Jesus

[Brighton Breezy]

I think Jesus is to blame for today's social problems.

Before he visited Earth everyone thought THEY would suffer for their own sins so generally behaved.

Then Jesus came down and died for everyone's sins and ever since people have failed to take responsibility for their own actions.

 

[tedebear]

I think Jesus is to blame for today's social problems.

Before he visited Earth everyone thought THEY would suffer for their own sins so generally behaved.

Then Jesus came down and died for everyone's sins and ever since people have failed to take responsibility for their own actions.

so thats your excuse...

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

so thats your excuse...

Touche!(possibly. I'm not so good at french...)

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

I'm assuming most people on this thread don't believe in big J...

But, just in
magine if it were true. Imagine he actually did die for our sins. How do you think he'd act when he finds out that no-one believes in him anymore and take the piss.
Do you reckon he'd get a strop on, and slouch around heaven really moodily that no-one was taking him seriously...
"Bastards! I DIED for you losers! On a ing CROSS! So you can go to HEAVEN! And all you do is take the piss out of my FASHION sense. It was 2000 bloody YEARS ago. Fashion was different in them days..."

Or, do you think he's up there pissing himself?
"LOSERS! Keep laughing your way to HELL you FUCKTARDS!"

Medes ball, if you'd been succesful in your job application, which option would you have gone for?

 

[Meade's Ball]

That scouse bloke at Oxford Circus REALLY gets on my tits. He has to be the worst advert for Christianity in the world.

A guy i know threw him up against the wall and told him he'd murder him if he ever uttered those words again.
It didn't work.

I also like: if you do the brown, you're going down.
Could apply to drug users AND buggery. Nice.

 

[Meade's Ball]

I'm assuming most people on this thread don't believe in big J...

But, just in
magine if it were true. Imagine he actually did die for our sins. How do you think he'd act when he finds out that no-one believes in him anymore and take the piss.
Do you reckon he'd get a strop on, and slouch around heaven really moodily that no-one was taking him seriously...
"Bastards! I DIED for you losers! On a ing CROSS! So you can go to HEAVEN! And all you do is take the piss out of my FASHION sense. It was 2000 bloody YEARS ago. Fashion was different in them days..."

Or, do you think he's up there pissing himself?
"LOSERS! Keep laughing your way to HELL you FUCKTARDS!"

Medes ball, if you'd been succesful in your job application, which option would you have gone for?

I would have been vengeful. Lots of smiting. I would have a special pair of smiting trousers (ones that would go nicely with my smiting scythe and my favourite gouging spoon).
Would it be wrong to throw lepers at non-believers?

 

[Tom Bombadil]

I think Jesus if he exists has probably given up on the salvation business and gone into catering. A nice fish restaurant perhaps. Or he could be in the wine trade.

 

[Tommy Cook reporting]

I don' think, Voroshilov, that Jesus would get a licence to sell alcohol, afterall he was a convicted of a crime and was sentenced to death as a result, so it must have been a pretty serious offence.

I suppose he could apply for a licence with a false name, but then it would only take one of the clerks in the licensing office to be religious and he be f*cked.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

L Ron Hubbard IS Jesus (although don't tell Yorkie). The Scientologists, not content with camping out giving stress tests in Churchill Square have now moved in on the train station Sunday market with their own stall, I did a double-take because one of the blokes behind the stall is a checkout dandy at ASDA Hollingbury. Surely working for ASDA is tantamount to ex-communication, even for Scientologists.

 

[Vlad the Impala]

You know how they say that Jesus died for all our sins yeah? How does that work coz I wasn't born 2000 years ago so can't have sinned yet.

Once upon a time there was a guy. He was smart and very kind. One day he went off for a walk but when he'd only gone a few miles he came across a deep ravine which blocked his way. Instead of turning around and looking for another way, he decided to build a bridge across the ravine. It took him a while but it was a good bridge, nice and strong and wide enough for anyone to cross. He crossed and continued on his journey, leaving the bridge behind for anyone else who wanted to follow him.

About 100 years later, another guy went out for a walk. His name was Chuppers. He was sad because he was lonely. Nobody else liked him because he had no respect for the things that were important to them. He hadn't amounted to much either - he was just the local windup merchant. So on this day he had decided to leave and go somewhere else. He too came across the deep ravine, but would you believe it, there was a bridge across it. It was a hundred years old but still looked strong and sturdy. "Wow," he said, "how did the guy who built this even know I would need a bridge today? I wasn't even born when this was built..."

 

[Percy Tantrums]

I'm assuming most people on this thread don't believe in big J...

But, just in
magine if it were true. Imagine he actually did die for our sins. How do you think he'd act when he finds out that no-one believes in him anymore and take the piss.
Do you reckon he'd get a strop on, and slouch around heaven really moodily that no-one was taking him seriously...
"Bastards! I DIED for you losers! On a ing CROSS! So you can go to HEAVEN! And all you do is take the piss out of my FASHION sense. It was 2000 bloody YEARS ago. Fashion was different in them days..."

Or, do you think he's up there pissing himself?
"LOSERS! Keep laughing your way to HELL you FUCKTARDS!"

You're right most people on this threat don't believe in Jesus Christ, as don't most people in this country. But its not the same the world over, as faith in Jesus Christ is still very strong. However, the message of Good Friday is that whether we love God or not God still loves us. Jesus said on the cross "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do."

I accept that this makes no sense to many people, but it does to me. I believe that God loves you as much as me.

Sorry for the sermon, its a force of habit of mine.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Re: Re: Jesus

Once upon a time there was a guy. He was smart and very kind. One day he went off for a walk but when he'd only gone a few miles he came across a deep ravine which blocked his way. Instead of turning around and looking for another way, he decided to build a bridge across the ravine. It took him a while but it was a good bridge, nice and strong and wide enough for anyone to cross. He crossed and continued on his journey, leaving the bridge behind for anyone else who wanted to follow him.

About 100 years later, another guy went out for a walk. His name was Chuppers. He was sad because he was lonely. Nobody else liked him because he had no respect for the things that were important to them. He hadn't amounted to much either - he was just the local windup merchant. So on this day he had decided to leave and go somewhere else. He too came across the deep ravine, but would you believe it, there was a bridge across it. It was a hundred years old but still looked strong and sturdy. "Wow," he said, "how did the guy who built this even know I would need a bridge today? I wasn't even born when this was built..."

Chuppers sounds COOL.

 

[Gully]

I think you will find that the bloke you first described wasn't Jesus but a man called Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

Jesus was lucky to have lived 2000 years ago, if it had been today the Americans would probably have tried to bomb him, mind you their record isn't particularly good so he would probably have been unscathed and lived to a ripe old age.

 

[bhaexpress]

I think Jesus is ACE. We get Good Friday, Easter Monday, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off because of him. AND he could turn water into Wine.

Now that would pull the birds even now.

Actually you missed one. What we now call Spring Bank Holiday was 'Whit Monday' and it celebrtaed the beginning of Penticost (something like that anyway).

 

[The Wookiee]

Jesus was an Alien

 

[eastlondonseagull]

That scouse bloke at Oxford Circus REALLY gets on my tits. He has to be the worst advert for Christianity in the world.

I interviewed him a few months back on his new year predictions

Man, he went on and on

 

[bhaexpress]

Re: Re: Jesus

Once upon a time there was a guy. He was smart and very kind. One day he went off for a walk but when he'd only gone a few miles he came across a deep ravine which blocked his way. Instead of turning around and looking for another way, he decided to build a bridge across the ravine. It took him a while but it was a good bridge, nice and strong and wide enough for anyone to cross. He crossed and continued on his journey, leaving the bridge behind for anyone else who wanted to follow him.

About 100 years later, another guy went out for a walk. His name was Chuppers. He was sad because he was lonely. Nobody else liked him because he had no respect for the things that were important to them. He hadn't amounted to much either - he was just the local windup merchant. So on this day he had decided to leave and go somewhere else. He too came across the deep ravine, but would you believe it, there was a bridge across it. It was a hundred years old but still looked strong and sturdy. "Wow," he said, "how did the guy who built this even know I would need a bridge today? I wasn't even born when this was built..."

You obviously have your beliefs which is your choice but surely you can understand the views of those who cannot believe in something for which there is no tangable or physical proof. The say so of a book that was written (the newer bit) 2000 years ago and is supposed to contain all the answers stretches the credulity of any logical thinking person.

I don't see any point in getting het up about it but many do view 'believers' as rather deluled.

 

[Bluejuice]

Excuse my ignorance but I went to non-religious schools and have never read the bible. Why did the Romans kill God Junior anyway? What had he actually done? I'd always assumed blasphemy but being as the Romans have a completely different belief system (many gods, not one god) I don't see how they would give a shit about Jesus banging on about being the son of god when they already had their own stories of Zeus and Mercury etc.

Where was he killed too? And what was he doing there?

 

[Percy Tantrums]

Excuse my ignorance but I went to non-religious schools and have never read the bible. Why did the Romans kill God Junior anyway? What had he actually done? I'd always assumed blasphemy but being as the Romans have a completely different belief system (many gods, not one god) I don't see how they would give a shit about Jesus banging on about being the son of god when they already had their own stories of Zeus and Mercury etc.

Where was he killed too? And what was he doing there?

The Romans didn't care wether Jesus was guilty or not of blasphemy. Pontus Pilate washed his hands of him. He was concerned only for the reaction of the crowd. Jesus was not found guilty of any charge. There was no verdict he was just handed over to be flogged and crucified. That is the whole point. In the Christian faith he was innocent yet he 'died for the salvation of sinners'.

 

[Bluejuice]

Ok so what did Pontius Pilate have to do with anything? And I am still none the wiser as to where this shit took place