[Humour] Live Action Dad Jokes.

[Pevenseagull]

They had a special game menu in my local last month.

I ordered the rabbit dish for £15, my mate ordered the venison for £20 and asked why I hadn't gone for that.

Sometimes they write themselves.

 

[Chicken Run]

When i was younger i loved kissing girls who closed their eyes, the problems start when they open them and realise im in their bed

 

[nevergoagain]

What's blue and fucks grannies ?

Me in my lucky blue jumper.

 

[5Ways Gull]

Man goes into the Doctors with a frog growing out of his head. "How can I help you?" says the doctor. "Well it all started with this pimple on my bum" says the frog.

 

[Gazwag]

They had a special game menu in my local last month.

I ordered the rabbit dish for £15, my mate ordered the venison for £20 and asked why I hadn't gone for that.

Sometimes they write themselves.

So I said to this bird in the pub "Are you game?"

She said "yes"

So I shot her

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

I feel the original 'live action Dad Jokes' part of this thread has been lost to those who just want to share general jokes but aren't brave enough to risk putting them forward as Joke Du Jour fodder.

 

[smillie's garden]

They had a special game menu in my local last month.

I ordered the rabbit dish for £15, my mate ordered the venison for £20 and asked why I hadn't gone for that.

Sometimes they write themselves.

If I was your mate I would have retorted “bloody elk!”

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

Years ago, I went to the doctor about abdominal pain (turns out it was an ulcer)
Anyway, he asked if I had any problem passing water.
I replied ' I had a dizzy spell going over the tower bridge once'

 

[Coldeanseagull]

I was pleased with this;
A mate of mine was explaining to me and a small group of friends that he named his dog Polly, as it was a cross between a Poodle and a Collie.
I replied, "Good job it isn't a cross between a Shih Tzu and a Corgi!"

Tzugi?

 

[Coldeanseagull]

Had to have blood drawn down the doctors last week. Nurse called my name and said
"you're here for a blood test"?
I replied I'd been up all night studying....she looked blankly at me

 

[Lord Charles]

It's really bugging me, what was the name of that Austrian F1 driver who won loads of grand prix in the seventies.... Niki something?

 

[tomfitzz]

Was painting at work a couple years back and a colleague at the time (ex pilot) said he'd love to have a go at decorating.

Told him he'd be crap at doing the walls but brilliant on the landing

 

[Brovion]

It's really bugging me, what was the name of that Austrian F1 driver who won loads of grand prix in the seventies.... Niki something?

*Sets him up*

Lauda?

 

[Lord Charles]

*Sets him up*

Lauda?

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT AUSTRIAN F1 DRIVER WHO WON LOADS OF GRAND PRIX IN THE SEVENTIES?

 

[Ⓩ-Ⓐ-Ⓜ-Ⓞ-Ⓡ-Ⓐ]

Tzugi?

A sh¡t orgy

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

At the bus stop in London Road last week, a grey haired old man asked me in a frail voice: 'Excuse me sir, is it Summer yet?'. Poor old man I thought. 'Sorry mate, you've missed it, it's November' says I. He looked crestfallen. 'Oh I'll just have to wait til next Summer then' he said sadly. 'Why? What for?' I asked. 'A bleedin bus' he said. The whole queue, who had been listening in, fell about laughing

Read this three times and still don't get it

 

[Brovion]

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT AUSTRIAN F1 DRIVER WHO WON LOADS OF GRAND PRIX IN THE SEVENTIES?

Boom -Tish!

(Or I could say "No need to shout, I heard you the first time, it was Nikki Lauda!")

 

[robinsonsgrin]

My fav that had me in hysterics for about 20 mins... I dropped my water bottle on the floor.. "oops, I can't hold my drink...".... had to be there - or not as it was in my bedroom...

 

[5Ways Gull]

I was pleased with this;
A mate of mine was explaining to me and a small group of friends that he named his dog Polly, as it was a cross between a Poodle and a Collie.
I replied, "Good job it isn't a cross between a Shih Tzu and a Corgi!"

Good job it wasn't a cross between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu

 

[Jack Straw]

Good job it wasn't a cross between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu

You're having me on?!