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Ridiculous to play home games in Crawley. Ladies were well supported at Lancing where, in my view, the facilities were perfectly adequate. I took the kids yesterday and there was no atmosphere, unlike Lancing. However, the Ladies played well and it was quite an entertaining game.

I think you might have a point watching him tonight. Couldn't hold up a candle. 🐕

They tried to throw it to Button but he missed it. 🐕

Must haves... A cast iron gut and a penchant for pink chicken coated with soot. 🐕

Fill a petrol can with water, add a squeeze of lemon. Attach hosepipe to V8 exhaust system and insert hose into petrol can. Run engine for 20 minutes. Hey presto! Cloudy lemonade. 🐕

Too many beautiful people. They ought to chuck in a few uglies and fatties. I'm up for it.

From the West Ham message board "KUMB" "Imagine if we had a player like that on the wing...but instead we've got Michail 'blowing out of his arse after 5 minutes' Antonio"

Free to ST holders with a free pie, drink of your choice and a scratchcard. 🐕

I reckon 70000th will be a cry for help after accidentally installing the Xenial Xerus version of Ubuntu on his new Palm Pilot. 🐕

If we could just have a white christmas all will be well.

I'm still team CMS and proud of it. 🐕

Proper nawty old geezer. This has got to be worth a thread of it's own.

We'll get 2 minutes 8 seconds before an extended interview with Jurgen Klapp 🐕

Where can I get a 5XL home shirt? 🐕

I'm still angry we let Chris O'gravy and Leona Best go. 🐕

Should never have let Ogrady go. 🐕

Unfortunately Gary's pre-season started a bit late and he's not quite ready for the Premier League yet.

excruciatingly slow

Chinese twitter is all whispers

I'm more nervous than a small nun at a penguin shoot...