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Right, I've switched over to Lethal Weapon 2. At least I'll see some racists get their comeuppance there.

I've opted for a dickhead majority, and i hope that soulless fop's rise is brief and laughably forgettable. I'm referring to the Boris side of the untrustworthy. My only main hope is that, as with other election outcomes for the last few goes, i've got it wrong.

Due to a widespread illness I had a fortnight as one of Public Enemy's S1Ws. I still hear from their choreographer, Stanley, who sends me pictures of military rifles and hot chillies he almost fainted devouring - he said he had a seizure when nibbling on one called the skid. I was less accepted...

Nope, no party this year, annoyingly. My organisation lost the regulation of social workers, and therefore a third of our income. The consultant who came in decided to recommend cutting staff numbers by a quarter, and no extravagant expenses such as a meagre, appreciative shindig for those of us...

I'm thinking of having a pouch sewn on to my midriff, kangaroo-esquely. Just the same as a roo i'd have it that my own bodily juices would be lovingly spewed there to keep items fresh, so that i can rid myself of packaging almost entirely. Ok i know that that when i accidentally pouch an...

Used to have a great jukebox in there too.

I've finally succumbed to Spence's influential barrage, and i am devastated by this news. I only hope a misguided huger club than ours makes the mistake of admiring him and off he trots on a stepping stone to more noticeable disaster.

I have a clearly soothed mole that has taken up residence in my rarely-used kettle. I am wasting gas by boiling each cuppa's worth in a small pan, so my question to you is how do i dispose of this merry, blind, drownable wee mammal? And should i track down its to carry out similar actions?

Snuck off last eve to the secret screening at my local Picturehouse, trotting gently for 10 minutes so that i would arrive unsuitably damp from rain and exercise. I had minor fears over having the secret of something mind-numbingly dull revealed to me - did you hear about Marjorie in reception...

I've usually cycled 10 minutes before radio 6 tunes in. Most annoying. And some days, usually in the evening, it tries for an age, can't do it, and spotify gets turned on instead. A partial mystery to me, but so much tends to be.

The Andy Kennedy - Maria Whittaker link-up warrants him cult status. As well as a sort of rave dance goal celebration i once saw him carry out.

Are there any ethnics left to fire?

I have a strong dislike for it's not rocket science users.

I love a bit of Kelly Macdonald. Hope she survives longer than some of the other guest leads.

Yup, Diggers for me. I could easily see him in a relationship with snooty Jan Francis. Or fake Kathy Beale's death. He had range.

I recall in my 1980s school days that someone was to bring in a video to watch on the summer term's final day. So, i nominated myself, and brought in Weird Science. The class didn't find it quite as hilarious as i did at the time.

A bearded Japanese boy cycled past me yesterday as mini-Meade and i horsed about whilst waiting for a bus. The hairy-faced teen doffed his cap at me and said: wagwan. I was also recently called bruv by a rotund white Sainsburys worker. Language progresses/expands and words and phrases filter...

The tin opener and the vibrating glove for me.

I won't drink from the bathroom tap as the sink is perhaps 2 feet from where I once a day plant something ghastly. It feels like drinking in a bar with no toilets and just a bucket with a lid in each corner.

Well I agree with him entirely that sex offenders are simply unbecoming. I mean, so uncouth and rascally.