Jesus

[CHAPPERS]

You know how they say that Jesus died for all our sins yeah? How does that work coz I wasn't born 2000 years ago so can't have sinned yet.

And does the cross on hot cross buns represent Christ?

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Hot cross buns were used as a weapon in Tudor times when English soldiers would hand them to enemy soldiers as a peace offering. Once accepted, Henry VIII's spy satellite (few know that he was the first man to invent such a thing) would be able to lock on to the cross on top of the bun, and fire a salvo of homing arrows down from the heavens, killing the enemies instantly.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Hot cross buns were used as a weapon in Tudor times when English soldiers would hand them to enemy soldiers as a peace offering. Once accepted, Henry VIII's spy satellite (few know that he was the first man to invent such a thing) would be able to lock on to the cross on top of the bun, and fire a salvo of homing arrows down from the heavens, killing the enemies instantly.

Wow!

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Thats why, when you eat a Hot Cross Bun and don't get shot by a arrow from the sky, you smile and remember the old days...

 

[Lokki 7]

All this festive talk of crosses reminds me of the Bill Hicks stand up on the subject. If Jesus came back to walk amongst us, whats the last thing he'll want to be reminded of?
A christian wearing a cross is like someone wearing a silver rifle pendant around their neck in memory of JFK.

 

[Hannibal smith]

I think Jesus is ACE. We get Good Friday, Easter Monday, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off because of him. AND he could turn water into Wine.

Now that would pull the birds even now.

 

[REDLAND]

 

[caz99]

 

[The Wookiee]

Dont beleive a word of this Jesus died for us and all that nonsense.

He's not even dead, I saw him on Holby City yesterday!

 

[London Calling]

"Hot cross buns were used as a weapon in Tudor times when English soldiers would hand them to enemy soldiers as a peace offering. Once accepted, Henry VIII's spy satellite (few know that he was the first man to invent such a thing) would be able to lock on to the cross on top of the bun, and fire a salvo of homing arrows down from the heavens, killing the enemies instantly."




And actually who were his enemies.

As far as I am aware most of his rucks involved the abolition of the monastries etc. Which seems ironic, giving Monks and Friars a cake with Jesus' cross and then shooting them with arrows from "God". So perverse! So Tudor!

LC

 

[Uncle C]

For a moment there I thought we'd signed him

 

[Gazwag]

And does the cross on hot cross buns represent Christ?

FFS

Schools across Britain have been ordered by local authorities to abandon the ancient tradition of serving hot cross buns at Easter so as not to offend children of non-Christian faiths.

Some councils are refusing to hand out the traditional treats because they fear that the symbol of the cross will spark complaints from Jewish, Hindu and Muslim pupils or their families.

Officials in the London borough of Tower Hamlets decided to remove the buns from menus this year after criticism over its decision to serve pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. A spokesman for the Labour-run council claimed that there had been "a lot" of complaints but did not have a figure.




Will Christmas be next

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

I think you'll find it is health and safety.

they are concerned about Henry VIII's arrows apparently.

 

[Tommy Cook reporting]

On the subject of the mighty Bill Hicks - well Lokki 7, was. He had an equally amusing routine about Easter eggs, asking exactly where in the bible did it mention either chocolate eggs, or Easter Bunnies, as we celebrate the miracle of Jesus's resurrection by scoffing loads of them - eggs, that is, not bunnies. Very, very funny man. And alas, very, very dead too. Bill Hicks that is, not Jesus. Cos he wasn't renowned for his jokes.

 

[Meade's Ball]

I actually applied to be Jesus a few years ago. I got down to the last 3, but i had a little contretemp with St Peter (he's always had it in for me) about modernising the role. I was sick of the whole beard, crucifix, sandals business. I wanted to drive a brightly-coloured bus and shout "Don't be a sinner, be a winner." at anybody who takes my name in vain. I was also thinking about a catapult.
Peter, on his special chair, frowned throughout the interview and called me "professionally unforgiving". I'm gonna do that c*nt if i ever see his huge, ghostly face again.

 

[Braders]

and not a bad football player by the looks of things

 

[Gazwag]

But he's playing against girls

 

[Gazwag]

I always remember when I was a kid seeing a banner at a Liverpool match

Jesus saves but Keegan scores from the rebound

I thought the goalkeeper was called Jesus at first until it was explained to me

 

[jonogulls]

I actually applied to be Jesus a few years ago. I got down to the last 3, but i had a little contretemp with St Peter (he's always had it in for me) about modernising the role. I was sick of the whole beard, crucifix, sandals business. I wanted to drive a brightly-coloured bus and shout "Don't be a sinner, be a winner." at anybody who takes my name in vain. I was also thinking about a catapult.
Peter, on his special chair, frowned throughout the interview and called me "professionally unforgiving". I'm gonna do that c*nt if i ever see his huge, ghostly face again.

Brilliant.

 

[Lokki 7]

"Don't be a sinner, be a winner."

That scouse bloke at Oxford Circus REALLY gets on my tits. He has to be the worst advert for Christianity in the world.