[Misc] Things that you've done that could have killed you, making you die to death

[Lindfield23]

Fighting a guy who pulled a gun on me at work.
Fighting a pikey who was trying to stab my neck with a screwdriver. He took a few good goes at my knee cap too before I got him restrained. At work.
Countless knives and needles pulled on me. At work.

Moral of the story: don't work as a steward in the Holmesdale Road Stand on matchdays

 

[Madafwo]

I once rode down Fairview Rise in Westdene on my bike without brakes, just as a Jeep was coming up it. Anyone that knows the road will know its got cars parked down one side permanently so barely wide enough for one car coming up it and its fairly steep, no bike helmet either, apart from the one riding it.

I also drove back from the United FA Cup game shortly after the beast from the east hit the UK, I remember not being over taken the whole way down only to come on here and read about some maniac over taking everyone on the way back.

 

[Tyrone Biggums]

Picking up Tiger and Brown snakes by the tail.

 

[Timbo]

I was hurtling down the Bolivian Death Road on a mountain bike near La Paz, and rounded a hairpin to be confronted with a lorry coming the other way and a very high precipice with about 1.5 metres leeway in between. I was buzzing my tits off but the friend I was with semi bollocked me for my recklessness, and you do see crosses on the side of the road where people have come a cropper

Same as this but didn't meet a lorry, I was distracted by a hummingbird and wasn't paying attention. The most exciting thing I've ever done.

 

[zefarelly]

Like a rear tyre blow out on the way home from a match in Gillingham

Funny you mention that, we were talking about it the other week.

My old Green MK1 Capri! It did go pop alright, shredded!

 

[blue'n'white]

Had had quite a few drinks and went for a pee in the loo in a bar
Standing at the urinal and felt my feet slipping so grabbed on to the nearest thing which was the pipe holding the cisten which fell off and smashed inches away from me - water and shards of porcelain everywhere. I walked out of the gents looking like I had been swimming in my clothes. Luckily the bar staff were quite understanding about it.

 

[Fred Oliver - Legend]

Train surfing

 

[Hampden Park]

Was Casualty Evacuated (CASEVAC) from Portugal in a Hercules after bowel surgery. I was placed in a stretcher inside the main hold. luckily for me, the crabfat Warrant Officer came and spoke to me to ask how I was. I explained my predicament and informed him I was fully of gas (blockage in my bowel). He disappeared like a racing snake and run up to the pilot. He returned and told me that they would be keeping the aircraft pressure at 1,000ft because if it were kept to normal, I would have exploded as we went higher!!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Just going to Australia basically. Sharks, snakes, spiders, you name it, they got it in for you. Even got warned not to go swimming once because there were bluebottles. Well, there's one danger I confidently laughed in the face of. Tho I only learned after my refeshing swim that Down Under a bluebottle is not a slightly annoying fly normally found buzzing around cowpats like it is in the Northern Hemisphere, but a close relative of the Portuguese Man o' War jellyfish. Sake!

 

[zefarelly]

For my vintage you used to have “one shot or two” of two stroke oil into the tank when filling with petrol. An oil pump would have been one bit of tech too many for me!
I had a few scrapes - I went over the handlebars once when trying to stop after a car slammed it’s brakes on down the dip near the fire station on Old Shoreham road = I had to broadside into it or I would have wrecked the front forks. Got away with a cot on my wrist and a dented side panel.

Couple of years ago I was on my way home from the MOT station ( with a pass) on my old Lambretta, doing about 40, the front wheel locked, the hub back plate shattered wound the cables round and jammed the break on, the front dived, skidding, somehow I managed to hang on, and didn't go over the bars. happened so quickly surrounded by cars on thew Old Shoreham Rd.

Had a front blow out on the A259 with an artic lorry up my chuff way back, stopped in the middle of the road, kept it upright. truck thundered past . quite scary.

heat seized loads of times, ALWAYS ride with fingers on the clutch.

 

[Poojah]

Couple of years ago I was on my way home from the MOT station ( with a pass) on my old Lambretta, doing about 40, the front wheel locked, the hub back plate shattered wound the cables round and jammed the break on, the front dived, skidding, somehow I managed to hang on, and didn't go over the bars. happened so quickly surrounded by cars on thew Old Shoreham Rd.

Had a front blow out on the A259 with an artic lorry up my chuff way back, stopped in the middle of the road, kept it upright. truck thundered past . quite scary.

heat seized loads of times, ALWAYS ride with fingers on the clutch.

Ever thought about buying a car?

 

[Couldn't Be Hyypia]

I ate a meat pie, away at Oldham, right back in the day.

Me too. Don't remember the game but I do remember the plastic pitch. No meat in that pie: gistle, watery gravy and cardboard. 'Orrible.

 

[zefarelly]

Ever thought about buying a car?

I have 4 thanks

2016 I raced this beauty at LeMans ( classic) It wasn't my car, On our way to a rather good finish, I did a 540 disco spin at 90 mph through the Porsche curves

very squeaky bum . . . . luckily I didn't hit anything.

 

[zefarelly]

Me too. Don't remember the game but I do remember the plastic pitch. No meat in that pie: gistle, watery gravy and cardboard. 'Orrible.

I ate multiple road kill burgers on the east terrace, not all at onece, or I WOULD BE VERY DEADED INDEED!

 

[dejavuatbtn]

Couple of years ago I was on my way home from the MOT station ( with a pass) on my old Lambretta, doing about 40, the front wheel locked, the hub back plate shattered wound the cables round and jammed the break on, the front dived, skidding, somehow I managed to hang on, and didn't go over the bars. happened so quickly surrounded by cars on thew Old Shoreham Rd.

Had a front blow out on the A259 with an artic lorry up my chuff way back, stopped in the middle of the road, kept it upright. truck thundered past . quite scary.

heat seized loads of times, ALWAYS ride with fingers on the clutch.

Ah, the joys! Not life threatening by a long chalk, but I got caught in a hailstorm riding down West Street once - stopped at the lights, holding the handlebars whilst being peppered.
Did come off turning left and the front wheel hit some old shiny cobblestones inconveniently placed across the road.
I found the biggest problem was doing bends at speed where you have little control if something came tight to the middle of the road the other way.

 

[zefarelly]

Ah, the joys! Not life threatening by a long chalk, but I got caught in a hailstorm riding down West Street once - stopped at the lights, holding the handlebars whilst being peppered.
Did come off turning left and the front wheel hit some old shiny cobblestones inconveniently placed across the road.
I found the biggest problem was doing bends at speed where you have little control if something came tight to the middle of the road the other way.

cruising north through Whineham on a LAmbretta with a sidecar . . . . I needed to go Left, but the whole thing started coming up off the ground, and proceeded in a straight line, car coming the other way . . . . I literally threw myself intro the sidecar, and thereby learned how to make a sidecar handle! scary things.

 

[Official Old Man]

Supporting the Albion away in the 70's. Cardiff comes to mind.

 

[BigBod]

Getting shot at by the Argies!

 

[Poojah]

I have 4 thanks

2016 I raced this beauty at LeMans ( classic) It wasn't my car, On our way to a rather good finish, I did a 540 disco spin at 90 mph through the Porsche curves

very squeaky bum . . . . luckily I didn't hit anything.

View attachment 131171

Fair play, that's incredibly cool.

I once did a corporate day at the Palmer Sports race track in Bedford and got to drive a Le Mans style car that day. I'm assuming it was somewhat less powerful than the real thing but it was still absolutely rapid and way beyond my natural driving ability - I managed to pull off at least a couple of pretty spectacular spins.

It was brilliant and terrifying in equal measure - just total adrenaline overload. I was shaking like a dog shitting snowballs for some time. I gained a new respect for racing drivers and the limits they push; incidentally they shared the telemetry from our cars which overlaid our performance with that of a professional driver and it was remarkable how much slower we were going and how much earlier we were braking.

 

[Giraffe]

Off the top of my head in rough chronological order:

- Getting shot at whilst sat on a bus going through Whitehawk
- Driving up a snowbound steep incline with a sheer drop on one side and having no traction was very scary.
- Having a head on road traffic accident - fortunately I was in the bigger car
- Drilling through a wire
- Sawing through a cable whilst trimming a hedge - done three times, before I bought a cordless version
- And as recently as Saturday falling on to and grabbing to break my fall an electric fence

Just call me Mr Bump.