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I'm looking forward to being OUTED as a wokey wokey, then directing the accusers to the articles I have written for...The Daily Mail. That will cause huge confusion.

Release date 12th October, also hoping to announce a few live shows in the autumn to coincide with the book launch including one in Brighton.

Macca gone, Thursday night diversions, those rumours of Mbappe being seen at a Saltdean estate agent failing to be true. Where do you think we will end up?

if I’d known that the quotation on the next book was from a WOKIE I wouldn’t have helped write it.

You okay hun?

Suspect I would be beyond caring

Personally I’d take the £100m, spend half of it on high class cocaine & even more high class hookers, and waste the rest signing some players.

I remember the day when Kid A came out, and I played it in my car on the way to seeing them in concert that evening. Thought it was utter shite on a first play…but I was spectacularly wrong.

I am in favour of ULEZ, but owing to a Tube strike had to drive to London a few months ago. Had no idea how the system worked. Went into the zone at about 6pm and left just after midnight. Did not transfer car to new address until had it MOT'd last month, (I know my bad) so correspondence was...

A young lady visits Paris, Amsterdam and Hamburg on a sightseeing tour. She meets lots of new friends and is invited to understand differing cultural habits and nuances. Finishes with her body resembling a Jackson Pollock painting. European Cumbath 28

If Rab C Nesbitt posted on NSC...

Dan Wootton, Martin Branning and Maria Joseph walk into a bar. "By yourself tonight Dan?" says the barman

As someone who works in educashun, this is pretty new to me, but in a profession that has over 600,000 members there are bound to be some who go off piste. I presume you are referring to the likes of Katharine Birbalsingh?

Are you implying that Jackson Pollock was inspired by her face?

it was an interesting experience being there. Biggest cheer was the celebrity coin toss at the start of the match. American fans very friendly, bizarre to see so many in Liverpool, Spurs, Manchester Utd & City shirts there too. I did feel a bit sorry for the kid with the “Pulisic can I have...

Doubt it, you’ll still be posting regardless x

Me “The economy’s a bit bobbin’s with high inflation, interest rates and low economic growth” Anti-Wokes “But what about children who identify as cats?” Me “Record waiting lists for operations and inability to find an NHS dentist is creating a two speed, increasingly fractured society”...

The new kit is awful for colour blind fans. Struggled to both pick out players and distinguish teams at times. The Albion played well though, even with ten men.

Met Big David Wier this morning in Philly. A really good guy

How low can they go? Expect to find out.