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[Humour] Live Action Dad Jokes.



BadFish

BadFish

Huge Member
Oct 19, 2003
18,194
Sometimes an opportunity is just too good to let pass.

A colleague at the school work was enticing a child off the bus with a cuddly horse

Anyway she was standing talking to another colleague and I wondered over and asked if she had a sore throat.

After she looked at me quizzically I said 'it's just you like you're feeling a little horse'.

This has amused me way more than it should today.

Anyone else got any top live action jokes?
 




Herr Tubthumper

Herr Tubthumper

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
62,680
The Fatherland
Two come to mind but these were a very long time ago.

1) I have done the “Can I have a return ticket please”, “where to?” “back here” gag on a bus.

2) In a chip shop after an Albion game in Oxford I asked two police officers behind me in the queue “Have you come about the fight in here?”, “No, why? “Two fish got battered”. One copper was amused, the other wasn’t.
 










Herr Tubthumper

Herr Tubthumper

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
62,680
The Fatherland
Chicken Run said:
At the school pick up the other day one of the mums asked me what year my son was in….

2024 i replied
Click to expand...
Imagine asking Jakob Rees-Mogg this question.
 


Tom Hark Preston Park

Tom Hark Preston Park

Will Post For Cash
Jul 6, 2003
72,312
At the bus stop in London Road last week, a grey haired old man asked me in a frail voice: 'Excuse me sir, is it Summer yet?'. Poor old man I thought. 'Sorry mate, you've missed it, it's November' says I. He looked crestfallen. 'Oh I'll just have to wait til next Summer then' he said sadly. 'Why? What for?' I asked. 'A bleedin bus' he said. The whole queue, who had been listening in, fell about laughing :lol:
 








SeagullinExile

SeagullinExile

Well-known member
Sep 10, 2010
6,190
London
Q) What’s red, pink, hairy, and sits on a wall?

A) Humpty C**t
 








WATFORD zero

WATFORD zero

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 10, 2003
27,750
Someone at work bought a new flash sports car into the car park and I asked one of the young lads who was into cars 'what's the engine in that ?'

He replied completely straight faced 'It's the thing that makes the wheels go round' :laugh:
 






thedonkeycentrehalf

thedonkeycentrehalf

Moved back to wear the gloves (again)
Jul 7, 2003
9,340
A friend of mine (sadly no longer with us) was in a job interview and had come to the conclusion he didn't want to work for that company.

The interviewer asked him "what are your impressions of the company" to which my mate replied "I'm sorry, I don't do impressions".

The interview terminated fairly quickly after that!
 




Dick Swiveller

Dick Swiveller

Well-known member
Sep 9, 2011
9,524
Gazwag said:
I have been known, at the right time, to come out with

"Have you seen in the news about that actress who was stabbed"

"Reece, erm, Reece somebody, can't think what her surname is, anybody?"...............
Click to expand...
Shearsmith? Nah - he wouldn't let me.
 


Jack Straw

Jack Straw

I look nothing like him!
Jul 7, 2003
7,108
Brighton. NOT KEMPTOWN!
I was pleased with this;
A mate of mine was explaining to me and a small group of friends that he named his dog Polly, as it was a cross between a Poodle and a Collie.
I replied, "Good job it isn't a cross between a Shih Tzu and a Corgi!"
 








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