Uneventful situations which cause a KERFUFFLE in the work place

[Lankyseagull]

A random selection currently doing the rounds in my office:

Secret Santa was capped at £10 but did state there was no minimum spend! This is causing all sorts of financial discussion and claims that certain tightwads will be off to the 99p shop. I don't give a fuq.

Somebody refused to buy cakes because it was his birthday, he is being roundly pilloried by all the fat bastards in the office. I don't give a fuq.

Someone has announce they are pregnant, the whole work ethic of every female has simultaneously collapsed and the men are looking around bemused. I don't give a fuq.

There is a pattern emerging I think.

Yes there is - you don't give a fuq!

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Where I used to work in a design studio a coworker had a full on eppy into a big box full of gluey bits of plastic and acetate, there was a massive cardboard box on its side in the middle of the studio with this blokes legs thrashing around in it a bits of crap flying EVERYWHERE. Everyone just carried on working like nothing had happened. I was sat there just GAWPING at this...eventually he just got up with all this shit stuck in his hair and all over his clothes, ot back on his chair and carried on the conversation where he left off.

It was an almost daily occurrence apparently.

 

[jevs]

The squirrels have just eaten around 40,000 newly planted spring flowering bulbs in Preston Rockery !!!!

 

[Springal]

I am going out with my TEAM and 3-4 people from a company we have a global partnership with. Bit of back slapping for a good year etc. Had to keep numbers to just our team, due to budget, and the fact other teams are 1) lightweights 2) boring 3) annoying.

This has been found out, with emails going to the MD about it being a 'TEAM' effort, and how it is unfair, we are taking credit for the success, bla bla bla. So that has caused a massive meltdown and division.

The second is around some audits going on. One is around our 'Support Operation', which the Support Manager is saying he should not be doing the process or audit paperwork, as it is a 'Commercial' thing to keep our partnership.... I just keep sending him the forms with the date / company name filled in which is annoying him massively.

Gotta laugh really, and I'll be sure to fill Facebook up with photos from next weeks shindigs

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

In the States every April they have a nice little earner called Administrative Professionals Day. When you are supposed to buy the admin staff some kind of gift in appreciation of them basically doing the job they are paid to do. As the day approaches all the usual hints are dropped. Of course all the Brits refuse to contribute anything.

I’m sure at some stage in the future it will migrate across the pond to Blighty, if it hasn’t already.

 

[daveinprague]

I didnt bring cake into work on my 'name day'

 

[Fef]

Being self employed, I am once again holding my company's Christmas do in the telephone box at the end of the street.

I do not miss the office politics one little bit.

 

[dragonred]

Being self employed, I am once again holding my company's Christmas do in the telephone box at the end of the street.

I do not miss the office politics one little bit.

what drives me absolutely nuts as an owner is when I need to buy a staff member something new to replace broken/worn out thing - anything from a pen, a PC, a book etc etc etc - as soon as that arrives every single other member of staff then goes silent, refuses to speak for 24 hours (no bad thing) and then I get the inevitable stroppy/demanding "I need one of them", mine's been broken ages" (funny I think as never mentioned before), "it's not fair you treated them better than me"!! The best so far was you got X a new printer, I need one, mine's broken...quick check and they had taken the fuse out of plug so what was a perfectly good machine would not switch on!!!! 99/100 times I breath deep and ignore but that 1/100 when think **ck it, I am saying something is so pleasurable with the "why don't you just do one".... probably disastrous in front of a Tribunal but oh so pleasurable at the time and touch wood, so far most have realised bluffs been called and forgotten about it quickly!

 

[Flex Your Head]

I used to be a manager on the ‘Evening Workforce’ for a large insurance company in Hove. A lot of our staff would come in at 5.00 or 5.30 and work through till 9.00, sharing the desks that the day teams used. Being a manager, I’d get in at 1.00 and the amount of (generally jokey) vitriol that was directed my way from the day teams was ridiculous. But I’d often overhear such bitchy crap as:

“I couldn’t find my pen this morning thanks to those Thieving Workforce bastards.”
“Yeah, one of them left some rubbish in my bin. Wankers.”

Woe betide anyone who left plastic cup from the water dispenser on a desk overnight; a furious email reminder would inevitably follow.

 

[Napper]

When I worked in an office the swapping of chairs used to cause an absolute uproar. Like there had been a mass murder or something.

On occasions when alone and working late used to spend a good 15 mins changing chair heights , swapping chairs etc etc

Chaos at 9am !

 

[Norman Potting]

I used to be a manager on the ‘Evening Workforce’ for a large insurance company in Hove. A lot of our staff would come in at 5.00 or 5.30 and work through till 9.00, sharing the desks that the day teams used. Being a manager, I’d get in at 1.00 and the amount of (generally jokey) vitriol that was directed my way from the day teams was ridiculous. But I’d often overhear such bitchy crap as:

“I couldn’t find my pen this morning thanks to those Thieving Workforce bastards.”
“Yeah, one of them left some rubbish in my bin. Wankers.”

Woe betide anyone who left plastic cup from the water dispenser on a desk overnight; a furious email reminder would inevitably follow.

I am really getting a bit nostalgic for all this sort of thing (yes, really!).

 

[chrissyboy01]

Someone in my office is a bit OCD about germs, so if anyone sneezes or coughs he drops what he's doing and leaves the room for a few minutes

Great sickness record but near zero productivity?

 

[Flex Your Head]

This is one of my all time favourite emails. It was distributed to all employees where I work - FTSE100 company, about 450 staff in this office:

Afternoon All,

Has anyone taken a green apple from the fridge?
As I placed one in there this morning and now its gone.
Who ever has taken it; can you please give it back or replace it.

I can’t believe I have placed something in the fridge and someone has helped themselves to it! Surely you would have known if you’d put it in there in the first place!

The composition and content are just awesome!

 

[Nibble]

Last place I was employed by me and a friend were always left to organise Christmas Do's which was great becasue apart from a secret santa there was no cheesy forced entertainment just a good meal and a piss up. It helped that on the whole the people that worked there were good folk and thankfuly we didn't refer to ourselves as "a team". Now, working for myself I rarely go to any work partys. Ocassionaly I'll be working near Christmas and go out with people from whatever job it is but I can take it or leave it.

 

[Badger]

Absolute DISASTER in my office this morning, there are no teabags (apart from decaf which doesn't count), I think I should be allowed to go home.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

Absolute DISASTER in my office this morning, there are no teabags (apart from decaf which doesn't count), I think I should be allowed to go home.

You're being denied your BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

 

[Badger]

You're being denied your BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

Exactly, and the situation is made worse by the fact it's a MONDAY and I spent the weekend on a STAG DO.

 

[pasty]

When I worked in an office the swapping of chairs used to cause an absolute uproar. Like there had been a mass murder or something.

On occasions when alone and working late used to spend a good 15 mins changing chair heights , swapping chairs etc etc

Chaos at 9am !

"ChairGate" happened in my office recently too. I returned from a week off skiing, and when I got to the office, my chair wasn't at my desk. Apparently it had disappeared overnight a few nights before (we're a 24x7 print bureau) and hadn't been seen since. HR had got involved and were investigating the incident by trawling through the CCTV coverage to find the culprit for disciplinary procedures.

I just went to a spare hot desk and took a different chair.

 

[nail-Z]

This is one of my all time favourite emails. It was distributed to all employees where I work - FTSE100 company, about 450 staff in this office:

Afternoon All,

Has anyone taken a green apple from the fridge?
As I placed one in there this morning and now its gone.
Who ever has taken it; can you please give it back or replace it.

I can’t believe I have placed something in the fridge and someone has helped themselves to it! Surely you would have known if you’d put it in there in the first place!

The composition and content are just awesome!

An APPLE. In the FRIDGE?!

 

[RupertsFlan]

We have a major HR situation brewing as a male worker has just just dropped a colossal log - IN THE LADIES!

I really worry whether two of the dorises in the office will actually get through this - they are apoplectic - and the immortal 'Human Rights' line has been uttered.

The chap was unable to gain access to the gents as it was fully staffed - in terror for his trousers he simply evacuated his bowels in the first cubicle he could gain entry to which was in the ladies. The doris making the bigges fuss was not in the toilet - nor has she been in the toilet since.

She is so angry on someone elses behalf that is not getting as angry as she thinks they should.

The chap who dropped his excess does not seem to care - he is sitting very serenely and with a peaceful look on his face at his desk.

I am following events with interest