[Humour] Things that kids have said that made you laugh out loud

[Icy Gull]

Lying on the beach in Spain my 5 or 6 year old son, stood over me looking at my thinning hair and said “Dad, why’s your head growing through your hair?”

The same holiday that he walked past a butchers and said, “ooh look a pealed rabbit “

We also told him about El Cid and the Arabs when we were driving up to Guadalest. When we got there he asked “Where is Elsie and her arrows?”

 

[Eeyore]

I can remember a few of mine, not least my bizarre argument with a teacher that 'Messerschmitt' was spelt 'WH Smith'...

Of course, my best one was at the age of 5 when my teacher gave a classmate a series of sums that all added up to 10. I asked her to do the same for me and couldn't understand why she said that defeated the object.

 

[gripper stebson]

When picking up my daughter from nursery school a few years back her and her friend Holly were playing the 'opposites game'. So she was Holly and Holly was her etc.... you get the idea.

When I went to hold my daughter's hand to cross the road she pulled away and said, "get off - you're not even my real dad."

Much amusement among the gaggle of other parents. Little git!

 

[ozzygull]

When my daughter was a toddler, we were explaining that she is a little girl, I am a big girl/woman and daddy is a big boy/Man

When she went to nursery they were asking the children what their parents names were. So they asked my daughter what her mummy calls her daddy., She said "Big Boy"

When I went to pick her up, all the nursery staff were smilling at me, I was a bit confused untill they explained

 

[chickens]

Me (stubbing my toe): Dammit!
4yo: Daddy! That’s rude!
Me: Sorry son.
4yo: Say ‘f***ing hell’

 

[GT49er]

One of mine came home from school and told us that the day's story was about Snow White and her wicked step-ladder................

 

[Normal Rob]

My Daughter, about 3 at the time, on seeing a car double parked along our busy road...

'That's right, f*** it up for everyone'

and, a little less rude, about a year later she stormed upstairs shouting (after not being allowed more sweets)...

'I hate you dad, you've ruined my life'

 

[Icy Gull]

The four year old daughter of a friend on announcing she needed the loo “Miss, Miss I need a piss”

 

[beorhthelm]

wish i wrote them down, i tend to forget. a recurrent one is when he has a melt down, usually over something trivial, and i cant stop laughing. which of course makes it worse.

recently he proposed heaven would be like call center, with thousands of operators answering prayers, then proceeded to imitate someone taking the call and putting them on hold. that had me laughing for some time.

 

[BN9 BHA]

I was driving with my youngest son who was about 5 at the time, there was a chap walking along the pavement that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the rock band Whitesnake. The boy said “look daddy a man with ladies hair”

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

My youngest said once that when he grew up "he wanted to be a midget".

Still makes me chuckle, and hes almost 17 now.

 

[Beanstalk]

Visited a friend and on arrival was met with a child in tears (probably about 5), when asked what was wrong he wailed, "I'VE LOST MY MARBLES".

He had let them roll under the sofa but as there were no actual marbles in sight everyone thought he'd just gone a bit mad.

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

This always makes me laugh...classic

 

[Binney on acid]

I remember my brother when he was a kid seeing a block of flats out of the car window, and saying, "theres a flock of blotz".

 

[Worried Man Blues]

On the bald subject, dad was giving me a lift on his shoulders, I rubbed his forehead then the top of his head and said ' you've got a lot of that up there!'
My cousin had a new rifle for christmas, he had a peanut in his hand and was looking at the barrel end of the gun. We knew what he was thinking and said don't put the peanut in the barrel. Of course that was the very thing he did, couldn't get it out, turned to all of us and said 'oos gor a long fin fing'

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

I have a note on my phone with some things my daughter said aged 3.

"Legend says a badger always has a bucket of water at Asda.....and it always sinks"

"I'm simply the best as shareability"

"Daddy. I have to say I really like this park. It's got lots and lots of lovely drains"

"Daddy, there's a problem with Pango my invisible friend"
Me: "Oh right, what's that?"
"Well, I've lost him"

"Dave. Dave, come back here immediately and sing me a lullaby".
I'm not called Dave.

When walking in a field:
"Daddy, did you know I've been in here a lot. That's why I'm an expert in this field"
I still don't know if she meant it how it came out but it was great.

-She is now 5 and we have a 1 year old boy, so her main topic is why me and the boy have certain differences between her and mum....

 

[Ding Dong !]

When my mum passed away 10 years ago we set the plans in place for her funeral, which was to be a cremation. On the lead up, my 4 year old daughter was asking when were we going to Nana's BBQ !

 

[Ooh it’s a corner]

Many years ago my autistic 6 year old son was kicking a ball in the playground after school(his mum worked there). He kicked it onto a low roof and went to ask the friendly caretaker if he’d get it back for him.
caretaker: what’s the magic word?
son: abracadabra

 

[Pogue Mahone]

 

[Whitechapel]

When my daughter was a toddler, we were explaining that she is a little girl, I am a big girl/woman and daddy is a big boy/Man

When she went to nursery they were asking the children what their parents names were. So they asked my daughter what her mummy calls her daddy., She said "Big Boy"

When I went to pick her up, all the nursery staff were smilling at me, I was a bit confused untill they explained

This reminds me of the time when I was 6 or 7 years old and my mum told me it was her 21st birthday. I went to school and told my teachers that I was going out for dinner after school for my mums 21st birthday. When my mum came to pick me up after school they told her what I had said and they both had a good laugh which didn’t make sense to me.

She was 36.