Short joke thread

[Seagull1967]

Whats green and turns red at the flick of a switch?

Kermit in a liquidiser!!

 

[pasty]

Oh go on then....

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermits finger

 

[Johnny Crumplin Football]

How do you know an elephant is sleeping in your bed?

It has E on its pyjama pocket

 

[Matrix10]

What’s black, lives in trees and is highly dangerous.




A crow with a Kalashnikov

 

[pasty]

What has green fur, six legs, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you

A snooker table

 

[Johnny Crumplin Football]

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Amos

Amos who?

A mosquito

 

[Matrix10]

What’s Green and always points North?



A magnetic Cucumber

 

[keaton]

What's the best thing about sh*gg*ng twenty nine year old girls?






There's twenty of them!

If you'd have posted that on the other thread people would be demanding you be chemically castrated

 

[Seagull27]

Did you hear about the magical tractor? It turned into a field.

 

[Seagull27]

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist? He got the sack.

He said the pay wasn't great, but at least he got to keep the tips.

 

[Simster]

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

 

[Titanic]

The cost of living has increased.

Nevertheless, it remains popular.

 

[Simster]

Dentist: 'Say Aaah.'
Patient: 'Why?'
Dentist: 'My dog's died."

 

[terry1]

A girl phoned me
the other day and said ...
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

 

[Fergus96]

What do you call a man with no ankles?






Tony

 

[Titanic]

I have decided to write all my jokes in capitals from now on.

This one was written in London.

 

[terry1]

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

What sort of Monkeys are into rock music?
























Kerrrangutans.

 

[terry1]

Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!

 

[Manx Shearwater]

What's red and invisible?







No tomatoes.