Bell Cheeses at work

[Nibble]

Women are generally worse than men in the workplace for the following reason:

Annoying Man: Blah blah blah blah,
Male Co worker: Mate, shut the **** up
Annoying man: Fair do's

End of

Annoying woman: Blah blah blah blah
Male Co worker : Keep the noise down
Annoying woman goes to HR, complains of harrassment, 3 month investigation follows and she gossips and bitches to all and sundry and sides are taking and the office crumbles into a steaming heap of menopausal shit and everyone hates everyone.

 

[dazzer6666]

Women are generally worse than men in the workplace for the following reason:

Annoying Man: Blah blah blah blah,
Male Co worker: Mate, shut the **** up
Annoying man: Fair do's

End of

Annoying woman: Blah blah blah blah
Male Co worker : Keep the noise down
Annoying woman goes to HR, complains of harrassment, 3 month investigation follows and she gossips and bitches to all and sundry and sides are taking and the office crumbles into a steaming heap of menopausal shit and everyone hates everyone.

LOL. This,sadly....and you get to meet HR, a written warning and sent for 'diversity training' or suchlike.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

I don't think it's been mentioned in this thread anywhere yet so I feel compelled to ask;

Does anyone else have to deal with utter ****wits in the office who insist on speaking in (usually horrendous) accents for NO reason?

It's just soul destroying, I've had to ensure an afternoon of European accents being used in conversation, for no reason I can discern, even after the normal routine of morning greetings in West Country voices. 'Mornin' my lovaaar', 'ooh mornan!'.

All of them from around Brighton, obviously no blokes involved.

My hatred today is burning with the force of a thousand suns.

 

[BBassic]

I don't think it's been mentioned in this thread anywhere yet so I feel compelled to ask;

Does anyone else have to deal with utter ****wits in the office who insist on speaking in (usually horrendous) accents for NO reason?

It's just soul destroying, I've had to ensure an afternoon of European accents being used in conversation, for no reason I can discern, even after the normal routine of morning greetings in West Country voices. 'Mornin' my lovaaar', 'ooh mornan!'.

All of them from around Brighton, obviously no blokes involved.

My hatred today is burning with the force of a thousand suns.

There's a girl here who insists on calling everyone 'my love'. Drove me mental so I told her to stop. Now she just doesn't talk to me at all. And nothing of value was lost.

 

[Norman Potting]

I sense a lot of anger and frustration on this thread.


Keep it coming!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

There's a girl here who insists on calling everyone 'my love'. Drove me mental so I told her to stop. Now she just doesn't talk to me at all. And nothing of value was lost.

Did she do it with an accent? Random verbal tics and habits tend to pass me by, but the minute someone starts to break out a regional voice my back goes right up (it must be said this isn't the case if they're actually from there in the first place).

Ah, now the voices have stopped and we're onto whispering. Does anyone actually think that hissing like an angry cobra makes them less noticeable?! Tossers!

 

[BBassic]

Did she do it with an accent?

Yeah it was that horrible faux northern thing "me loov".

 

[Flex Your Head]

28 year old woman who sits next to me was looking at Google maps and suddenly exclaimed “Bloody hell! Look where the Falkland Islands are!”
“Err… yeah. What’s your point?”
“I thought they were up here!” gesticulates to somewhere near Iceland.
“But… but… you know where Argentina is don’t you?”
“Yeah… err… somewhere over here?” gesticulates to somewhere near Scandinavia.
“Bloody hell, Emma, you’ve got a degree haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“What’s it in?”
“History”
“OK.” Deep breath. “What year did the second world war end?”
“19… 1942.”
“WHAT THE FU…”
“I was joking, I was joking. 1943”.

Please can I go home now?

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Yeah it was that horrible faux northern thing "me loov".

What a terrible excuse for a human being. If it was one individual I would follow your example but I can't a) be bothered with having a gaggle of them hating me and b) my job usually needs me to get on with everyone (to some degree), so I'd rather not burn a bridge I might have to walk over.

If anyone has a suggestion, beyond deafening myself with Metallica, I'm open to it!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

28 year old woman who sits next to me was looking at Google maps and suddenly exclaimed “Bloody hell! Look where the Falkland Islands are!”
“Err… yeah. What’s your point?”
“I thought they were up here!” gesticulates to somewhere near Iceland.
“But… but… you know where Argentina is don’t you?”
“Yeah… err… somewhere over here?” gesticulates to somewhere near Scandinavia.
“Bloody hell, Emma, you’ve got a degree haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“What’s it in?”
“History”
“OK.” Deep breath. “What year did the second world war end?”
“19… 1942.”
“WHAT THE FU…”
“I was joking, I was joking. 1943”.

Please can I go home now?

It doesn't beat your example but I was once asked whether lava was hot.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

[MENTION=19864]Flex Your Head[/MENTION] mentioned Google maps which reminded me of our resident thicko

Sat around at lunch there was a conversation regarding the whereabouts of missing Malaysian flight MH370. After the round of the usual theories, our resident super sleuth came up with this pearl of wisdom

‘’What I don’t understand is, Why they can’t search for it on Google Maps?

We almost did the heimlich maneuver on one bloke as he choked on his lunch laughing.

 

[AmexRuislip]

We have this bloke at work that does not stop talking; he has nicknames such as the talking head and the echo.
If you explain anything relating to his job he repeats back to you what has been just said, and before you know it, you're confused to hell.
Sometimes it’s really infuriating, but on the plus side if you really want to annoy someone you can get this bloke talking, then subtly walk away leaving him spouting verbal diarrhoea to your intended victim.........classic

 

[Staly]

It doesn't beat your example but I was once asked whether lava was hot.

I was once asked whether dinosaurs came before Romans.

 

[ozzygull]

There is a guy in our office that continually sniffs and clears his throat in an very unpleasant way. It's not that he has a cold as he has been doing it for months. Really want to kill him, resulted to headphones instead.

 

[Frutos]

28 year old woman who sits next to me was looking at Google maps and suddenly exclaimed “Bloody hell! Look where the Falkland Islands are!”
“Err… yeah. What’s your point?”
“I thought they were up here!” gesticulates to somewhere near Iceland.
“But… but… you know where Argentina is don’t you?”
“Yeah… err… somewhere over here?” gesticulates to somewhere near Scandinavia.
“Bloody hell, Emma, you’ve got a degree haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“What’s it in?”
“History”
“OK.” Deep breath. “What year did the second world war end?”
“19… 1942.”
“WHAT THE FU…”
“I was joking, I was joking. 1943”.

Please can I go home now?

A colleague of mine once asked me if I could tell them what country Belgium is in.

 

[Nibble]

I once worked with a chap whose mother died after a very long, tough illness. When she passed away he had to weeks off. In the meantime his Sister came in looking for him. We were all quite shocked to hear his mother was very much alive and well with no illness in Ipswich. He was sacked upon his return to work.

 

[dazzer6666]

I once worked with a chap whose mother died after a very long, tough illness. When she passed away he had to weeks off. In the meantime his Sister came in looking for him. We were all quite shocked to hear his mother was very much alive and well with no illness in Ipswich. He was sacked upon his return to work.

Priceless. Once worked with someone who had a week off after their DOG died, then when they didn't turn up the following Monday, I called her and she said she 'wasn't ready to face the world yet, at least for another week'.

 

[Nibble]

Priceless. Once worked with someone who had a week off after their DOG died, then when they didn't turn up the following Monday, I called her and she said she 'wasn't ready to face the world yet, at least for another week'.

Beggars belief doesn't it!

 

[BlockDpete]

There's a girl here who insists on calling everyone 'my love'. Drove me mental so I told her to stop. Now she just doesn't talk to me at all. And nothing of value was lost.

Should have called her "Dear" or "Deary".

That said, you probably would have been marched off to HR on a sexism charge. Never the same for them, is it?

 

[Nibble]

Call everyone flowerpot.