A Thread full of Joke du Jours

[Marc]

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?












Do you smell Carrot?














GENIOS!

 

[Kryten]

 

[Icy Gull]

Two cannibals sharing a clown they've just caught and cooked.

One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Citrus]

What a fine first post my man (unless you are a woman)!

 

[Scotty Mac]

what do you call a woman with a tile on her head?

ruth

 

[Kryten]

What a fine first post my man (unless you are a woman)!

Male

 

[Citrus]

Male

... and second post too! Wow! Are we related?

 

[Kryten]

 

[Northstander]

Joke Du Jour

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home? The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.
While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in ! the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket .... and I'll hold the chickens."

 

[Northstander]

Joke du Jour

A bloke is sitting by his car at the side of the road looking unhappy. A
passer-by sees his glum face and asks what the problem is. "I've locked
myself out of my car" replies the man. "That's not a problem" replied the
passer-by, "Step out of the way,and let me try rubbing my bum on the door".
The motorist is a bit perplexed, but reckons there's no harm in it letting
the man try - it might be worth a laugh. The passer-by turns his bum to the
car and slowly rubs it up and down the driver's door. Suddenly, the lock
opens and the passer-by turns and opens the car door. "That's amazing!" says
the motorist, "How did you do it?" "It's easy" replies the pedestrian, "I'm
wearing khaki trousers."

 

[Braders]

 

[Kenhead]

 

[Beach Hut]

 

[Brighton Jock]

 

[Hiney]

brilliant

 

[Juan Albion]

It doesn't work over here. The locals say "Cacky" instead of "Car Key" which gives the tale a whole new meaning...

 

[Robot Chicken]

In a big fancy fish restaurant is a tank where people pick out what they would like to dine on that evening.

In this tank lives a squid, green and with a moustache on his top lip. A friendly looking squid, very popular with the regulars and all of the staff. Other creatures come and go but the squid seems to have been there forever.

One evening a stranger asks to be served the squid. Totally beside himself , the waiter informs Gervais, the head chef, who promptly refuses to cook the squid. "It would break my heart" he says

The restaurant owner doesn't want his restaurant given a bad name but cannot bear to do it either, all of his chefs refuse and in desperation he asks the pot washer, a young German lad called Hans, who despite being offered a weeks wages also refuses to have anything to do with "the slaughter of such a beautiful creature"

Which only goes to prove that Hans who does dishes is as soft as Gervais with the mild green hairy lipped squid.

I'll get me coat.

 

[Sigull]

.

 

[Northstander]

 

[Knightsworld]

I like it