You should just put your coat on, and go home. Genuinely.
The working day is clearly over.
(Or spend the rest of the afternoon on the internet researching SNAKES)
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
You should just put your coat on, and go home. Genuinely.
The working day is clearly over.
(Or spend the rest of the afternoon on the internet researching SNAKES)
To be fair I have spent a fair amount of the day doing "research" on the internet. My boss is away today and tomorrow and I've been left with about HALF a day's worth of work to get through in that time.
There must be a SNAKE supplier around here somewhere.
Gullflyinghigh
Registered User
- Apr 23, 2012
- 4,279
Easy solution here;
- Get a pet Honeybadger, call the psychopath 'Honey'
- Talk about your new pet at work, imply that it's a dog but never state it
- Wait for the inevitable invite to bring 'Honey' in
- Actually bring it in
- Laugh like a madman as chaos and terror ensues, bye bye doggies/coworkers
- Wait for Police
I'd rather get a HARD pet and bring it in, not some cute animal that everyone will play with.
I've very much enjoyed reading this thread (and most of NSC) as I sit out a 3 month notice period with little actual work to do.
The type of person in some of these offices seems very consistent. It amazes how much covering up, work martyrdom, and general incompetence goes on in the office. The big company I'm leaving in particular seems full of these people.
A few of mine are (agree this is therapeutic)
The middle age, overweight woman who has every conversation at a volume the whole office can here, not to mention spending half the day on the phone.
Said woman having one of the most annoying laughs I've ever heard, like Jimmy Carr's times 10, usually cackling at whatever she says.
Person next to me at 5 or 6 random points during the day (usually interrupting my concentration) starting a conversation with "you know when you just" followed by some boring moan about how they're annoyed with another colleague, work system or website. I don't care, shut up.
People having a conversation on the phone, sighing when it's over then moaning in general about said conversation everyone's just heard. No one cares.
People moaning about the same things every day, every bloody week yet will never do anything about it.
People going nuts every time in the afternoon when the sweet trolley arrives so they can buy a bloody Mars Bar to brighten up their dull lives. (Not saying mine isn't!)
The blame culture and outwardly moaning about emails and work that comes in as if this small menial task is a, difficult and b, will actual make any difference if they do it or not either way.
I could go on...
Oh and the middle age bore who will recite the latest popular viewpoint as if it's an interesting original opinion and not something a child could argue against, also discussing the Apprentice as if it's actually a job interview and not reality television.
The type of person in some of these offices seems very consistent. It amazes how much covering up, work martyrdom, and general incompetence goes on in the office. The big company I'm leaving in particular seems full of these people.
A few of mine are (agree this is therapeutic)
The middle age, overweight woman who has every conversation at a volume the whole office can here, not to mention spending half the day on the phone.
Said woman having one of the most annoying laughs I've ever heard, like Jimmy Carr's times 10, usually cackling at whatever she says.
Person next to me at 5 or 6 random points during the day (usually interrupting my concentration) starting a conversation with "you know when you just" followed by some boring moan about how they're annoyed with another colleague, work system or website. I don't care, shut up.
People having a conversation on the phone, sighing when it's over then moaning in general about said conversation everyone's just heard. No one cares.
People moaning about the same things every day, every bloody week yet will never do anything about it.
People going nuts every time in the afternoon when the sweet trolley arrives so they can buy a bloody Mars Bar to brighten up their dull lives. (Not saying mine isn't!)
The blame culture and outwardly moaning about emails and work that comes in as if this small menial task is a, difficult and b, will actual make any difference if they do it or not either way.
I could go on...
Oh and the middle age bore who will recite the latest popular viewpoint as if it's an interesting original opinion and not something a child could argue against, also discussing the Apprentice as if it's actually a job interview and not reality television.
Norman Potting
Well-known member
Love this thread, haven't worked in an office for over 10 years but in a perverse way I miss it. Reading this allows me to experience office life vicariously, love the thought of bringing a Honey Badger into work.
Gullflyinghigh
Registered User
- Apr 23, 2012
- 4,279
Oh come now, we both know it'd be more than sufficient for your needs. If anything, that it could, viewed from a certain angle. be construed as a cute animal is a massive positive. Your co-workers would creep ever closer wanting to give the adorable little thing a quick pet then, without warning, no more arm and their dog has been eaten.
I genuinely can't understand anyone that wouldn't want to do it.
nail-Z
Well-known member
I don't understand why people feel the need to bring their babies in to work. Surely if your work colleagues are your only friends, arrange to meet them outside of working hours. If they're not your only friends, you'll probably find nobody gives a shit and they're only taking an interest to stop you from getting upset.
Postman Pat
Well-known member
My boss was due to make someone redundant the other week, he hadn't ever had to do it before so steeled himself for the deed, at 9.30 she strolls in with her 4 year old daughter, a pipe at her daughters school had burst and she had no babysitter. His face was an absolute picture.
The deed wasn't done on that day and had to wait for a couple of days, and he managed to palm it off to his boss.
I have worked alongside pretty much all of those people in different guises, there's a textbook CACKLER in the corner of my office.
I've always had you down as a "glass half full" kind of guy though Westy! Does this mean you'll no longer be getting the 7.32 with your favourite train announcements?
nail-Z
Well-known member
I also don't understand why a particular rotund lady in our office, who now requires walking sticks because of her size, gets a disabled parking space right outside the front door. If anything she should be the furthest space away.
I was caught behind her once, as she had to "rest" having walked about 20 yards from her car. I managed to get passed her but it must have been another 20 minutes before she finally got to her desk which seemed a long time. Then I noticed she'd managed to stop off at the canteen for 2 bacon butties.
Bless.
I was caught behind her once, as she had to "rest" having walked about 20 yards from her car. I managed to get passed her but it must have been another 20 minutes before she finally got to her desk which seemed a long time. Then I noticed she'd managed to stop off at the canteen for 2 bacon butties.
Bless.
spring hall convert
Well-known member
It's some club that allows cooing idiots to not do any work once a month for an hour. I just don't get it.
I often have to hotdesk where I am. Can't stand it when you go to sit at a desk and some colleague's spawn of satan is staring back at you in some hideous school photograph. Can't they keep one in their wallet like a normal human being? Or better still, use their imagination? Surely it must be quite difficult to forget what your own child looks like.
Congratulations, you can pro-create. Why are you bothering me with this fact?
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Thumbs up for this quote
We don't have the token fatty here, but many of the other behaviors are familiar.
spring hall convert
Well-known member
People that "congratulate your work anniversary" on Linked In. Kill yourself, it's already happened, you just didn't notice.
Oh agreed. I like hot desking, as it means the desks aren't cluttered with 'personal belongings'. Re the token tubster, also means you can sit away from them. This reached it's nadir for me when one in my old office, talking with her mouth full as usual and spitting cake crumbs when she spoke, said to me as I arrived back from the office gym that 'all that exercise is bad for you'.
This Is only good when people who have left haven't updated their linkedin profile and some of their contacts don't know...
'Ooh, congrats, well done you'
'He fooked off weeks ago, underperformance I believe. Possibly fraud'
Go and see HR, and say that you are PHOBIC of dogs, and that you are going home with STRESS. Until Januray.
If I wasn't a contractor I'd be tempted. What's more annoying is one of the little dogs is GROWLING at the HORSE, not just occasionally but one long, CONTINUOUS growl.