Embarrassing partners......

[Life After Bobby]

An ex of mine was looking through the photos in one of Tony Benn's diaries, and having read the caption asked "who's self?"

 

[Knightsworld]

My wife called me at work no more than 30 minutes ago and said
in a hysterical manner, you have got to come home quick Mac (my 10 yr old) has just been slashed by a teenage girl, she went on i know who it is blah blah blah etc


I have just received another call to say panic over, he was flashed not slashed

FFS

 

[Gully]

lucky sod, that hasn't happened to me for years...

 

[Knightsworld]

lucky sod, that hasn't happened to me for years...

Maybe not, another twist to the tale, he & his mate were flashed at by boys

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

After the terrorist attacks in London in the Summer my girlfriend said that Religion was the cause of all the world's problems and she was glad she was an anaethetist

 

[Wozza]

New entry: my missus thought curling was an Irish sport.

 

[the full harris]

A couple of days ago, I casually remarked on how quickly the clouds were moving and that it must be windy outside. She answered that the clouds were not moving and that it was the earth's rotation making the clouds appear to move. It took me ages to persuade her she'd got a bit confused!



EDITED: cos it didn't make sense.

 

[pasty]

On a flight back from Amsterdam, we were flying into Heathrow, and started circling because of fog.

Me: Oh good, I hope we get diverted to Gatwick
(Now ex)-Wife: Hope not, our luggage is going to Heathrow

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

A cracker from my ex....

Flying back into Heathrow, we started circling because of fog

Me: Oh, I hope we get diverted to Gatwick
Her: Better not, our luggage is going to Heathrow
Everyone within earshot:

fixtures?

 

[pasty]

fixtures?

LOL - your memory is obviously too good BAG.

 

[1066gull]

It's nothing what she says, its what she DOES

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

LOL - your memory is obviously too good BAG.

I just got a major case of deja-vu!!

 

[Emily's Mum]

A few years ago I had to have a dose of radioactive material to cure my over-active thyroid. I told my husband that all I had to do was swallow a capsual, not go to work for 4 weeks & everything would be great.

The plonker told all our friends that I was having radiotherapy. I only twigged what he had done when I started to receive flowers & get well cards from friends.

He also thought it was ok to send our 8 year old son into the gents at Picadilly underground station on his own.

It took years, but I finally realised he was a plonker!

 

[saltash seagull]

my mates girlfriend on leaving brighton to go home to brum wondered why she couldn't find signs for the m25 in hastings

 

[BensGrandad]

On holiday in Florida I was once talking to an American, suprising in Florida! who asked where I lived and I said Epsom in Surrey about 20 miles from London. She said ' my son in in the airforce just outside London you may know him he is in a village called Cambridgeshire'.

 

[Sheebo]

Went out with one lass, on her birthday a couple of her friends brought her an Austrian Sacher Torte (a gorgeous chocolate cake, high in calories and incredibly tasty), it had the word Sacher in chocolate on the top. One of the girls asked, who is Sacher, to which another replied, I think he was the man who I bought the cake from. Granted she wasn't as thick as her mates but the phrase "guilt by association" came to mind, in the end I dumped her because she was a Tory.

LMFAO ha ha ha hhahahahahahqah hahahahah hahaha

it's the TORY BIT

smiling and laughing alot at this

and the turtles thing

ps - my HOUSEMATE from Croyden told me the other night croyden only isnt a city cos it doesnt have a cathedral??

and why are the majority of people from croyden right twats?? not everyone obviously... but londeners r like yeh seen standard - lets make ourselves up new words and talk silly and try to be hard - TWATS>....


im getting all delerious and must sleep...

 

[bhaexpress]

Look, American wife and two American girlfriends, where do I start ?

 

[227 BHA]

LOL - your memory is obviously too good

Doesn't need to be - you've posted the same tale on pages 4 & 6 of this thread

 

[aftershavedave]

the lovely anne thought that michel platini was warming up to come on for madrid on tuesday and that patrick viera was playing for arsenal.......

 

[tedebear]

I remarked one day that the man on tv (David Blunkett) was a terrible reader of his teleprompter...I was then informed by someone laying on the floor in fits of laughter that he was blind...lucky it was at home and out of earshot of the general public...