Do you use the CIGAR CUTTER when having a DUMP?

[El Presidente]

It's the ultimate dilemma, nothing beats dropping off Meatloaf's Daughter into the pan, but there is always a danger of MULTIPLE FLUSHAGE, or at worst, hand to hand combat with a brown trout using a toilet brush.

Where do you stand (or should that be sit?) on the issue of dropping a BROWNBERG?

Do you use your BUM MUSCLES to break the motions into easily flushable pieces, or do you go for a single motion which may cause a LOGJAM down the U-bend?

 

[Notters]

What?

 

[Titanic]

The CIGAR CUTTER is the route to nightmarish wiping traumas and soiled underwear. Avoid at all costs.

I'd rather deal with the tissuey, mashed-up BROWNBERG - not a pleasurable experience, but a price worth paying.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

There is always something rather satisfying when dumping a huge log. It does not happen often so it needs to be savoured. It is a rare beast and a thing of beauty imo so just be proud and go for it.

 

[KZNSeagull]

Has Danny Seagulls hacked your account?

 

[El Presidente]

No, I have just dropped a conger eel into the bogs at Heathrow, and the nose was still sticking out when I left. I was hoping for an anonymous exit, but there were three blokes in a queue to get into the trap when I left. Apologies if it is anyone on NSC, I fear that things could get messy.

I did all I can in covering it with a layer of bogpaper, but the next person to sit on that particular throne will have an unwelcoming plate of BANGERS AND MASH to deal with.

 

[DarrenFreemansPerm]

Ha, how fitting that you were at Hearhrow. My favourite expression for needing a clear out is "there's one in the departure lounge" !!

 

[Giant Seagull]

I normally revel in the size of my beasts but a few weeks ago i left a right whopper protruding from the base and was unsure if the lavatory could take that kind of POUNDAGE so had to do the honurabel thing and HACK it into managemable CHUNKS. Not a pretty sight but had to be done.

 

[Kumquat]

I always try for the one bounce. The messier it is the more chance of shaking hands with the french when wiping. especially if you get your bog roll in bags of 48 from Poundstretcher i've found.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Was it a slow mover that takes 10 minutes to get out EP or a bomber that hits the water with such force water splashes up wetting your arse cheeks ?

 

[El Presidente]

Was it a slow mover that takes 10 minutes to get out EP or a bomber that hits the water with such force water splashes up wetting your arse cheeks ?

It was a torpedo US, I had barely time to get out my copy of Exchange and Mart for a quick perusal of replacement wing mirrors for a Mark IV Golf when it slipped into the water as quietly and with as little splash as Tom Daley at the Olympics.

 

[algie]

No, I have just dropped a conger eel into the bogs at Heathrow, and the nose was still sticking out when I left. I was hoping for an anonymous exit, but there were three blokes in a queue to get into the trap when I left. Apologies if it is anyone on NSC, I fear that things could get messy.

I did all I can in covering it with a layer of bogpaper, but the next person to sit on that particular throne will have an unwelcoming plate of BANGERS AND MASH to deal with.

Good subject.

Public toilets are great and trains are even better for.releasing a log. Try throwing a load of tissue down the toilet first making sure all paper is wet and no escape routes to the U-bend.

If need be... use brush to condense the wet tissue.

The depth of the wet paper is important as the higher the mound is the higher the chances of having your log poking above the rim. Make sure your bum is raised above the toilet by a few inches or run the risk of your log snapping in half.

Once completed have a good look but don't wipe your bum or throw anything down the bog. Why ruin the sight you have created for others ?

NEVER FLUSH THE CHAIN.

Pull up pants and pop next door to a free cubical to clean up.

Watching strangers go in and out again sharpish is extremely fun and satisfying.

My clear favorite which wins hands down is diarrhea. I'll leave it at that.

 

[Billy the Fish]

No way would I use the cigar cutter. It just leaves a massive deposit of WINNET or CHAD stuck to my BUMHAIR, why should I deal with that just because the toilet can't cope with my magnificent BATTLESHIP.

 

[El Presidente]

I am disappointed that none of the DAFT BINTS have contributed to this thread. I have often wondered if LAURA was inclined to whistle the theme tune to Casey Jones when dropping the kids off at the pool, or whether [MENTION=46]Lush[/MENTION] could be the proud owner of a TURDIS, which for those of you NOT in the know, is a POO that is disproportionately bigger than the bottom that produced it, a lit like the one that Kylie Minogue produced just before her Wembley concert in 2003.

 

[Pavilionaire]

It was a torpedo US, I had barely time to get out my copy of Exchange and Mart for a quick perusal of replacement wing mirrors for a Mark IV Golf when it slipped into the water as quietly and with as little splash as Tom Daley at the Olympics.

Still had the residue of last night's vaseline, then?!..

 

[Jahooli]

Was it a slow mover that takes 10 minutes to get out EP or a bomber that hits the water with such force water splashes up wetting your arse cheeks ?

Ahhh Neptunes kiss..., or is that only when the spout hits the bull's eye ?

 

[pseudonym]

It's the ultimate dilemma, nothing beats dropping off Meatloaf's Daughter into the pan, but there is always a danger of MULTIPLE FLUSHAGE, or at worst, hand to hand combat with a brown trout using a toilet brush.

Where do you stand (or should that be sit?) on the issue of dropping a BROWNBERG?

Do you use your BUM MUSCLES to break the motions into easily flushable pieces, or do you go for a single motion which may cause a LOGJAM down the U-bend?

Exclusive video of EP in the bogs Heathrow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pix-9h8SGDA

 

[fire&skill]

I like the 'euro-khazi' experience. Lots of water cushioning the blow. With even pressure it's possible to view the 'J-shape' of the transverse and descending colon.

 

[Pavilionaire]

Great thread, NSC literally "plumbing new depths" re conversational material.

Maybe Channel 4 could tap into the public interest and 'turd-tag' one of these little beauties with a 'stool cam' and make a half-hour documentary of 'Mr. Brown's journey off to the coast'?

 

[sydney]

It's the ultimate dilemma, nothing beats dropping off Meatloaf's Daughter into the pan, but there is always a danger of MULTIPLE FLUSHAGE, or at worst, hand to hand combat with a brown trout using a toilet brush.

Where do you stand (or should that be sit?) on the issue of dropping a BROWNBERG?



finally something to get the teeth into.....

i usually get up at 5 am and spend an hour on line checking e-mails and invoicing before i leave the house at 6 15 ish .......during this time i would have at least two shits .....the first one is usually about the size of a rounders bat,quite firm but bendy enough to get round the bend without leaving any debris , the second one is usually the consistency of dulux weathershield with a tin of fruit salad in it , on the rare occaision a third dump is required it isually does that phoenomenal thing where it manages to get itself all over the underside of the seat and occasionally the cistern.....how it does this i do not know but i have commissioned a tekky freind of mine to come up with a "RIM-CAM" set up so you can watch the cosbys being dropped at the pool .