- PM: Big Ronnie
- Deputy PM: Big Brayden
- Chancellor: Gary Stevenson
- Foreign Secretary: Bald and Bankrupt
- Home Secretary: James O'Brien
- Levelling Up, Housing and Communities: Isambard Kingdom Brunel
- Environment, Food and Rural Affairs: Jack Hargreaves
- Culture, Media and Sport : Eve Muirhead
- Enterprise and Net Zero: Dale Vince
- Defence: Perun
- Cabinet Office: Gordon Ramsay
- Education: Ray Mears
- Justice: Horace Rumpole
- Health and Social Care: Gillian McKeith
- Women and Equalities: Andrew Tate
- Work and Pensions: Vicky Pollard
- Minister for Common Sense: Confucius