We have toasters at our offices and we have had at least two fire alarms caused by bell cheeses burning toast.

It's not so bad in the summer when the weather is nice but in December when it's p155ing down I don't really want to be stood outside waiting for the fire brigade to give us the all clear to go back inside!

 

[Cian]

We have toasters at our offices and we have had at least two fire alarms caused by bell cheeses burning toast.

It's not so bad in the summer when the weather is nice but in December when it's p155ing down I don't really want to be stood outside waiting for the fire brigade to give us the all clear to go back inside!

False alarm fire brigade callout charges (hefty enough here) were sufficient for there to be a total ban on toasters in the organisation. The Spar shop around the corner now sells bare toast as an item from the deli!

 

[hans kraay fan club]

In an EXCITING development here, my boss actually plucked up the balls to pull up the crisp monster on her eating. Not on the noise, but on the malingering.

He went downstairs for something when she was making tea, at quarter past nine, to find her pouring herself a big bowl of CEREAL. Quite reasonably told her that he wasn't paying her to EAT and that she should have her breakfast before work like everybody else.

Needless to say, she is now SULKING, and telling anyone prepared to listen, how UNFAIR he was being. The fat nuisance.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

I don't know if you have found a solution - but what about setting up a better playlist, and then changing the password on the laptop and locking the screen?

 

[BBassic]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.Relmtech.Remote&hl=en_GB

I downloaded this to use at parties as one of my friends has, shall we say, anti-social music tastes around 4am. Now whenever he's putting on some awful drum and bass noise I can just switch it from my phone.

 

[Brian Fantana]

In an EXCITING development here, my boss actually plucked up the balls to pull up the crisp monster on her eating. Not on the noise, but on the malingering.

He went downstairs for something when she was making tea, at quarter past nine, to find her pouring herself a big bowl of CEREAL. Quite reasonably told her that he wasn't paying her to EAT and that she should have her breakfast before work like everybody else.

Needless to say, she is now SULKING, and telling anyone prepared to listen, how UNFAIR he was being. The fat nuisance.

Good work that man

 

[Brian Fantana]

There's a new type of office bell cheese who has drifted unwantedly into my life - the pregnancy busybody.

Mrs Fantana is currently expecting our first child, and ever since word got out in the office (she's got a friend who also works here who must have blabbed), there's been a parade of women trawling past my desk enquiring about every minute pregancy-related symtom possible. 'Is she suffering from this?,' 'Is this craving that?', 'When I was pregnant, this happened'. Blah, blah, blah.

It's endless, and like some sort of hellish human represenation of those Newton's cradles - as soon as one gang of them go away, another comes straight round the corner to ask EXACTLY the same questions.

 

[Norman Potting]

I had a strange empty feeling over the last few weeks, now I know why. Welcome back old friend, the "..Bell Cheeses" thread.

 

[nail-Z]

If its not already banned for this reason, get one and it will be shortly: fire alarms/sprinklers.

We had 3 fire engines turn up at our offices at 4am one morning to attend a fire.

The "Fire" was one of our operators deciding to warm his sausage* on the toaster and forgot all about it.

(* not a euphemism)

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

We had 3 fire engines turn up at our offices at 4am one morning to attend a fire.

The "Fire" was one of our operators deciding to warm his sausage* on the toaster and forgot all about it.

(* not a euphemism)

It may not be a euphemism for you, Z, but I like the metaphor a lot.
Scene: Humble Grass Hut, on a balmy tropical midwinter's eve.
"Darling, might we perchance warm a sausage on your toaster?"
For sure, it's a winner; excellent work.

 

[dazzer6666]

There's a new type of office bell cheese who has drifted unwantedly into my life - the pregnancy busybody.

Mrs Fantana is currently expecting our first child, and ever since word got out in the office (she's got a friend who also works here who must have blabbed), there's been a parade of women trawling past my desk enquiring about every minute pregancy-related symtom possible. 'Is she suffering from this?,' 'Is this craving that?', 'When I was pregnant, this happened'. Blah, blah, blah.

It's endless, and like some sort of hellish human represenation of those Newton's cradles - as soon as one gang of them go away, another comes straight round the corner to ask EXACTLY the same questions.

I feel for you......one of the most annoying things that can happen to a man......

 

[e77]

In a previous job someone set off the fire alarm by heating a doughnut in a microwave!

 

[Cian]

In a previous job someone set off the fire alarm by heating a doughnut in a microwave!

In the surreal world that is "the media", where the engineering staff are somehow also facilities management (I have never been asked before in an interview if I was willing to change lightbulbs for a sysadmin role), my responsibility does stretch to whether we can have microwaves or not.

I suspect that even with this 'evidence' I might be strung up if I remove the microwaves - two of them - used by people to heat manky egg mixtures and prepacked soup everyday.

 

[dazzer6666]

Colleague of mine emptied a 30 storey tower in Miami by forgetting their bagel was in the toaster............fair play to her, she bluffed it out.

 

[Bodian]

In an EXCITING development here, my boss actually plucked up the balls to pull up the crisp monster on her eating. Not on the noise, but on the malingering.

He went downstairs for something when she was making tea, at quarter past nine, to find her pouring herself a big bowl of CEREAL. Quite reasonably told her that he wasn't paying her to EAT and that she should have her breakfast before work like everybody else.

Needless to say, she is now SULKING, and telling anyone prepared to listen, how UNFAIR he was being. The fat nuisance.

Lad who sits opposite me often starts eating his aromatic sandwiches around about an early lunchtime. I point out that we have a staff room for that, to which his answer is along the lines of 'I'm going shopping / taking the car to the garage / something similar at lunchtime'. He seems to think that lunchtime is when he is out of the building, rather than the time you eat lunch. Meanwhile, he gets paid for dropping all his crumbs into the keyboard as he pretends to continue working......

 

[hans kraay fan club]

09.17am - packet of 'Real' s&v crisps. (mercifully she took them to the kitchen to scoff while she made tea)
09.50am - (shop bought) pack of cheeses and pickle sandwiches. Scoffed.
Amazing

 

[Brian Fantana]

09.17am - packet of 'Real' s&v crisps. (mercifully she took them to the kitchen to scoff while she made tea)
09.50am - (shop bought) pack of cheeses and pickle sandwiches. Scoffed.
Amazing

Christ.

It's not just the eating at such an early stage in the work day that bothers me the most with this woman, it's the fact that she can face cheese and pickle before 10am. Astounding.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Colleague of mine emptied a 30 storey tower in Miami by forgetting their bagel was in the toaster............fair play to her, she bluffed it out.

Remember many years ago, blowing up the microwave in a certain High Street Banks offices by putting in a pie in it's foil tray and forgetting about it. Then went on to put out the smoking mess with a powder based extinguisher (nearest thing to hand). By the time I'd finished it looked like a coke orgy had taken place all over the kitchen !

Luckily it was over an extremely long bank holiday weekend with little sleep, whilst putting new systems in. By Tuesday morning nobody could remember what had happened or who did it

 

[Easy 10]

Not exactly bellcheesery on my part, I don't think. But I just had the following conversation in the kitchen with an overweight middle aged woman (OMAW) who was getting a Kit Kat Chunky from the fridge.

OMAW: "Tch. Not as chunky as they used to be"
Me: "Huh ?"
OMAW: "These Kit Kat Chunkys. Nowhere near as chunky as they used to be are they"
Me: "Maybe they're just trying to tackle Britains obesity crisis"
OMAW: "Thanks"

One of those moments when as soon as the words had left my lips, I was doing an inward



As an aside, this now reminds me of one of my favourite jokes, where a guy rocks up at a petrol station kiosk.

Customer: "Number 7. And can you get me a Kit Kat chunky ?"
Clerk: "Sure" (goes away and comes back with a Kit Kat Chunky)
Customer: "No just a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch"

 

[Lower West Stander]

A fine example today.

One of the admin assistants has gone on maternity leave (not missed - she was useless). We now have a temp in her place.

Email sent to the department today informing us not to ask her to do anything for 2 weeks as she is not "up to speed yet".

FFS! This has got be the basic basic job in the world. All she has to do is book meeting rooms, go and get the post and fill out travel itineraries. Oh and order stationery.

Why does it take 2 weeks to learn this? She seemed perfectly adept at standing by the coffee machines nattering to the other secretaries for 20 minutes yesterday.