Personal question for those of you not stuck on the shelf...

[Hiney]

Seems we have quite a lot in common Ian!!!

It's more scary than that mate!!!

Your first game v Torquay in 1966

My first game v Torquay 1968

 

[On the Left Wing]

It's more scary than that mate!!!

Your first game v Torquay in 1966

My first game v Torquay 1968

Feckin hell .... now my dear old Dad did play away a bit in his younger days .... wonder if he knows your mum!!!?

And guess what, just realised I got the year wrong ... it was Torquay 1967!!!!! Must change my profile ...

 

[Simster]

Met mine in the pub in Surbiton just under the office where I worked. She was temping at the time and I found out she fancied me so I made sure I was in the pub one Friday evening. Actually, I was in there most evenings so it wasn't a big effort.

I then ditched my girlfriend, she dumped her boyfriend and now we're happily married with two kids. My wife is cool.

 

[tedebear]

happily married thank you - no details necessary!!

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

In a wine bar ... I was $hitfaced and she didn't have her contact lenses in ...... next day all I could remember was that she had lovely blue eyes .. all she could remembered was that I had a big nose ...... 15 years and two kiddies later were still as happy as ever .... I still have a big nose.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Was giving a seminar and my wife was the local sales rep. She had dressed up a hat stand as a policeman as a prop for the seminar. So after the seminar I said, pointing at the policeman 'So is he taking you out tonight?' and she replied 'No. I'm single' and that was that. Pestered her for the next twenty-four hours before I left and then two weeks later (she was in Turkey, I was back in the UK) I phoned her up and said 'I've just found a cheap ticket to Turkey for a week. Shall I come?' and she said 'Yes'. It's been heaven ever since!

 

[Woodingdean Gull]

I was strapped to the ceiling of my local S&M torture chamber one night, and someone was tightening the studded leather straps around my wrists. My gimp mask prevented me from seeing who it was, but amongst the suffocating odours of sweat and semen, there was a devine smell of perfume in the air, which only served to heighten my arousal. I had a golf ball in my mouth though, so communication was difficult. I managed to muffle out the words "mmmffwha aah yoo dddoooinggff aaafffta ?"

Once she removed my mask I knew she was the girl for me, and ten years on we're still together. Its Friday again, so tonight I will be blindfolded and tethered to the rotary washing line in the garden, while she puts pegs on my scrotum. I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is brilliant and had me laughing out loud in the office - getting some very odd looks.

When working and living away from Brighton for a short period, I was ringing home when my youngest brother asked if I remembered a certain young lady who was a local ex-beauty queen. I asked him why and was told that she had been asking after me. I managed to get hold of her home 'phone number, rang her up out of the blue and arranged to pick her up in a taxi the next Saturday I was at home.

It was pissing down that Saturday, so I got the cabbie to get out and ring her door bell. We got on famously, were married 20 months later, and now, after nearly 25 years of marriage, have one son aged 23 and two lovely daughters aged 22 and 13. (Dave the Gaffer can bear testimony to my claims about the two girls).

 

[The Large One]

I'm just waiting for Lord Bracknell and Roz to come up with completely conflicting stories...

 

[Hiney]

Was giving a SEMENar and my wife was the local sales rep.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Oh you kill me Hiney!!!!! Certainly my wife'd kill me if she saw that!!

 

[B.M.F]

I would not have met my current Girl if it was not for NSC. not saying anymore than that. Sure DBS will though

 

[(was)DBS]

No comment your a mate

 

[Man of Harveys]

Aaah, the Our Tune of threads...

A girl at work said she and a few others were heading up to watch the tennis at Wimbledon in the evening when you can get on to the show courts. I invited myself to tag along. We had to wait around to meet up with another mate of hers who seemed very cool and looked delicious (long summer dresses have always done my head in), I went for a drink with her at Clapham Junction afterwards, got her number. Met up in London, I kept her chatting until after the last train had gone back to Brighton so I had to kip on her floor. Ended up not kipping on her floor...and three years later, we're moving into our new place together in Brighton on Wednesday.

And Simon, we'd like to hear "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

*wipes tear*

 

[The Large One]

And Simon, we'd like to hear "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen.

But that's a wrist-slasher.

Anyway, Our Tune is usually devoted to stories when they met, and then they discover that he has terminal halitosis, and she was adopted by herd of Angoran goats. But they got on, and everything was OK for a couple of years. They laughed, they went out, they made new friends.

And then one day it hit home. There was a 'Dear John' letter on the table when he got home. The goats had come looking for their long lost foster daughter. What he didn't know was that a few years previously she had run away from them after they had been planning to offer her as a sacrificial traffic warden to their god.

The news that she was once a traffic warden was too much for our man. He was devastated. He took out all his Rupert Bear books and ate them one by one to cock a snoop at these nasty goats. They aren't the only ones who can play with people's lives, he thought to himself.

Life became unbearable. He stopped laughing, he stopped going out, he lost his friends - and became ill when he soon realised all too late that his digestive system couldn't cope with eating classic children's literature. He considered finishing it all by - wait for it - marrying a traffic warden and killing them both in a nasty spiteful treacle implosion incident in Saffron Walden.

But good news. She returned home, completely unexpected. She just needed time to think she said. In the meanwhile she had taken to eating seagulls shit and drinking pure cabbage water in order to - yes - get her halitosis to match his. It was what she had wanted all along. Her bad breath to match his. It was a partnership made in heaven.

Yes, Dwayne and FG are now living happy ever after in a guinea pig hutch permanently - but safely - locked inside an episode of Dempsey & Makepeace.

NOW you can play 'All By Myself' by Eric Carmen.

 

[alan partridge]

I started reading this thread with trepidation but its restored my faith in this race we call, er, human.

great stuff.

I met my wife at a party. Not so exciting, but I really wasn't looking and neither was she as she was off to Australia, a month or so later. A bit of fun we thought...she stayed...but not being British she had to go home after a while...I followed, on the understanding we could go where I wanted a year later. Which we did, but not after we had got hitched. Life is weird.

One cool thing we have...a photo of the very first moment we met. Literally 5 minutes after we had said hello to each other for the first time.

*Sobs and blows nose into hanky*


oh and, do real people use chat up lines?

 

[sams dad]

But that's a wrist-slasher.

Anyway, Our Tune is usually devoted to stories when they met, and then they discover that he has terminal halitosis, and she was adopted by herd of Angoran goats. But they got on, and everything was OK for a couple of years. They laughed, they went out, they made new friends.

And then one day it hit home. There was a 'Dear John' letter on the table when he got home. The goats had come looking for their long lost foster daughter. What he didn't know was that a few years previously she had run away from them after they had been planning to offer her as a sacrificial traffic warden to their god.

The news that she was once a traffic warden was too much for our man. He was devastated. He took out all his Rupert Bear books and ate them one by one to cock a snoop at these nasty goats. They aren't the only ones who can play with people's lives, he thought to himself.

Life became unbearable. He stopped laughing, he stopped going out, he lost his friends - and became ill when he soon realised all too late that his digestive system couldn't cope with eating classic children's literature. He considered finishing it all by - wait for it - marrying a traffic warden and killing them both in a nasty spiteful treacle implosion incident in Saffron Walden.

But good news. She returned home, completely unexpected. She just needed time to think she said. In the meanwhile she had taken to eating seagulls shit and drinking pure cabbage water in order to - yes - get her halitosis to match his. It was what she had wanted all along. Her bad breath to match his. It was a partnership made in heaven.

Yes, Dwayne and FG are now living happy ever after in a guinea pig hutch permanently - but safely - locked inside an episode of Dempsey & Makepeace.

NOW you can play 'All By Myself' by Eric Carmen.

Easy 10 has got some competition .Great stuff TLO

 

[Lush]

happily married thank you - no details necessary!!

Oh go on. I'm sure there are lots of people who don't KNOW.

 

[timco]

i'm not on the shelf I am in the second hand shop!

I have anti lines just in case anyone fancies their chances like.

If all women are not derranged then just the ones attracted to me are, either way I am onto a loser!

 

[the full harris]

oh and, do real people use chat up lines?

I was going to ask that!