Have you ever FOLLOWED THROUGH?

[El Presidente]

I had the misfortune of stepping on a DUCK at Orient before Russell Slade's first match and unfortunately producing a minor lava flow. Took about 8 hours before all was in good order to make things worse.

Have you ever opened the CLACKERVALVE in good taste only to switch on the chocolate milkshake machine by mistake?

 

[DarrenFreemansPerm]

I most certainly have, during in a busy dinner service, I was head chef . I made a sly exit, freshened up and carried on without anybody knowing

 

[Nibble]

Shit my pants on a dancefloor in Dubai once.

 

[Durlston]

Yep. Plenty of times. It's the worst feeling in the world being on public transport and having arse coffee running down your leg. Guinness and ecstasy used to give me the shits as well with my poo turning black.

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

To many times!
Most memorable,in front of the Mayoress of Newcastle,
in Australia whilst doing furniture removal,best one,on a bus in Jerusalem.
Happy days.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Only once, many years ago, I was in my small flat and my Mum & Dad were round for dinner, been on the Guinness the night before. I had a fart brewing and thought I would sneak it out and hoped it would not stink, even though I was in control of the fart I totally bagged myself, lots of it and I had boxers on too. I went to the bathroom to scrape out as much as I could and wipe my arse and legs down but I had nowhere to put the soiled shorts so I rushed back and quickly put them in the washing machine and closed the door tight. For the rest of the evening the place stank of shit.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

What's with the sudden, er, flush, of SCATOLOGICAL posts, El Pres?

First the (admittedly epic) thread you started last week on the subject, and now this, on following through. What will your next thread be about? Tapeworms? Magic (ghost) poos?

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

What's with the sudden, er, flush, of SCATOLOGICAL posts, El Pres?

First the (admittedly epic) thread you started last week on the subject, and now this, on following through. What will your next thread be about? Tapeworms? Magic (ghost) poos?

This app is a real pleasure to have on the phone
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/viz-profanisaurus-das-krapital/id458591699?mt=8

 

[8ace]

One had a shart this very morn

 

[LABHA]

Once or twice,in a taxi once,stunk like f***.

 

[seagullondon]

I did once back in 1997

 

[Lady Whistledown]

PS it happened to a friend of mine while running the Brighton marathon this year. Being overcome by a sudden, gurgling stomach feeling, and not being a local, he quickly found what he deemed to be an ideal, discreet location in which to drop his shorts, and finish the deed, unfortunately having no option but to continue the race in the same now-warm pants. When we got to the finish line, he requisitioned my foil blanket and used it as a handy curtain behind which he could remove the soiled undercrackers, and deposit them in one of the finishers' goody bags for disposal. If anyone was wandering around Madeira Drive looking to pinch the t-shirts, drinks or food from those bags, they'd have had a nasty shock when they picked his bag up.

Incidentally, the spot where he dropped his shorts and crouched down for a few minutes to sort himself out turned out, on listening to his description, to be Duke's Mound

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

Once or twice,in a taxi once,stunk like f***.

OOhh,nice one,got thrown out of a taxi once for a toxic fart,wouldn't have been so bad but I blamed the driver,had to walk for f***ing miles home.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

As posted on previous poo related thread a mate of mine whilst on holiday in Greece (Ios) was playing table tennis beside the pool when he stretched for a tricky shot and shit himself, he had the runs anyway, but when he got to the toilet all that was left in the gusset of his shorts was tomato pips from the previous nights greek salad.

 

[tedebear]

Yes when I was about 16, I dislocated my shoulder turning over in bed one night. I got up walked down the hall to wake Mum to take me to the hospital to put it back in (it is a common occurrence) but on the way down the hall the pain I was in caused diarrhea - which started before I could get there :-( I had to sit on the loo for a while with my elbow joint nearly between my knees until my stomach calmed down, then stand in the shower to clean up and then dry and dress (all with my shoulder out), and then go and get my shoulder reduced. All my Dad was concerned about when we eventually woke him to tell him we were going to A&E was had I ruined the carpet!

 

[Hastings woody]

once i can remember at my mates dinner table having sunday lunch after about a week on the lash and not eating. it looked like red wine running down my leg. His Mrs was not inpressed. I no longer drink.

 

[Arkwright]

We have all dobne it, couple of memerable times, once while batting at Marlboro 1870 (South London) in the days of jocks straps and not batting pants my cricket whites where no longer whites.

Also on my mates stag night in the Royal Standard in Croydon, my under pants may still be in the over flow in the Gents toilet.

 

[spongy]

Only once since I was a little kid and it was 3 weeks ago,

Went to the pub straight after work on friday in an attempt to have an early night, not eating anything and drinking too much, I was rightly pissed as a fart and wobbled in the door about 10.30.

Didn't feel too good so went to the toilet to throw up, unfortunately one wretch was particularly nasty and I followed through.

That left me with the decision of peuk in the toilet and carry on shitting my pants OR shit in the toilet and throw up on the floor.

I chose to shit in the toilet and clean the sick off the floor.

Tonight will be my first proper drink since that incident.

 

[tubaman]

Its that moment of panic when you try and sneak one out and for a second or two you can't quite decide whether it is warm air in your cheeks or something more substantial. By which time its to late.............shit!

 

[dazman]

Not me personally, but I still think one of the most amusing things I have heard in recent times is Robert Snodgrass of Leeds (with the white shorts), suffering a "tummy upset" - as Larry Grayson described it after the game - during a game at Elland Road, signalling that he needed to be substituted and hurrying towards the tunnel with the local radio commentator saying, "oh, it appears he's messed himself!"