Bell Cheeses at work

[The Clamp]

In my experience there's only two ways to keep a work kitchen tidy.

1: Bin everything that isn't washed and put away.

2. Create an even bigger mess. I mean a thoroughly revolting, vomit inducing, gopping festival of unhygienic shit. Leave an old gym sock on the counter, spread mouldy food around the kettle, take every plate, filthy it up an pile them up on the floor. Empty the contents of any tub or jar in the fridge, into the fridge so it drips and pools and goes rancid. Basically create such a situation that management have to do something.

I have used both methods and they both work. On neither occasion did I email a single person about it or put up any signs. Just did it.

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

What's happened to all the Bell Cheeses? This is the first thing I look for when I open up NSC, not enough Bell Cheesery happening recently!

 

[whitelion]

What's happened to all the Bell Cheeses? This is the first thing I look for when I open up NSC, not enough Bell Cheesery happening recently!

Probably all on their summer breaks.

 

[Baldseagull]

What I am noticing more and more throughout this thread is - in amongst all the different types of BC there are vaguely two opposing groups of people, both of which appear to think the others are the Bell Cheeses;

Group 1 - Fastidious, clean, conscientous, polite, hard worker, puts the hours in - hates laziness, dirtiness, low standards of others.

Group 2 - Relaxed, care-free, calm, bit lazy, mentally a bit checked out of the job - hates political correctness, management speak, anything appearing overly officious.

I'm certainly more a Group 2er than a Group 1er, but it's amusing watching different people have completely different concepts of who the Bell Cheese is.

So which is it? Which are you?

This is an oversimplification of Bellcheesery. Both groups are ok, but like religion, it is the extremists that are the problem.
Both the **** who never tidies up after himself and the **** that sends company wide emails complaining about it are bellcheeses.

 

[British Grenadier]

The office radio is currently playing "The Importance of Being Idle" by Oasis. If you're aware of the song you'll know it has a lazy, persistent 'marching' beat.

Someone in the room is tapping his index finger on his desk in (imperfect) time to this beat. When it gets to the bit after Noel sings "I can't get a life if my hearts not in iiiitt..." his tapping doubles in time. TAP TAP TAP TAP TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP.

3 minutes of pure, unadulterated hell.

I feel your pain, the fella who sits opposite me is a pen clicker, he'll be on a conference call and click his pen off and on multiple times and of course once you have noticed the sound, you cannot unhear it.

What's worse is the guy who whistles the opening bars of Smoke on the Water and then repeats it a number of times

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Why would anyone have a communal office radio playing in the background unless you work in a car repair place? The music is invariably awful, and the DJs very annoying - massive distraction all round (but infinite bell-cheesery opportunities).

 

[dazzer6666]

Why would anyone have a communal office radio playing in the background unless you work in a car repair place? The music is invariably awful, and the DJs very annoying - massive distraction all round (but infinite bell-cheesery opportunities).

Typical amongst PAs in US offices......effing irritating if you're sat nearby.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Just checking in.

09.48, and already onto the second little pack of Go-Ahead bars.


Long day ahead.

 

[dazzer6666]

Just checking in.

09.48, and already onto the second little pack of Go-Ahead bars.


Long day ahead.

Yeah but having allowed herself to fall off the wagon for a couple of days ('it's the weekend, innit') she's got to eat healthy today. Extra bonus points for you if you hear the word 'detox' at any point

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Yeah but having allowed herself to fall off the wagon for a couple of days ('it's the weekend, innit') she's got to eat healthy today. Extra bonus points for you if you hear the word 'detox' at any point

There's little chance she'll speak to me, to be honest, and zero chance of small-talk. I think she's well aware I hold her in complete contempt.

 

[dazzer6666]

There's little chance she'll speak to me, to be honest, and zero chance of small-talk. I think she's well aware I hold her in complete contempt.

Absolutely - you only have to overhear 'detox', not have it said to you directly

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Are KETTLE CHIPS standard detox fodder?

 

[dazzer6666]

Are KETTLE CHIPS standard detox fodder?

No, but they are BLOODY NOISY to eat aren't they

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I'm going downstairs to the workshop for a bit.

 

[Brian Fantana]

11.58 - the grandest of grand ironies. A group of bell cheeses (did we ever decide on the collective noun?) are hovering around one desk reading one of those lists of corporate buzzwords, totally oblivious to the fact most of them throw these bollocks phrases around like confetti.

 

[8049]

did we ever decide on the collective noun?

A helmet?

 

[dazzer6666]

A helmet?

A smegma ?

 

[PTC Gull]

Nice to see this thread back..I think the following qualifies but I will let the sages of NSC advise.
Our company has been on a health kick for the past few years and as an "incentive" they give us dollars to go into our Health Savings Account, to the tune of 1k each per year for both employee and spouse. All you need do is achieve various milestones to get points, which = cash. To this end we had this little ditty from HR last week.

"We hope you are making great plans for the weekend! tomorrow, is Fruit Friday and we are sending you off to your weekend in a healthy way. We are offering 50 Virgin Points for the best candid photo of you and your team enjoying the healthy snacks.

Last week, we were in last place for Fruit Friday Team photos…”why last,” you say and “how dare you”….Well, we didn’t receive any Atlanta photos, so let us meet the challenge and show the Atlanta enthusiasm".

Last para had me laughing and almost prompted me to send this:

 

[dazzer6666]

Nice to see this thread back..I think the following qualifies but I will let the sages of NSC advise.
Our company has been on a health kick for the past few years and as an "incentive" they give us dollars to go into our Health Savings Account, to the tune of 1k each per year for both employee and spouse. All you need do is achieve various milestones to get points, which = cash. To this end we had this little ditty from HR last week.

"We hope you are making great plans for the weekend! tomorrow, is Fruit Friday and we are sending you off to your weekend in a healthy way. We are offering 50 Virgin Points for the best candid photo of you and your team enjoying the healthy snacks.

Last week, we were in last place for Fruit Friday Team photos…”why last,” you say and “how dare you”….Well, we didn’t receive any Atlanta photos, so let us meet the challenge and show the Atlanta enthusiasm".

Last para had me laughing and almost prompted me to send this:

View attachment 87515

I hate HR departments.

 

[PTC Gull]

I hate HR departments.

Ours is a typical American HR Dept. Very busy sending patronizing emails whilst being completly spineless.