Barrel of Fun
Abort, retry, fail
SW17 said:
A very sensible outlook, but I have always thought that one should kick up a fuss with the rough and enojy the smooth.
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Worst Report We’ve Ever Seen (Amy Lawrence’s 652 Word School Essay From West Ham)
- Thread starter Tom Hark Preston Park
- Start date
A very sensible outlook, but I have always thought that one should kick up a fuss with the rough and enojy the smooth.
Publius Ovidius
Well-known member
Barrel of Fun said:
gareth barry?
When did he ever play for the first team, or reserves?
Barrel of Fun
Abort, retry, fail
Dave the Gaffer said:gareth barry?
When did he ever play for the first team, or reserves?
Where did I say anything about him playing for us? If he had not been bought and we had been able to offer him a decent contract then he may well have played for us. I merely stated that his 'sale' enabled us to survive.
Statto
007
SW17 said:
Yes but on the other side of the coin I have also read a couple of her articles about our ground situation. It strikes me that she is very anti falmer. She even mentioned A pro sheepcoat reference in one of them.
As a loyal observer and gurdian reader I was astionished by her latest shambles.This reminds me of the response of a few angry South Korean's when I predicted them to come bottom of their world cup group on a football site I used to write for.
One of the more amusing replies included "f***ing sam cullen is a f***ing moron, why doesn't he know what he is predicting?"
Surely isn't that the point of a prediction?
One of the more amusing replies included "f***ing sam cullen is a f***ing moron, why doesn't he know what he is predicting?"
Surely isn't that the point of a prediction?
I did email and this was her reply. I thought it was worth repeating in full as she has a soft spot for us and knows Dick Knight.
Dear Moya,
Thanks for your email. Either you are not the only one counting word
lengths in the Observer, or there is something going around Brighton fans.
I, too, had to do some counting after not only receiving some emails but
also having a laugh about it with Dick Knight.
Firstly, the report I sent to the Observer was cut, and the subs
scandalously cut the first mention I made of Brighton after 495 words. So
it all looked worse than it was.
Secondly, I thought I would send you my initial report, what is called the
'runner', ie. running copy because you send a chunk at half time and the
intro and ending on the final whistle. As you can see, a Brighton player
made it into the intro, and the club's efforts noted in the second
paragraph. Post match, and after a press conference, we get the chance to
rewrite, which is what you saw in the paper. Here is the runner:
'There are times when Carlos Tevez must wonder where he is and how on earth
his life got to this particular place. Six months ago he was part of an
eyecatching Argentina team at the World Cup finals. Now here he is in a
relentless downpour in East London being shackled by the 37 years and many
kilograms of Guy Butters.
The FA Cup must take some explaining to the likes of Tevez. For 45 minutes
it was the leveller of legend as West Ham were dismal against a Brighton
side big on heart but short on quality.
Then, against all expectation we were served a dash of romance. Mark Noble
grew up round the corner from Upton Park and used to walk to the ground
from his parents house with his boots in a brown paper bag. With his first
senior goal for West Ham he singlehandedly transformed the atmosphere from
depression to celebration.
A West Ham team that has suffered some body blows this season duly
discovered some of the sparkle they have found so elusive this season.
Tevez, sensing the release, began to showboat a bit. Yossi Benayoun awoke
from his slumber.
The FA Cup having symbolised everything that was good about West Ham United
last season, might just kick start them once again.
It spoke volumes for the assorted problems that have afflicted West Ham
this season that they started only three players from their FA Cup final
team of last May.
It was less surprising that Alan Curbishley rejigged his team considerably
after their last outing. That 0-6 beating at Reading had, he said, left
everyone at the club 'hurting'. Six changes included a debut for Luis Boa
Morte, and the ommision, most notably of all, of Nigel Reo-Coker. The
captain had missed only one game this season - and that through suspension
- so it was difficult to avoid the concusion the club did not want him cup
tied to jeopardise a move. There was no place either for Paul Konchesky,
Marlon Harewood and Matthew Etherington.
But if West Ham think they have it bad, a meeting with a club 41 places
below them in English football's order or merit offered a little
perspective. Brighton and Hove Albion have no home of their own, turned up
with a squad largely made up of youth team graduates, and can boast that
their most expensive player, goalkeeper Wayne Henderson, cost £35,000. When
Tommy Fraser, the grandson of Mad Frankie, went off to change shirts after
a gash, he came back with one without a number. The club can ill afford to
carry spares.
Five thousand Seagulls filled their allocation and were in good voice,
which was just as well considering the mood permeating Upton Park. The
flatness, the dimmed confidence, coursing through the West Ham team was
tangible. It was a struggle to lift themselves against even limited
opponents. Brighton were not at full strength themselves.
The visitors carved the first chance, as Alexandre Frutos accellerated into
the danger zone and scooped a cross shot onto the roof of the net.
But West Ham struggled to rouse much invention and drive in response during
a subdued first half. Carlos Tevez produced a rare moment with a dribble
and fierce shot which was diverted away by a Brighton defence that has been
vulnerable of late. Boa Morte took a theatrical tumble in the penalty box
under pressure from Brighton debutant Joe O'Cearuill, but referee Mark
Halsey took no notice whatsoever. When Carlton Cole steered a header over
the crossbar, nobody seemed particaularly surprised.
Looking on the bright side after the Reading debacle, at least West Ham
were still in it by half time.
They desperately needed somebody to step up and take some initiative. But
where would the inspiration come from? It was a local teenager. When Boa
Morte's cross was helped on by Guy Butters to Tevez, the Argentinian teed
up Mark Noble with a neat, cushioned header. At last a cheer for the
Hammers as one of their own drove the ball past Henderson and into the
corner of the net.
Alex Revell came close to an equaliser but couldn't make a clean connection
on a free header. West Ham duly doubled their lead when Cole volleyed in
another decent delivery from Boa Morte from close range.
Revell's shot on the turn prompted a decent save from Roy Carroll as
Brighton attacked with far more conviction in the closing stages.
Nothing to overly trouble West Ham, though, and Hayden Mullins's glancing
header provided some gloss in stoppage time.
Ends.'
Ok, so this is what happened. After the game Curbishley threw his wobbly
and I called my editor to inform him. Sometimes there is space for a
seperate news item on such matters but I was told there was no room and to
kick off my rewrite with it as the game itself was not fabulous.
It is a difficult balancing act to cover two teams equally, especially if
one contributes more to the day's story than the other. On another point,
we try to make Sunday reports more thought provoking than a straight relay
of events in this television age when most people see the goals, and
perhaps some analysis, by morning anyway.
Unfortunately, you can't please everyone in a few hundred words.
Believe me, I wish I had a Brighton story to bang on about from that day.
Not only would I have liked a shock to report on, I also have a soft spot
for the Seagulls goes back to the last days of the Goldstone (RIP). And I
would not have had to answer to Dick asking me how I could possibly write
about Brighton without mentioning the fight for Falmer!
Yours in sport,
Amy
Dear Moya,
Thanks for your email. Either you are not the only one counting word
lengths in the Observer, or there is something going around Brighton fans.
I, too, had to do some counting after not only receiving some emails but
also having a laugh about it with Dick Knight.
Firstly, the report I sent to the Observer was cut, and the subs
scandalously cut the first mention I made of Brighton after 495 words. So
it all looked worse than it was.
Secondly, I thought I would send you my initial report, what is called the
'runner', ie. running copy because you send a chunk at half time and the
intro and ending on the final whistle. As you can see, a Brighton player
made it into the intro, and the club's efforts noted in the second
paragraph. Post match, and after a press conference, we get the chance to
rewrite, which is what you saw in the paper. Here is the runner:
'There are times when Carlos Tevez must wonder where he is and how on earth
his life got to this particular place. Six months ago he was part of an
eyecatching Argentina team at the World Cup finals. Now here he is in a
relentless downpour in East London being shackled by the 37 years and many
kilograms of Guy Butters.
The FA Cup must take some explaining to the likes of Tevez. For 45 minutes
it was the leveller of legend as West Ham were dismal against a Brighton
side big on heart but short on quality.
Then, against all expectation we were served a dash of romance. Mark Noble
grew up round the corner from Upton Park and used to walk to the ground
from his parents house with his boots in a brown paper bag. With his first
senior goal for West Ham he singlehandedly transformed the atmosphere from
depression to celebration.
A West Ham team that has suffered some body blows this season duly
discovered some of the sparkle they have found so elusive this season.
Tevez, sensing the release, began to showboat a bit. Yossi Benayoun awoke
from his slumber.
The FA Cup having symbolised everything that was good about West Ham United
last season, might just kick start them once again.
It spoke volumes for the assorted problems that have afflicted West Ham
this season that they started only three players from their FA Cup final
team of last May.
It was less surprising that Alan Curbishley rejigged his team considerably
after their last outing. That 0-6 beating at Reading had, he said, left
everyone at the club 'hurting'. Six changes included a debut for Luis Boa
Morte, and the ommision, most notably of all, of Nigel Reo-Coker. The
captain had missed only one game this season - and that through suspension
- so it was difficult to avoid the concusion the club did not want him cup
tied to jeopardise a move. There was no place either for Paul Konchesky,
Marlon Harewood and Matthew Etherington.
But if West Ham think they have it bad, a meeting with a club 41 places
below them in English football's order or merit offered a little
perspective. Brighton and Hove Albion have no home of their own, turned up
with a squad largely made up of youth team graduates, and can boast that
their most expensive player, goalkeeper Wayne Henderson, cost £35,000. When
Tommy Fraser, the grandson of Mad Frankie, went off to change shirts after
a gash, he came back with one without a number. The club can ill afford to
carry spares.
Five thousand Seagulls filled their allocation and were in good voice,
which was just as well considering the mood permeating Upton Park. The
flatness, the dimmed confidence, coursing through the West Ham team was
tangible. It was a struggle to lift themselves against even limited
opponents. Brighton were not at full strength themselves.
The visitors carved the first chance, as Alexandre Frutos accellerated into
the danger zone and scooped a cross shot onto the roof of the net.
But West Ham struggled to rouse much invention and drive in response during
a subdued first half. Carlos Tevez produced a rare moment with a dribble
and fierce shot which was diverted away by a Brighton defence that has been
vulnerable of late. Boa Morte took a theatrical tumble in the penalty box
under pressure from Brighton debutant Joe O'Cearuill, but referee Mark
Halsey took no notice whatsoever. When Carlton Cole steered a header over
the crossbar, nobody seemed particaularly surprised.
Looking on the bright side after the Reading debacle, at least West Ham
were still in it by half time.
They desperately needed somebody to step up and take some initiative. But
where would the inspiration come from? It was a local teenager. When Boa
Morte's cross was helped on by Guy Butters to Tevez, the Argentinian teed
up Mark Noble with a neat, cushioned header. At last a cheer for the
Hammers as one of their own drove the ball past Henderson and into the
corner of the net.
Alex Revell came close to an equaliser but couldn't make a clean connection
on a free header. West Ham duly doubled their lead when Cole volleyed in
another decent delivery from Boa Morte from close range.
Revell's shot on the turn prompted a decent save from Roy Carroll as
Brighton attacked with far more conviction in the closing stages.
Nothing to overly trouble West Ham, though, and Hayden Mullins's glancing
header provided some gloss in stoppage time.
Ends.'
Ok, so this is what happened. After the game Curbishley threw his wobbly
and I called my editor to inform him. Sometimes there is space for a
seperate news item on such matters but I was told there was no room and to
kick off my rewrite with it as the game itself was not fabulous.
It is a difficult balancing act to cover two teams equally, especially if
one contributes more to the day's story than the other. On another point,
we try to make Sunday reports more thought provoking than a straight relay
of events in this television age when most people see the goals, and
perhaps some analysis, by morning anyway.
Unfortunately, you can't please everyone in a few hundred words.
Believe me, I wish I had a Brighton story to bang on about from that day.
Not only would I have liked a shock to report on, I also have a soft spot
for the Seagulls goes back to the last days of the Goldstone (RIP). And I
would not have had to answer to Dick asking me how I could possibly write
about Brighton without mentioning the fight for Falmer!
Yours in sport,
Amy
Dandyman
In London village.
Yorkie said:
Seems fair enough to me.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,885
- Thread starter
- #49
1-0 to Fan Power 
Amy's been mightily embarrased by all this. Big ructions in the sports department for sure. As predicted, the sub-editor gets the blame for erasing each and every reference to BHAFC
Amy's been mightily embarrased by all this. Big ructions in the sports department for sure. As predicted, the sub-editor gets the blame for erasing each and every reference to BHAFC
- Jul 7, 2003
- 47,499
Fair play to her, and an excellent reply.
I love the Observer, it is, as BoF says, the king of Sunday papers.
Especially when the Observer Sport Monthly magazine is included
I love the Observer, it is, as BoF says, the king of Sunday papers.
Especially when the Observer Sport Monthly magazine is included
Albion Rob
New member
Tom Hark said:1-0 to Fan Power
Amy's been mightily embarrased by all this. Big ructions in the sports department for sure. As predicted, the sub-editor gets the blame for erasing each and every reference to BHAFC
I'm not looking to pick a fight here but I thought it made us look a bit petulant and ill informed.
Pavilionaire
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 31,093
The sub-editor's head should roll. Basic error - every football match has 2 sides out on the pitch.
Wozza
Shite Supporter
I might start a campaign to get people to write to Amy apologising for the pathetic complaints from our non Observer-reading, anorak-wearing, fans who embarrass our club. 
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,885
- Thread starter
- #56
Wozza said:I might start a campaign to get people to write to Amy apologising for the pathetic complaints from our non Observer-reading, anorak-wearing, fans who embarrass our club.
Yes indeed. Please do. Because a newspaper not giving a single mention to the Albion in a 652 word Albion match report is obviously A Good Thing. Perhaps Andy Naylor and the Sports Argus sub-editors could try to follow this exciting new trend in this week's paper :thud:
Wozza
Shite Supporter
Tom Hark said:
Poor effort.
Cadiz Seagull
Grey bearded old man
Just goes to show not everything is as it first seems. There are ALWAYS two sides (at least) to every argument.
One or two on here would do well to remember that!
One or two on here would do well to remember that!
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,885
- Thread starter
- #60
Wozza said:
Pathetic.