Bell Cheeses at work

[Brian Fantana]

FFS [MENTION=5238]Brian Fantana[/MENTION] what's in the Fridge? This isn't Strictly come dancing suspense, it's X factor.

At our place. The SHITTERS are all blocked (wasn't me). As I've been for a lunchtime pint and haven't had my daily dose of 5 minutes on World of Tanks, this has ruined my Friday.

1. Drench

2. Leftover lasagne

3. Tupperware of raw carrot batons

4. 2 x plum

 

[lawros left foot]

1. Drench

2. Leftover lasagne

3. Tupperware of raw carrot batons

4. 2 x plum

The newbie really is a 2xplum, isn't he.

 

[Norman Potting]

I feel that this is appropriate to share with you

https://www.google.fr/search?q=mount+bellenden+ker&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&gws_rd=cr&ei=z_TQVebwEMjbU6n9qZAG.

Perhaps an image of the mountain could feature in the official website proposed for this thread?

 

[Igzilla]

He did this AGAIN.

HAT TRICK! Does he get to keep the train now?

 

[Brian Fantana]

An updated on the FRIDGE:

It has been removed, as it failed its PAT test. A whole host of potential pranks have been cut down before they could flourish.

 

[Woodchip]

I can’t wait to see how this fridge thing unfolds. Glorious.

Anyway, patrons of this thread may (or may not) recall that I work with a bloke who has a CCTV camera set up in his living room which provides him with a LIVE feed, direct to his phone, of his two dogs as they spend their day sleeping on the settee and generally loafing around doing what dogs do. Better there than in the office I suppose, but I could quite happily live without the intermittent updates from him about his mutts movements.

Anyway, he’s ALWAYS ordering stuff off Amazon, then dutifully reporting to me whats next for delivery. The latest thing he’s excited about (I’m not exaggerating, it IS genuine excitement) is this.

Yup. He’s bought a multicoloured LED lightbulb, with remote control, which he has now fixed up in his lounge. The conversation this very morning went thus:

Him: “I played with my lightbulb last night, its brilliant. You can set it to any colour, you can make it brighter or dimmer, you can have it cycling through the colours, or flashing even. I set it to orange last night, it was just like a sunset. So cool”.
Me: “The evenings must just fly by in your house”.

Oh, and the next thing…One of his dogs is jet black, so he has difficulty spotting it when he takes it for a walk in the woods at night. The solution ? He’s browsing thermo-tracker head mounted NIGHT-GOGGLES (but not “toy ones” – he wants proper military grade ones). I pointed out that walking around in the woods in the dead of night wearing military grade thermo-tracking night vision equipment was possible broaching into serial killer territory, but he was unperturbed. He’s going to do it. He is ACTUALLY going to do it.

I can't decide if this is genuine bellcheesery, or just deeply ODD.

[edit]: He is in his 50's.

Sounds like he needs one or more of the following (in no particular order)
1 a partner
2 a hobby
3 a subscription to any porn site
4 tinder
5 a fxxxing life

 

[Lower West Stander]

Back in our London office foe a while and there's been a major development.

The snack machine in the kitchen (where I would get my mid morning Twix) has been replaced by a crappy health food machine with all kinds of granola bars and tasteless baked crisps. No one ever seems to use it though and the card payment thing on it (honestly) doesn't work.

Clearly the work of health conscious secretaries on guilt trips.

Most bizarre though is that the fizzy drink machine next to it is still there.

 

[Gwylan]

Back in our London office foe a while and there's been a major development.

The snack machine in the kitchen (where I would get my mid morning Twix) has been replaced by a crappy health food machine with all kinds of granola bars and tasteless baked crisps. No one ever seems to use it though and the card payment thing on it (honestly) doesn't work.

Clearly the work of health conscious secretaries on guilt trips.

Most bizarre though is that the fizzy drink machine next to it is still there.

A bit off the topic of the thread but why do so many sports clubs/leisure centres have fizzy drink/junk food machines? Isn't that defeating the object

(sorry for derailing the thread but as I work for myself, I don't have any anecdotes about bell cheeses to contribute)

 

[blue'n'white]

Can we make this a GAME? 4 guesses each.

I'm going for:

1. Coke ZERO
2. A yoghurt
3. A cheese sandwich
4. A two-finger kit-kat

1 A sandwich wrapped in tin foil
2 "Innocent" smoothie
3 A tupperware bowl containing salad
4 Mars bar

In one of my jobs there was genuinely a person who ate Mars Bars sliced with some sort of pickle - in another Mars Bar related incident (and in another job) one of the women used to cut herself a slice of Mars Bar per day and make one Mars Bar last a week

 

[Easy 10]

in another Mars Bar related incident (and in another job) one of the women used to cut herself

I thought this thread was about to take a rather dark turn for a second there.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

In one of my jobs there was genuinely a person who ate Mars Bars sliced with some sort of pickle - in another Mars Bar related incident (and in another job) one of the women used to cut herself a slice of Mars Bar per day and make one Mars Bar last a week

Life is too short, to spend with these people.

 

[Cian]

I thought this thread was about to take a rather dark turn for a second there.

I read up to the word "women" and suddenly remembered bumping in to Marianne Faithfull in Tesco once.

 

[Hillian1]

How is it possible to make so much noise when eating?

**** sake this driving me mental.

Smack, smack, smack goes lips.
Slurp,
Aaah,
Sniff.
Crunch, CRUNCH
sniff
aaah

I swear I'm going to freak out by the end of the day.

 

[Brightonia]

A girl I work with is Pregnant and leaving in a few weeks times, problem is she's a complete and utter Bellcheese! Don't like her at all and couldn't give a shit if she's having a kid or not!

Trouble is, is that someone at work is asking for money from everyone for a maternity present for her!

If i don't put anything in, does this make me look like a proper ********

 

[WhingForPresident]

A girl I work with is Pregnant and leaving in a few weeks times, problem is she's a complete and utter Bellcheese! Don't like her at all and couldn't give a shit if she's having a kid or not!

Trouble is, is that someone at work is asking for money from everyone for a maternity present for her!

If i don't put anything in, does this make me look like a proper ********

Even better than giving nothing, give a measly sum to emphasise your contempt. 17 pence or something.

 

[Chicken Runner61]

Can't you just pretend to put something in - I've done that when asked to contribute to stuff others find wonderful but some find absurd

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

A girl I work with is Pregnant and leaving in a few weeks times, problem is she's a complete and utter Bellcheese! Don't like her at all and couldn't give a shit if she's having a kid or not!

Trouble is, is that someone at work is asking for money from everyone for a maternity present for her!

If i don't put anything in, does this make me look like a proper ********

I think it depends on the size of the workplace and how closely you work with the aforementioned sprogdropper.

If you're sharing the same floor of a building, say the odd hello and nothing else I'd think you could easily not contribute without appearing (to those unaware of her bellcheese proclivitie) like a ****.

Sadly, if you inhabit the same team or general area then you may have to give up the polite minimum donation (£1/£2) to avoid the stigma of being 'that guy'.

Unless you really don't care either way, in which case feel free to take money out of the collection, buy a few beers and drink them sat at your desk. Really hammer it home.

 

[Brightonia]

I think it depends on the size of the workplace and how closely you work with the aforementioned sprogdropper.

If you're sharing the same floor of a building, say the odd hello and nothing else I'd think you could easily not contribute without appearing (to those unaware of her bellcheese proclivitie) like a ****.

Sadly, if you inhabit the same team or general area then you may have to give up the polite minimum donation (£1/£2) to avoid the stigma of being 'that guy'.

Unless you really don't care either way, in which case feel free to take money out of the collection, buy a few beers and drink them sat at your desk. Really hammer it home.

We work in a small family ran company and I am already getting crap because i keep "forgetting" to bring money in, so even though shes not in my team, I won't get away with not paying anything without the stigma of being a bellend!

Can't stand her though, so its a bit of a bollock ache!

 

[Withdean11]

We work in a small family ran company and I am already getting crap because i keep "forgetting" to bring money in, so even though shes not in my team, I won't get away with not paying anything without the stigma of being a bellend!

Can't stand her though, so its a bit of a bollock ache!

I'd rather the stigma than give money for a Bell Cheese.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

We work in a small family ran company and I am already getting crap because i keep "forgetting" to bring money in, so even though shes not in my team, I won't get away with not paying anything without the stigma of being a bellend!

Can't stand her though, so its a bit of a bollock ache!

I think you're going to have to give a little then my friend.

Think of it as an investment in the peace and quiet of her maternity leave because I'm sure that if you don't contribute you'll be reminded of it at least once every other day...

I'd rather the stigma than give money for a Bell Cheese.

But in an office, especially a small one, it's not likely to show itself as a quiet burning resentment towards him (which can be easily ignored) but as constant nagging and bitchy comments...sod that.