Mackenzie
Old Brightonian
Quite clearly what you require is a Mantis Shrimp. The hardest animal there is. Apparently.
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
09.46 The first <rustle, rustle, crunch, chomp, chomp, crunch> packet of CRISPS, of the day.
09.46.
09.46.
There's a bloke who sits just in front of my bank of desks at work. He is LITERALLY about 75 years old. Every lunchtime he whacks his feet up on the desk and has an afternoon snooze for about an HOUR after his lunch- and every day I genuinely think he has snuffed it. He is also considerably deaf so I have to put up with him SHOUTING down the phone to whoever he happens to be talking to. It's usually inane drivel about where he is playing golf at the weekend and what his BORING daughters have been up to. On top of this, he seems to have a constant cough and spends most of his day clearing his throat RIDICULOUSLY loudly. I'm leaving for a new job next week but before I go I'm determined to push him off his chair when he's asleep.
Surely you've got some AMUSING ringtones on your phone you can go through.
10.00 Crisps finished. Throw the packet straight in the bin? Nope. Take two minutes playing with empty packet - folding it up into a little triangle, before then throwing it away. Check.
10.33 Onto her lunchtime sandwiches, already. From a plastic tub? Of course not - not nearly annoying enough. From crinkly tin-foil - yep. Of course she can't just OPEN the tinfoil and SCOFF them, because that would brazenly be eating her (first) lunch at half past ****ing TEN in the morning. So no, she has to unwrap them, and take a single sneaky nibble, then noisily wrap them up again. For three minutes, before noisily unwrapping...
10.37 And YAAY!! the noise machine has arrived, and has clearly been listening to OLLY ****ing MURS on whatever shit local radio station she has on in the car on the way in.
Its going to be a long day.
10.33 Onto her lunchtime sandwiches, already. From a plastic tub? Of course not - not nearly annoying enough. From crinkly tin-foil - yep. Of course she can't just OPEN the tinfoil and SCOFF them, because that would brazenly be eating her (first) lunch at half past ****ing TEN in the morning. So no, she has to unwrap them, and take a single sneaky nibble, then noisily wrap them up again. For three minutes, before noisily unwrapping...
10.37 And YAAY!! the noise machine has arrived, and has clearly been listening to OLLY ****ing MURS on whatever shit local radio station she has on in the car on the way in.
Its going to be a long day.
Post-push pictures please, better still get someone to film it....
Working from home today, so just got the sound of the missus hoovering at the moment. Sure she only does it when I am at home to make it look like it happens all the time
Keep us updated. Your increasingly sh"t day is making ours better........
Post-push pictures please, better still get someone to film it....
Working from home today, so just got the sound of the missus hoovering at the moment. Sure she only does it when I am at home to make it look like it happens all the time
He's just come in- have whacked my headphones on in a vain attempt to drown out his noise...
My head-phones are all that stand between me and a full-on breakdown. I LITERALLY could not function at work without them.
Ditto- I think I would have gone full on bat shit MENTAL months ago without mine.
Its a BELL CHEESE full house at work for me today.
First, some nob with a hipster beard has brought his stinking DOG to work with him- WHY, just WHY??
Second, the team opposite me have decided to have a buffet lunch and have used the empty desk right next to mine to deposit their foul smelling Iceland mini pizzas, sausage rolls and cheese and onion quiches. The *******s haven't even offered me any...
First, some nob with a hipster beard has brought his stinking DOG to work with him- WHY, just WHY??
Second, the team opposite me have decided to have a buffet lunch and have used the empty desk right next to mine to deposit their foul smelling Iceland mini pizzas, sausage rolls and cheese and onion quiches. The *******s haven't even offered me any...
Get the dog to eat the buffet.
Effing GENIUS!!
TWOCHOICEStom
Well-known member
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,991
- Thread starter
- #257
Why do people bring in Quiche? The dullest of dull food
I notice you are in Cov [MENTION=4815]seagully[/MENTION] which explains the presence of Iceland Pizzas but doesn't explain where this HIPSTER has come from, unless, given he has a dog, he is actually a well dressed Tramp.
I'm with the middle classes in Kenilworth by the way. So much so, I'm going to the Rugby on Sunday over Wolves tomorrow.
I notice you are in Cov [MENTION=4815]seagully[/MENTION] which explains the presence of Iceland Pizzas but doesn't explain where this HIPSTER has come from, unless, given he has a dog, he is actually a well dressed Tramp.
I'm with the middle classes in Kenilworth by the way. So much so, I'm going to the Rugby on Sunday over Wolves tomorrow.
Haha to be fair, the dog smelled so bad he could well be a tramp who has snuck in without anyone noticing!
We are in the 'posher' side of Cov, near Warwick Uni so there are a number of people from Kenilworth/Leamington/Warwick way working here- I expected organic homemade basil and dill mini pizzas to be honest rather than the cheap rubbish they have brought in.
I'm not off to Wolves either, more through general apathy than anything else.
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,991
- Thread starter
- #259
In fairness, my desk has 3 pictures on it. They are the 3 biggest wins I've had gambling. Quite what some random IT worker makes of Sergio Ramos scoring for Real Madrid, Silent Oscar winning the Irish Champion hurdle and Lordi the Hard rock winners of the Euro Vision song contest in 2006 staring back at them, I have no idea.
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,991
- Thread starter
- #260
Haha to be fair, the dog smelled so bad he could well be a tramp who has snuck in without anyone noticing!
We are in the 'posher' side of Cov, near Warwick Uni so there are a number of people from Kenilworth/Leamington/Warwick way working here- I expected organic homemade basil and dill mini pizzas to be honest rather than the cheap rubbish they have brought in.
I'm not off to Wolves either, more through general apathy than anything else.
People from Kenilworth and ROYAL Leamington Spa and no Humous? Clearly, the recession has hit home harder than I thought.
On another note, My local boozer sometimes has the Albion games on some Arabic or European channel on a Saturday PM. It beats travelling the length of the country to see this shower at the moment. I'll drop you a PM next time we find it in the listings as you clearly aren't far away.