How do you stop a cat shatting in your garden?

[Dr Schnell]

A friend of mine put up an electric wire on his side of the fence for a week. Every time one of the local cats tried to get into his garden for a shit it received a nasty little 120 volt shock. I would never condone this sort of behaviour but cats have good memories and they haven't revisited his garden since. No more cat shat!

 

[C1 BHA]

Sports catupult (Black Widow is a good one) and a collection of acorns from an upstairs window......fantastic fun and it gets rid of the stinking, filthy cat as well.....

 

[Caveman]

So Mr Caveman, did you manage to stop that dam cat shatting in your garden and if so which method did you use?

The answer is no! I thought the Curry plant was the answer until the winter killed it.

What about a f*cking shitting little bastard!

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Have you tried anti-cat mines? A small explosive charge that will take off a leg or two. Works a treat. Alterntatively you could try cat traps

Right, I am only telling you this so that you use it purely in the spirit it is intended. If you use it to damage postmen, Jehovah's Witnesses or other human/non-human targets, then you are on your own.

Where the cat shits, dig a small hole. Into that hole place a margarine container (big). In the marge container, put loads of vinegar. Into the vinegar, place an eggcup of baking soda so that the level of vinegar is just below the lip of the eggcup. Be very careful. Cover the container with twigs and woodchip (think Vietnam man-traps). When the cat walks on the cover, the baking soda will be displaced, and a wonderful (safe) reaction occurs. No damage, but the shit may be spread over a larger area - and it may be very, very runny. To make this even more fulfilling, set up a camera and send the tape to You've Been Framed.

If this doesn't work, then I can give you the plans for a pressure sensitive switch that will send the contents of a car battery up it's arse. I don't think that Claymore killzones are required just yet.

 

[clapham_gull]

As a cat lover, i am appauled by this ........

Simple really,dig down about three inches below the surface, lay a metal net in it, cover with bark.
Wire the net up to the mains.
Lay in wait
When the offending animal squats down to have a number 1 or 2, shove 240 volts up its jacksy
When it comes down from 5000ft and makes a hell of a splat, the other felines will recognize a well toasted pussy and never darken your garden again.

A friend of mine's dad did something similiar to get rid of a wasps nest, somewhere I believe just under his roof on the outside of the house.

Wired up a bare wire to the mains and ran it around the outside of the house.

Smeared jam on it and left it turned it on for a few weeks.

This would have been seen as an economical solution, since he was possibly the tightest human being on earth.

Refused to pay for a removal firm or rent a van to move house, so he moved his belongings to Devon in the boot of his car over a period of 6 months at the weekend.

We used to go round to watch the belongings in the house eventually disappear, until one weekend we sat in the living room in deck chairs watching his 1970s television set that could only receive 4 channels at any one time (it only had four buttons on the front).

We would sit there in coats because he refused to turn the central heating on ever. In fact one winter when his family forced him to turn it on, it blew up.

When his son was at home during the summer holidays from school, he charged him rent.

 

[Hampden Park]

guaranteed to work

collect some empty milk bottles
smash above mentioned milk bottles into small pieces (in a bag is recommended)
remove your bark
scatter broken glass onto place where bark used to be
replace bark

next time cat has a shit it will try and bury it and rip its claws to shreds on the broken glass

no more cat shit

end of

thats 50p please

 

[clapham_gull]

Tea bags sprinkled liberally with Olbas Oil and scattered round the garden.

 

[Caveman]

mmm now if I listen to you lot my garden is going to look like a f*cking warzone. Don't forget I would like to keep it looking nice...just shat free!

50p for that bit of information?

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Tea bags sprinkled liberally with Olbas Oil and scattered round the garden.

So your garden either smells of cat shit or nasally-congested hippies?

 

[clapham_gull]

So your garden either smells of cat shit or nasally-congested hippies?

Take your pick

 

[Hampden Park]

mmm now if I listen to you lot my garden is going to look like a f*cking warzone. Don't forget I would like to keep it looking nice...just shat free!

50p for that bit of information?

it works, gotta be worth that much

 

[Caveman]

So your garden either smells of cat shit or nasally-congested hippies?

And god knows what the neighbours are going to think?

 

[Hampden Park]

catapault and 'u' nails then

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

mmm now if I listen to you lot my garden is going to look like a f*cking warzone. Don't forget I would like to keep it looking nice...just shat free!

50p for that bit of information?

So you don't want the polystyrene chips/napalm solution then? Now THAT is funny! Well, it kind of depends in which direction the flaming balls of fur run....

Simple solution - pre-loaded water pistols (the pump-up-to-60-psi ones). Keep them handily located, and never miss the chance to take a shot. I can hit a cat at almost 100 feet with one of those (I take them out in other people's gardens for the fun of it, and the look on their faces when they realise there is now an exclusion zone around my garden!)

 

[clapham_gull]

And god knows what the neighbours are going to think?

You'll hardly see the tea bags, they'll soon go brown and merge in with the soil.

Apparently cats don't like the smell of the oil, which you could just sprinkle around, but the tea bag makes it a bit more permanant.

Plus they bio-degrade quite quickly.

You know it makes sense.

Orange peel works, but your lawn will look like, er like you've thrown orange peel over it.

 

[clapham_gull]

Oh, by the way I havent got a lawn or a cat. I've been reading a forum relating to unwanted cat shit.

Don't shoot the messenger, or the cat as they say.

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Oh, by the way I havent got a lawn or a cat. I've been reading a forum relating to unwanted cat shit.

Don't shoot the messenger, or the cat as they say.

And you were searching for, what, exactly, which led you to that little corner of the interweb?

Not a potential Lib Dem councillor?

 

[clapham_gull]

I've noticed that the cats go away when the foxes are in town round here.

Get a fox

 

[cardboard]

What about smearing "no more nails" on your patch, then when the cat goes, it will get stuck and you can find it in the morning, then kick its head in?


BTW, ive just read through this whole thread, SUPERB

 

[clapham_gull]

Do Cats like chocolate ?