You know you're getting old when...

[BrianWade4]

Iv'e no idea what colour my pubes are. I think Uncle is showing off.

Mirror?

 

[Lord Bracknell]

I've read the whole of this thread and I'm surprised no-one has mentioned memory loss.

 

[Dan Aitch]

Glasses on or glasses off, if it's as far away as the distance from your nipples to your nuts, you just can't make your eyes see it properly.

Sweet corn is an ice-pack, not food.

A good bowel movement smells only half as bad as a minor fart.

It hurts to stand up for too long, and then it hurts when you sit down.

You can name every player from all of the 1970s FA cup finals but have no idea who won it in 2010.

Recent Clint Eastwood movies make you want to laugh and cry in equal measure.

You've started to be discerning about wine, but only when you're full up with beer.

Eating fruit and veg is downright dangerous, unless you've no plans to go out for the next 24 hours.

Sexy girls smile at you like newsreaders do during royal family stories (patient, slightly humouring, but actually not interested in the slightest).

 

[greyseagull]

Unresponsive pen!s

That's what my clients call me

 

[cjd]

You know you,re old when you need to tidy the lounge and kitchen before you go to to bed..you don't really want your children to see a mess when you,re found dead.

Although to be honest...I think the maggots would have disposed of me before my eldest son bothered to find out.

 

[Pickles]

I've read the whole of this thread and I'm surprised no-one has mentioned memory loss.

Funny you say that LB.

I turned 50 the other week and am receiving Parker pens from everywhere 'just for applying' .

The only problem is I can't remember where I've put them

 

[beakyburn]

I fear for the day when my dad reaches the age when he says "Son, give us a hand. Help me pop my piles back in will you?"

Thanks son. Still managing on my own thanks.

 

[father_and_son]

You know you're getting old when your kids sound surprised that they like some of your music.

When they like a cover version of something you remember the original of. Then decide they don't like it anymore as soon as you point out it is a song from 80s/70s/60s/whatever!

 

[desprateseagull]

I gave up on Dr Who when the Daleks got killed off.. for the third or fourth time, I can't remember.

 

[dazzer6666]

........you get selected for your cricket clubs 'Golden Oldies' (yes, actual name) team for a match against the colts.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

When you realise that you are no longer presented with night-club flyers in the street.

I noticed that too. Jesus. I got handed one in Essex recently for...you guessed it...an over 30s singles bar!

 

[hart's shirt]

Bending down to tie up my shoelaces and wondering if there's anything else I need to be doing whilst I'm down there before I get back up again.

Walking into a room only to completely forget why I walked into the room in the first place. Then having to walk out of the room in order to remember it again.

 

[Perfidious Albion]

When you hear yourself saying the same things about modern music as your father did about yours....

When you go to the dentist or A & E and the young girl that you took to be the junior nurse turns out to be the doctor....

When you find yourself referring to the Amex as "The Goldstone"...yes, I have done it as a mental throwback !

When you tell people that " I rememember seeing his father play against us at The Goldstone"

 

[Munkfish]

The Year 2030 is closer to us than the year 1998.

 

[Nibble]

Thinking it's good that Britpop style is still going and realising it's all retro stuff as it happened 20 years ago

Watching my nephew pass his driving test , plan a lads holiday and look at uni's. I remember pushing him in his pram.

 

[Bognor Bystander]

your kids have left home ... our eldest has bought a house nearby ....and also the youngest drove me to the pub one evening recently parting with the words 'I can pick you up later - when I'm on my way out to a club if you like '

 

[nail-Z]

I thought I had something to say but now I'm here I can't remember what it was.

Hang on - it'll come back to me.

 

[Trufflehound]

When you look at the obitiaries to see if someone kuffed it before you.

I look at the obituaries to make sure I'm not listed...

 

[Binney on acid]

I can remember seeing Liam Bridcutt score a league goal.

 

[Vegas Seagull]

[ QUOTE=Trufflehound;6462450]I look at the obituaries to make sure I'm not listed...[/QUOTE]

The Father in Law was double booked for friends funerals last week....