[Football] What is the best (and worst) line in football commentary you have ever witnessed?

[Mustafa II]

 

[sakooshi]

When two players from the same team both go to head the ball and get in each other’s way and the commentator says “two players going for the same ball there”

I always think surely all 22 players are going for the same ball

True. It's not as if there is a choice of balls for them to go for.

 

[Eeyore]

The bowler's holding the batsman's willy.

Oops, sorry, wrong messageboard

I'm not convinced that was ever said by Johno, although it was his type of thing.

Without Peter Jones, we cannot not have Bryon Buttler...

 

[A mex eyecan]

And Smith most scored.

surely that’s Kyle Walker

 

[DJ NOBO]

This is outside the remit of the opening post, but one of the most exciting, spine tingling pieces of sports commentary I have heard was the TMS coverage of the last hour of Ben Stokes'/ Jack Leach's final wicket stand at Headingley in 2019.

Test Match Special commentary is, or at least was, the pinnacle of sports commentary

 

[Blinkers]

MotD, Ian Wright analysing a Wolves goal. “… and Wan curves it in there… lovely’. Background titters from Shearer and Lineker. I do believe they deliberately contrived to get live swearing on TV. The producer must’ve been livid!

 

[DJ NOBO]

Several years ago one of Oxford United’s junior players scored the winner in a vital cup shoot out.

The radio oxford commentator said:

“90 pounds a week, they pay him…..they’ll have to give him a pay rise”.

Maybe not up there with the best of Motson but it always stuck in my head.

 

[The Mole]

“One nil” from David Coleman when the ball misses the goal - not sure if that’s the best or worst though - definitely entertaining

 

[Han Solo]

Swedish expert commentator calling Jose Mari (former Spanish international known for his diving) "more Mari than José". Not something you can say in Swedish tv and the expert commentator didn't get more gigs after that... but it was pretty funny and rather accurate.

 

[Norman Potting]

Maggie Thatcher can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher, Maggie Thatcher, your boys took a hell of a beating.!!

....I think Winston Churchill featured as well

 

[lawros left foot]

Not football, and not a commentator but, I was once watching a Gillette cup cricket match between Somerset and Surrey, when during a quiet bit, a lone voice from the crowd said in a broad West Country accent “ Here, you in the green coat, I’d like to f**k your Missus”

Unfortunately, before the days of being able to rewind tvs, but very funny at the time.

 

[Weststander]

Storer, Stuart Storerrrrrrrrrrr

Yep, forever goosebumps. Who was the commentator?

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Maggie Thatcher can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher, Maggie Thatcher, your boys took a hell of a beating.!!

In my life time this is the best.

 

[Whitechapel]

Always annoys me when commentators say there’s ironic cheers from the crowd. Almost always sarcastic, not ironic.

 

[T.G]

Worst ever error
Asa Hartford a whole hearted player.

His stumbling clarification after made it even better

 

[Happy Exile]

Just about every line in this is the best.

 

[Zawn Kellys]

Storer, Stuart Storerrrrrrrrrrr

This!

 

[tigertim68]

Yep, forever goosebumps. Who was the commentator?

Jim proudfoot now a commentator on talksport

 

[Is it PotG?]

Jonathan Pearce, after a Sheringham goal…….. ‘Ready, Steady Teddy’.

I ask you……..

 

[Not Andy Naylor]

As has been said here, the best commentary finds the right words for the occasion and conveys the excitement of the moment (Millard\s 'The crowd goes mad, we go mad" at Hereford).

So the worst piece of commentary has to be David Coleman's leaden words as Kevin Keegan scored the opening goal of the 1974 FA Cup Final against Newcastle. Two noisy sets of fans, a huge event, and what was then the only live club game shown on TV,. The goal itself was a stunning strike as Keegan flicked the ball up and volleyed it in from the edge of the penalty area.

The best Coleman could manage? "Goals pay the rent, and Keegan does his share." What Banal, ill-judged, unworthy of the big stage.

 

[Nicky Rust Fan Club]

Oliver Kahn, more like Oliver can't

Mark Lawrenson during half time of England 5-1 Germany in 2001

has always stuck in my mind