Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!

[Lokki 7]

I can look back now and see where i was going wrong and how I was being dragged down without realising it.

Ah so that is why you were always so horrible to me when you first starting posting! I knew that had to be extenuating circumstances. I am quite frankly, impossible not to love. Normal service is resumed and I accept your apology.

 

[Kumquat]

Margo's Waltz
She said don't worry baby
I'll do my own crying
I'm a big girl now
And I'm going to be okay
Guess I'll find a new way of living
You know I will

And you lie there without sleeping
And you stare at your wall
And you realize you're not weeping
You don't need her anymore

You say don't hate me baby
It won't hurt you if you do
You've got no reason not to
She kiss you on the head
Says there's no easy road for leaving
If it hurts you to

And you lie there without sleeping
And you stare at your wall
And you realize you're not weeping
You don't need her anymore

You walk by the old place
Looks like just any other place
That's what you say
You say I'll be okay
Yes, I'll find a new way of living
Sure I will

And you lie there without sleeping
And you stare at your wall
And you realize you're not weeping
Because you don't need her anymore

 

[PWA]

Be strong.
It is hell, but it does get better.

I would get on something else, it does help.

 

[marshy68]

No, entirely mutual. She was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder last month, and she keeps telling me that she wants to "find out who she is" She's 25, I'm 31. I've found the bi-polar hard (although I've wanted to support her every step of the way - still do - it's not like we've split because I'm running away from it), and in fairness, we've just drifted over the past 6 months or so to the point that we barely spoke to each other unless it was to ask for something or to have an argument. What's galling me is that I love the bones of her, and wish that I'd taken more notice of the signs which are now so bloody apparent over the past few months.

she's met someone else.

 

[marshy68]

"Find out who she is"? I'm sorry to break this to you, but this is bollocks. It's one of the things people say when they break up with their partners. Other classics are 'I love you but am not IN love with you' or 'I'm just not ready/at the right stage in my life for a relationship'. It's just easier to say that sort of thing than the honest reason, which is that they're just bored of you and the relationship has run its course.

I wouldn't put effort into getting her back. Keep her number written down but delete it from your phone. If she wants you back she knows where to find you. Chasing her and fighting for her will just make you look needy. If she doesn't hear from you she'll start to wonder if you're getting interest from other girls (and you probably will when word gets round that you're back on the market) and it'll make you seem all the more attractive.

is the correct answer in my opinion.

 

[Return of the Rev]

hi guys

i've just broken up with my partner of nearly 5 years, and it's one of those horrible sad breakup's where neither of us have done anything wrong per se, but not a lot right has happened. With the wealth of knowledge and opinion on here - how do you get over a relationship where you've just drifted apart? And is there anything anyone could recommend to "throw a grenade" into a relationship that's died like that, to kickstart it again? We both care about each other very much still, and rather than being acrimonious and screaming at each other, all we seem to be doing is apologising to each other and being extra nice. It's a bloody horrible situation to be in to be honest - every one of our friends have said how well we seem to be doing with it, but to be honest i want to hate her, and be angry to make the grieving for the relationship stop.

Sorry to bore you lot with this, but i need to get it off my chest somewhere

I used a technique at school if i was getting grief from the teachers i would just imagine them naked and it seemed to lighten the situation,might me worth a try

 

[BlockDpete]

Sounds a similar situation to what I went through last year when I split from my then GF.

She had depression and also went menapausal whilst we were together. So I was having to cope with mood swings and everything. Add to that I felt very tied down, having to justify anything I wanted to do, in the end it was a very complicated situation.

Unfortunatley, it had got the stage that I was going to move in to a house I was going to rent with her, but a few things happened and decided to jump ship. I did feel I could be the supportive partner for her, but then I got the feeling that she didn't want to do anything for herself. Plus, being with someone with mental illness such as hers was starting to drag me down too.

I've had a whole mixture of feeling since then, starting with guilt then anger, and sometimes sadness. Then even some thoughts of having another go with her, though I think thats just me missing being in a relationship.

What I would say, is just enjoy being single. Focus on making plans for yourself. Don't worry about starting a new relationship yet, just concentrate as getting yourself better.

Also, if it gets too much, don't suffer in silence. I even went to my GP's a week or so ago, and explained the situation I had been in. I'm now on a course of mild anti depressants, which I hope will let me move on from her and enable me to feel more positive about myself.

 

[Phat Baz 68]

Don't hate her if she's done nothing wrong.
Time is a good healer it's so difficult when you have strong feelings for someone still as well.
Talk to her let her know how you feel , it's good to talk about it if you can.
Good luck mate.

 

[HovaGirl]

and whilst I am at it, I find the posts saying anyone with any depression issues should be dumped or avoided like the plague highly offensive but did not highlight them or try and make the poster look a baddun.

In this case, we are specifically talking about the OP's situation. He has already split up with the woman. Maybe her illness has something to do with the split, maybe not. No one is suggesting that all those who have long-term permanent relationships with depressives should dump them. If they care for them, they will help them.

Your statement that most women "are seeing someone else" when a relationship folds is also offensive. Maybe that is your experience but you could ask yourself, why? Do you upset them in some way?

 

[HovaGirl]

That's a bit harsh on the cat. It wasn't its fault.

No, but if the OP has to look for a new place to live, it's often very difficult if you have pets.

 

[Brighton Mod]

Its really hard thing to deal with, rejection is not good, but as long as the sun rises life goes on. It will pass, for sure and at 31 you havn't even started, find a way of letting it go and move on, once the love has gone, it doesn't come back.

 

[nwgull]

Your statement that most women "are seeing someone else" when a relationship folds is also offensive. Maybe that is your experience but you could ask yourself, why? Do you upset them in some way?

How is it offensive?? This is something that is not particular to US at all. Women will often only end an unsatisfactory (to them) relationship when they have set themselves up with someone else. It's happened to me personally, and I can also think of dozens of examples off the top of my head of other women who've done it and mates who've suffered from it.

 

[red star portslade]

Join the army- go to Afghanistan and kill everyone you're allowed to. Nothing like a lawful psychotic episode to get it all out of your system.

Jigsaws help as well I find.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Put on your finest Kappa tracksuit, shine up your best Elizabeth Duke jewelry and use a gawd-ly amount of Old Spice. Get back in the game player and show the ladies of Sussex what they have been missing.

Are you trying to make him a laughing stock

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

and whilst I am at it, I find the posts saying anyone with any depression issues should be dumped or avoided like the plague highly offensive but did not highlight them or try and make the poster look a baddun.

I agree entirely. My son-in-law is bi-polar, and when we talked to our daughter about it before they got married, she actually said that the illness makes him what he is and probably has something to do with why she loves him. Their fifth wedding anniversary last week, and an 11 month old granddaughter, of whom the son-in-law thinks the world.

 

[Justice]

Join the army- go to Afghanistan and kill everyone you're allowed to. Nothing like a lawful psychotic episode to get it all out of your system.

Jigsaws help as well I find.

Croydon is closer

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

WHAT ABOUT THIS


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3rFeXVZVis

Seriously, this should carry a Government Health Warning "Not to be viewed / listened to by any persons in a fragile mental state"

 

[HovaGirl]

How is it offensive?? This is something that is not particular to US at all. Women will often only end an unsatisfactory (to them) relationship when they have set themselves up with someone else. It's happened to me personally, and I can also think of dozens of examples off the top of my head of other women who've done it and mates who've suffered from it.

It's offensive because it implies ALL women do this and that's patently not true, even if it is your personal experience and that of the person who made the statement. Yes, it does happen, mostly with young, or immature women. There are some women who can't bear life without a man and hop from one bloke to the next, sometimes even having the next one lined up before the relationship is fully over, or when it begins to lose its sparkle. For those kinds of women, it's "a relationship" which matters, not necessarily the person with whom they're having a relationship, although it may have been "real" for a while. But there are blokes who do this as well, and some of the advice on here is for the OP to rush into bed with someone else ASAP and get his end away.

But for most people, the break-up of a serious long-term relationship is heartbreaking, and the feelings are similar to that of a bereavement. A lifestyle has been lost, as has a future, and the dreams and plans which went along with all that, plus the loneliness of not having that special thing you had with that special person. It's all gone. For some, the answer to the pain is to try and re-capture all that with someone else as soon as possible, which rarely works, but for most, they need time to get over it, to grieve a little, and, as the pain subsides, to open up their heart to the idea of someone new.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Life's too short. Stay friends but put time and distance between you now and for six months, in the meantime enjoy life without rushing into anything serious ... oh, and get a good internet connection!! ;-)

 

[nwgull]

It's offensive because it implies ALL women do this and that's patently not true, even if it is your personal experience and that of the person who made the statement. Yes, it does happen, mostly with young, or immature women. There are some women who can't bear life without a man and hop from one bloke to the next, sometimes even having the next one lined up before the relationship is fully over, or when it begins to lose its sparkle. For those kinds of women, it's "a relationship" which matters, not necessarily the person with whom they're having a relationship, although it may have been "real" for a while. But there are blokes who do this as well, and some of the advice on here is for the OP to rush into bed with someone else ASAP and get his end away.

But for most people, the break-up of a serious long-term relationship is heartbreaking, and the feelings are similar to that of a bereavement. A lifestyle has been lost, as has a future, and the dreams and plans which went along with all that, plus the loneliness of not having that special thing you had with that special person. It's all gone. For some, the answer to the pain is to try and re-capture all that with someone else as soon as possible, which rarely works, but for most, they need time to get over it, to grieve a little, and, as the pain subsides, to open up their heart to the idea of someone new.

9/10 isn't all women, so that's clearly not what it implied. It may not be 9/10 but it's certainly the case more than half the time. And it's certainly not just the case with young and immature women, in fact all the women I've know who've jumped straight into another relationship have been in their 30s.

I'm struggling to think of any woman I know who has ended a relationship due to general dissatisfaction and not jumped straight (and I'm talking a matter of days) into another one. Most single women are single because they've been either left or cheated on by their boyfriends. You can't deny facts just because you don't like them.