Simple tasks that SHOULD be EASY, but are really Difficult

[Titanic]

League One professional footballers taking a decent corner, apparently.

 

[crasher]

Well as some of you know I'm a part-time musician. Last summer I did this afternoon gig in a marquee on a farm; we were just packing up and I was waiting with the instruments for the transport to turn up. One of the instruments was a banjo, and in the field next to us were a herd of cows. "Well," I wondered to myself, "How difficult is it, I mean how diifficult is it really ... to hit a cow's arse with a banjo?"

So in the interests of science I got the banjo out of its case, climbed over the fence and approached a cow. The first one ran away, (ok, wandered away) as I approached, so thinking I was scaring them I stood still for a bit and then I walked very slowly up to another one that has its arse pointing at me. Grabbing the banjo firmly by the neck I swung it towards the bovine posterior.

I'm not sure what happened next. I think the cow must have sensed me because it stepped forward. Also I was a bit scared as I thought it might kick me or turn round and head-butt me so I wasn't 100% committed to the swing. Anyway ... I missed and just sort of brushed its tail. Not wanting to try again i retreated.

So, hitting a cow's arse with a banjo. Not as easy as it sounds.

PS - It wasn't my banjo.

Don't feel too bad. I hear Luca Toni is still in the same field, swishing away.

 

[scooter1]

League One professional footballers taking a decent corner, apparently.

Thats a bit harsh.
Its not just League 1 players that suffer this henious affliction - have you seen some of the set peices(inc many corners) taken at Euro 2008 - they're bloody awful. And these are supposed to be some of the best players in Europe

 

[Brovion]

I hope thats a true story - f***ing hilarious. Does the owner of said banjo know what you had planned for his (probably) beloved instrument?

100% true, I have witnesses - one of them being the owner of the banjo!. We were discussing it and I said wouldn't it be a laugh if someone tried to hit a cow's arse with your banjo, thinking he'd say "Don't you dare!". However he said "Go on then" so I had to go through with it but my heart wasn't really in it; which is why I wasn't fully committed to the blow.

In our defence we HAD been drinking.

 

[Bluejuice]

Building a f***ing stadium in the Brighton & Hove conurbation

 

[eastlondonseagull]

wanking whilst on anti-depressants.

Nah, they make it better

.

 

[surrey jim]

Building a f***ing stadium in the Brighton & Hove conurbation

beat me to it

 

[Bluejuice]

Nah, they make it better

.

They make it f***ing impossible

 

[Withdean Wanderer]

The crossword in the Argus.

 

[Bars Mar]

Buying a ticket to watch the....oh

Losing Weight (In Your Case) You Tediously Boring Fat Tosser.

 

[Braders]

Suduko Puzzles anytime before 11 in the morning!

 

[John Bumlick]

They make it f***ing impossible

guess it depends which type you are on but, yeah, that was my experience. SSRIs are a total bitch in that respect.

of course, if you have a caring, loving girlfriend who's prepared to get really filthy to help you out a bit, it's not all bad. but, generally speaking, pounding one's semi-flaccid meat for hours on end is not the most heart warming of experiences.

 

[Les Biehn]

Cracking one off while trying to stick your finger up your own arse.

 

[John Bumlick]

Cracking one off while trying to stick your finger up your own arse.

eh? that's a piece of piss.

 

[The Large One]

eh? that's a piece of piss.

Trying to break off a piece of piss while sticking a f***ing up your own arse.

 

[Soton Seagull]

Duvet covers - never quite cracked the methodology of getting them on quickly and evenly.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Glen Murray staying onside

Putting a fresh duvet cover on when you're tripping

 

[Withdean Wanderer]

Losing Weight (In Your Case) You Tediously Boring Fat Tosser.

Do you even know what I look like?

 

[Stoichkov]

Anything at your local post office

 

[John Bumlick]

Trying to break off a piece of piss while sticking a f***ing up your own arse.

hmm, yeah. what?