LamieRobertson
Not awoke
Agreed….i feel it should almost be compulsory
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[Misc] Advice on elderly parent / (possible) dementia / hospital discharge type stuff
- Thread starter Bozza
- Start date
dejavuatbtn
Well-known member
Good advice. Been through similar issues with my step dad and I’m sorry you have become embroiled in this terrible situation.
You’ll need advice re POA as unlikely your mum has capacity to contract.
Order as follows.
GP for UTI check and getting referral for dementia assessment.
Get assessment (may involve scans) and view re capacity to sign POA.
The assessors will make a referral for Alzheimer’s support.
depending on degree of condition, a care home will be cheaper than specialist dementia care which is bonkers ly expensive.
the biggest issue is that if she has assets care will be self funding down to about £16k at which time social services will need to fund care.
I wish you and you mum well.
jessiejames
Never late in a V8
Sorry to hear this @Bozza had similar with both my mum and dad, unfortunately dadpassed last year. Mum was diagnosed wirh dementia 8 years ago at the moment she is still capable of looking after herself, it does take a toll in you as sometimes my mum will just switch and become violent towards me, the amount of tv remotes controlls i have had to replace where she has thrown it at me. She was even banned from seeing my father on her own in the rest home due to her hitting staff. If this happens just remember its not her but this Disease.
Keep social services involved, i find them really good in the bad times with mum, however mum hates them due to history between her and Social services in regards to Maria Colwell case, for another day.
When my dad was at home he had carers in twice a day, funded by NHS for 6 weeks, mum would normally tell them to p off. After 6 weeks Go back to SS and they can then fund again for another 6 weeks.
they set up pressure mats in case my dad got out of bed, alarm would ring to let you know he was up. They also set up care link which was helpfull. If you or aunt are looking after her get in contact with crossroads, the will send someone up to sit with your mum for 2 hours twice a week to give you rest bite. I would definitely get POA, this i have not got and it causes so much problems, you mught have to go through the court to get Guardianship
of her finances. Done this with the help of SS.
Mother in law showing signs of dimentia, however they have not tested her for it but found out that her parathyroid glands ( not thyroid glands ) are producing to much potassium or calcium into the blood. This causes dementia type symptoms.
Hope this helps a bit.
Keep social services involved, i find them really good in the bad times with mum, however mum hates them due to history between her and Social services in regards to Maria Colwell case, for another day.
When my dad was at home he had carers in twice a day, funded by NHS for 6 weeks, mum would normally tell them to p off. After 6 weeks Go back to SS and they can then fund again for another 6 weeks.
they set up pressure mats in case my dad got out of bed, alarm would ring to let you know he was up. They also set up care link which was helpfull. If you or aunt are looking after her get in contact with crossroads, the will send someone up to sit with your mum for 2 hours twice a week to give you rest bite. I would definitely get POA, this i have not got and it causes so much problems, you mught have to go through the court to get Guardianship
of her finances. Done this with the help of SS.
Mother in law showing signs of dimentia, however they have not tested her for it but found out that her parathyroid glands ( not thyroid glands ) are producing to much potassium or calcium into the blood. This causes dementia type symptoms.
Hope this helps a bit.
jessiejames
Never late in a V8
Ask for a check on her parathyroid glands.
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,976
Indeed, really every adult should have POA in place regardless of age. As for high BP, it's one of the primary causes of Vascular dementia and so important to keep a regular check on. A machine for home is cheap to buy and so important imho, as is diet and exercise, anything to maintain heart and arterial health, thereby lessening dementia risk.
Earlier the better. We already have them in place (both in our 50s).
BrightonCottager
Well-known member
I've highlighted this bit of @ozzygull 's advice because there's a lot of excellent advice about your mum already but this is something you CANNOT neglect. I did, and found myself breaking down while wandering around supermarkets, driving around the M25, out for a walk in Preston Park etc. I ended up being signed off sick for 2 weeks because the burden had fallen on me (and Mrs and Ms BC). Please try to find someone to help and talk to (not just on NSC).
the larks
Member
as a rule of thumb , they should have discharge to assess placement in care / nursing home for 6 weeks while they work out her needs , this is free. They should only discharge to home once she has had a needs assessment , that is free and statutory from Adult Care - this then maps out the care needs and what financial help if any the LA has. PM if you want as I have access to very user friendly social workers who can give you chapter and verse .
I spent many years splicing housing together with hospitals and adult care
I spent many years splicing housing together with hospitals and adult care
METALMICKY
Well-known member
- Jan 30, 2004
- 6,953
Some solid advice there. Make sure you get POA for both health and finance. If ultimately she needs to go into a care Honda do your research carefully. Not all homes that claim to provide dementia care are the same. Many don't provide nursing dementia care if her physical condition worsens and having to move someone again is not great. Don't be sucked in by some of the super plush hotel like homes like those run by Barchester. Aside from the costs it doesn't guarantee high quality care. If the particular type of dementia manifests itself with difficult behaviours many homes run a mile and will get rid sharpish as they just want mildly confused little old ladies asleep in their chair all day.
I wish you the very best of luck as dealing with a loved one with dementia can be emotionally draining. In my case it was my mother in law who up to aged 78 was perfectly OK mentally. She then received a brain injury due to a flying parasol that an Eastbourne restaurant failed to adequately secure secure in high winds. After a 3 month hospital stay she returned home and within 2 months she was claiming that people on the telly were talking to her. It was downhill from there and soon the at home agency care was not viable as Lewy Body dementia was causing violent outbursts. The only saving grace was that after a 2 year court battle the restaurant's insurers paid out a decent settlement that continues to pay for her residential care. With no history of dementia we were eventually able to assert that the onset of her dementia was directly related to the accident. It would be fair to say that a rather well known restaurant in Eastbourne that also has a branch in Lewes no longer has my patronage due to the nightmare they started
The Mole
Well-known member
So sorry to hear your story @Bozza. my mother had Alzheimer’s and one thing I noticed was that it wasn’t a gradual deterioration but it seemed to be steady and a trauma (like my Dad passing away) caused a step change. I think you are going through the worst stage as you are trying to keep her at home with help from carers. we were lucky as my Mum remained cheerful and even volunteered to go in a home.
one thing to watch out for once she is mobile is if she starts wandering.
i do feel for you and I hope she does improve once she is home and sees familiarity around her.
one thing to watch out for once she is mobile is if she starts wandering.
i do feel for you and I hope she does improve once she is home and sees familiarity around her.
jessiejames
Never late in a V8
This is of importance. Im was finding it hard as i did not have POA, mum refuses, thats why i had to get financial Guardianship through the courts.
Mum would spend money on anything in M&S. She lost £2000, thinks she left on the bus. Now at least i can limit her to £20 a day. Last week i had to throw away over £100 worth of out of date M&S food from her fridge.
jessiejames
Never late in a V8
Great advice, esp about the care homes.Some solid advice there. Make sure you get POA for both health and finance. If ultimately she needs to go into a care Honda do your research carefully. Not all homes that claim to provide dementia care are the same. Many don't provide nursing dementia care if her physical condition worsens and having to move someone again is not great. Don't be sucked in by some of the super plush hotel like homes like those run by Barchester. Aside from the costs it doesn't guarantee high quality care. If the particular type of dementia manifests itself with difficult behaviours many homes run a mile and will get rid sharpish as they just want mildly confused little old ladies asleep in their chair all day.
I wish you the very best of luck as dealing with a loved one with dementia can be emotionally draining. In my case it was my mother in law who up to aged 78 was perfectly OK mentally. She then received a brain injury due to a flying parasol that an Eastbourne restaurant failed to adequately secure secure in high winds. After a 3 month hospital stay she returned home and within 2 months she was claiming that people on the telly were talking to her. It was downhill from there and soon the at home agency care was not viable as Lewy Body dementia was causing violent outbursts. The only saving grace was that after a 2 year court battle the restaurant's insurers paid out a decent settlement that continues to pay for her residential care. With no history of dementia we were eventually able to assert that the onset of her dementia was directly related to the accident. It would be fair to say that a rather well known restaurant in Eastbourne that also has a branch in Lewes no longer has my patronage due to the nightmare they started
portslade seagull
Well-known member
My dad was discharged from hospital after spending 18 weeks on a dementia ward after suffering a fall. He still seems quite lucid at times but was convinced the doctors and nurses were trying to kill him.
He is now in a care home as he is unable to walk and is incontinent so in nappies 24/7. Care homes are not cheap 7k a month for him but going home was just not an option. Basically getting old sucks, he would be horrified at his present state.
Mum been diagnosed with lung cancer and has had radiotherapy and has now lost a shed load of weight. Think this could be partially worrying about dad as they had never been apart in 60yrs.
Stay strong Bozza
He is now in a care home as he is unable to walk and is incontinent so in nappies 24/7. Care homes are not cheap 7k a month for him but going home was just not an option. Basically getting old sucks, he would be horrified at his present state.
Mum been diagnosed with lung cancer and has had radiotherapy and has now lost a shed load of weight. Think this could be partially worrying about dad as they had never been apart in 60yrs.
Stay strong Bozza
- Thread starter
- #54
That's rough.
My sister is great - and comes down every other weekend, tagging on leave from work so she can be down for a few days. Outside of that we talk a lot.
In fact, through the whole horrible episode, the impact on my relationship with her is the one positive as we've seen each other more than we otherwise would, and shared a far few bottles of wine after long days at mum's bedside.
- Thread starter
- #55
So much advice on this thread and via PM - thanks so much everyone. I'll give everything a thorough read.
It feels like the POA ship has sailed unfortunately. I don't see how mum is of sound enough mind, as things stand, to consent with the appropriate level of awareness.
I don't doubt she would consent if I asked, but that's not the same, is it?
It is particularly annoying as I did start the process with an online provider a while back, but got to the bit about needing witnesses (the term they use may be slightly different) and stopped, intending to revisit. I didn't, regrettably.
It feels like the POA ship has sailed unfortunately. I don't see how mum is of sound enough mind, as things stand, to consent with the appropriate level of awareness.
I don't doubt she would consent if I asked, but that's not the same, is it?
It is particularly annoying as I did start the process with an online provider a while back, but got to the bit about needing witnesses (the term they use may be slightly different) and stopped, intending to revisit. I didn't, regrettably.
mr sheen
Well-known member
- Jan 17, 2008
- 1,582
If you do go down the private carer route, these have been a godsend for me - https://www.curamcare.com/
Nitram
Well-known member
- Jul 16, 2013
- 2,301
Sorry to hear about your Mum, it’s a distressing situation to be in. I’ve been through it with my Dad.
It sounds like they have made some kind of assessment but has a social worker made that assessment?
When I was dealing with my Dad many years ago I had to fight to get an assessment which was first denied because he was a self funder. West Sussex had a completely different criteria to East Sussex before they would do an assessment. They were of the opinion if an Occupation Therapist was involved that’s all they needed to do.
When I was dealing with my Dad in hospital with dementia many years ago I had to fight to get a social worker’s assessment which was first denied because he was a self funder. West Sussex also had a completely different criteria to East Sussex before they would do an assessment. They were of the opinion if an Occupation Therapist was involved and Doctor’s had said they could be discharged that’s all they needed to do. They also expected the family to arrange all the care.
In Brighton it would be automatic that a social worker would be involved in a complex case such as your mother’s.
A social workers assessment helps to identify what the condition is on discharge and what needs to be in place to support. Most importantly it also should involve your input in the assessment, this gives you the chance to go into more detail about how your Mum was and how she has changed and is a written record.
This assessment also sets a benchmark to measure any future improvement or deterioration. Given the complexities of your Mum’s health and how they have changed so quickly I would recommend you push for a social worker to be involved it will also give you more proactive involvement in the process.
It sounds like they have made some kind of assessment but has a social worker made that assessment?
When I was dealing with my Dad many years ago I had to fight to get an assessment which was first denied because he was a self funder. West Sussex had a completely different criteria to East Sussex before they would do an assessment. They were of the opinion if an Occupation Therapist was involved that’s all they needed to do.
When I was dealing with my Dad in hospital with dementia many years ago I had to fight to get a social worker’s assessment which was first denied because he was a self funder. West Sussex also had a completely different criteria to East Sussex before they would do an assessment. They were of the opinion if an Occupation Therapist was involved and Doctor’s had said they could be discharged that’s all they needed to do. They also expected the family to arrange all the care.
In Brighton it would be automatic that a social worker would be involved in a complex case such as your mother’s.
A social workers assessment helps to identify what the condition is on discharge and what needs to be in place to support. Most importantly it also should involve your input in the assessment, this gives you the chance to go into more detail about how your Mum was and how she has changed and is a written record.
This assessment also sets a benchmark to measure any future improvement or deterioration. Given the complexities of your Mum’s health and how they have changed so quickly I would recommend you push for a social worker to be involved it will also give you more proactive involvement in the process.
Heard horrific stories from our eldest (senior nurse who has until recently worked on DME and stroke wards) about what happens when no POA is in place. Kind of thing we’d planned to do but with no urgency, but she prompted us to JFDI. Once they’re done, they’re done.
As others have said, she is entitled to 6 weeks recuperative care, funded by the local authority - though don’t expect their choice of home to be up to much.
Our Mum, once she was ready to be discharged from the stroke rehab unit at Haywards Heath, was placed in a care home in Hove that was well short of acceptable. It was dusty, gloomy, and she was deeply unhappy there. Within a week, we found her a place in a much brighter, more modern home on Lancing seafront, where she’d get some actual stimulation and the rehab / physio she needed.
But such things cost, and the LA insisted that if we moved Mum from the first place to a home of our choosing, we’d have to fund it. Eventually we successfully argued that they should still contribute the cost of the shit place, and we’d ‘just’ cover the difference.
Our Mum, once she was ready to be discharged from the stroke rehab unit at Haywards Heath, was placed in a care home in Hove that was well short of acceptable. It was dusty, gloomy, and she was deeply unhappy there. Within a week, we found her a place in a much brighter, more modern home on Lancing seafront, where she’d get some actual stimulation and the rehab / physio she needed.
But such things cost, and the LA insisted that if we moved Mum from the first place to a home of our choosing, we’d have to fund it. Eventually we successfully argued that they should still contribute the cost of the shit place, and we’d ‘just’ cover the difference.
My Mum is in a similar situation, but I'm lucky that we have a brother who lives with her to look after her.
One massive, massive relief is that my Mum is not prone to walking out of the house and wandering about in a confused state. That
is one of many symptoms of the condition I believe (although I'm not a medic). When that happens, things start to get very serious,
very quickly (as happened to a neighbour of ours). I wish you all the very best Bozza; it's a constant 24/7 worry. Wakes me up in the middle of the
night sometimes and gives me bad, bad nightmares from time to time. And I consider myself lucky.
One massive, massive relief is that my Mum is not prone to walking out of the house and wandering about in a confused state. That
is one of many symptoms of the condition I believe (although I'm not a medic). When that happens, things start to get very serious,
very quickly (as happened to a neighbour of ours). I wish you all the very best Bozza; it's a constant 24/7 worry. Wakes me up in the middle of the
night sometimes and gives me bad, bad nightmares from time to time. And I consider myself lucky.