Short joke thread

[Seagull1967]

What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

 

[Seagull1967]

How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hands in its pockets and tickle its balls

 

[Dorset Seagull]

Knock Knock
Who's there
Lump up

 

[fire&skill]

What's grey and sits at the end of the bed taking the piss out of you?



A kidney dialysis machine.

 

[the wanderbus]

Why shouldnt you wear Russian underpants?

Chernobyl fall out

 

[Titanic]

What's a Greek urn?

About 3 drachmas a week.

 

[Titanic]

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three... a right ear, a left ear, and a final frontier.

 

[The Sock of Poskett]

Feng shui burglars broke into my flat and rearranged my furniture.

I have a paranoid retriever. He gets everything because he's not sure what you threw.

 

[mistahclarke]

two monkeys get in the bath and one says "oooooohh ooooooohh ooooohhh, aaahhhh aaahhh"

The says "yeah it is a bit too hot"

 

[Spun Cuppa]

Two gay cowboys in bed...

'Y'up?'

'Yip'

 

[mistahclarke]

what's the difference between "ooooh" and "aaaaah"?

about 6 inches

 

[bomber130]

Patient to Doctor
Doctor one day I think Im a tent and the next I think Im a wig wam
Doctor replies Your two tense

 

[Stevie Boy]

What has Dodi Fayed and Kate Middleton got in common??

They have both had their finger in Diana's ring!

 

[Stevie Boy]

man & wife out shopping togther, wife sees a pair of shoes she likes, man says NO WAY, they are way too expensive, later that night he lays his hand on his wifes pussy she says 'i dont fuckin think so mate, if you can afford to shoe the horse then u aint fuckin riding it'

 

[Stevie Boy]

as a family we are trying to keep up with technology, so i brought my son an Ipod, my daughter an Iphone and myself an Ipad, i felt sorry for the wife so i brought her an Iron and thats when it all fuckin kicked off, what an ugrateful bitch.

 

[Stevie Boy]

whats the simularity between George Michael and a pair of wellington boots?


They both get sucked off in bogs

 

[Stevie Boy]

The BBC have announced a new character for top gear, A mysterious hooded black man will go round stealing fast cars, know only as The Nig

 

[Stevie Boy]

Quote of the day is oral sex can make your day, but anal sex can make your hole weak

 

[Stevie Boy]

Just put out my St Georges flag 4 the world cup but wasnt sure if it would offend any muslins, soo to be certain i wrote allah is a **** on it

 

[nomoremithras4me]

I said to a bloke in the pub, 'have you ever heard the saying threes a crowd'?. He said 'of course i have, im a Palarse fan'