[Travel] The worst hotel you've ever stayed in

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Not the worst, I’m sure, but very unusual. We stayed in a “lodge” on Spurwing Island on Lake Kariba in Zimbabwe. The lodge consisted of four walls containing a bedroom and bathroom with an unattached thatched roof leaving a gap at the top of the walls. The bed had a mosquito net, but if you turned the light on in the night the walls were alive with all manner of insects and lizards making a dash for the gap at the top. At least that island had a fence surrounding it to keep the crocodiles and hippopotami out.

 

[Doonhamer7]

I did site visits for large dams project in Ethiopia, stayed in Government hotel in post communist Ethiopia in early 90s - room was covered in splatted mosquitos - and they were really bloody splats, I had no mosquito net - what a night. No running water, toilet was a long drop (made me constepated even thinking of using it), no shower that I could see. Power went on in town for only 4 hours a day. I’m sure the bed was actually moving from whatever was alive in it. Should have slept in my land cruiser or bought a tent. And as for food.....well fermented pancake and some form of goat stew....

 

[Cowfold Seagull]

Until twelve years ago l was making regular trips to Uganda to do charity work, on each of these occasions, and because it was cheap, (the charity footed the bill), I was 'treated' to a night at the 'Fly Motel' near Entebbe Airport, before l flew home.

Aptily named, the whole place was infested with them, cockroaches and other assorted vermin too. On all but two occasions the electricity was never working, and if you needed to leave in the early hours of the morning to catch a flight, as l invariably did, the place was a death trap, trying to negotiate your way down to the lobby in pitch darkness was an accident waiting to happen.

Health and safety would have blown a gasket if it had been in this country., the experiences l had there made for great after dinner stories though!

 

[Weststander]

The Sun Gezgin, Marmaris, Turkey.

The "pool" was about the size of a snooker table, filled with green murky water. Nobody went in it. Ever. In the evenings, they'd put a wooden cover over it and arrange some tables and chairs on the top, as there was barely any more room there for anyone to sit outside. Some of the staff slept outdoors on a moth-eaten sofa at the back of the hotel outside the kitchen. The lift was so small, crushingly slow, ancient and rickety (one of those ones you pull the cage across on). You couldn't fit more than 4 people inside, or no more than 2 with 1 suitcase. Which meant various return journies just to get your luggage upstairs. The room was utter shithouse, stained walls and ceilings, cracked tiles in the bathroom, randomly intermittent hot water.

All that on top of the fact that I hate hate HATED Marmaris with a passion. Its basically a giant West Street, stuffed to the rafters with swivel-eyed heavily tattooed goons, slags, yobbos, cretins, wastrels all lurching around day and night pissed as farts and off their tits on ketamine. I could not get away from the place quick enough. The missus dropped us into the middle of this living nightmare because the (photoshopped) pics of the hotel right on the beachfront looked nice, she thought. Thats the last time I've EVER lazily just left a booking to her with an "I don't mind love, just somewhere hot".

With the Sun Gezgin at the epicentre of a strategic strike, they should just napalm that entire hellhole out of existence and start again.

Love your witty middle paragraph about the town. Reminds of the hilarious scathing reports on tripadvisor.

 

[luppers]

Nooo, I won't have that. There's a place in Eastbourne...

Wouldn't be a hotel near the theatres run by a female Basil Fawlty ?

 

[Giraffe]

I don't remember the name, but it was in Munich for the 2006 world cup.

1) It stunk
2) It was a twin room, but the room was so small the beds were uncomfortbly close and my mate stunk.
3) the toilet stunk
4) the toilet just allowed your your shite to sit there looking at you, same with my mates, his stunk.
5) I'm not convinced the bed linen was ever washed, before, during or after our visit. It stunk.
6) All the above to watch Portugal v France in the Semi Final because we lost to winking Ronaldo in the quarter final
7) I dropped and broke my camera on the first day taking my first picture in the square in Munich. - not strictly the hotels fault but it left a bad feeling and meant I could not evidence all of the above, not that the camera could pick up the stench I suppose.
8) They spoke German
9) Have I mentioned the stink?

 

[Icy Gull]

I don't remember the name, but it was in Munich for the 2006 world cup.

1) It stunk
2) It was a twin room, but the room was so small the beds were uncomfortbly close and my mate stunk.
3) the toilet stunk
4) the toilet just allowed your your shite to sit there looking at you, same with my mates, his stunk.
5) I'm not convinced the bed linen was ever washed, before, during or after our visit. It stunk.
6) All the above to watch Portugal v France in the Semi Final because we lost to winking Ronaldo in the quarter final
7) I dropped and broke my camera on the first day taking my first picture in the square in Munich. - not strictly the hotels fault but it left a bad feeling and meant I could not evidence all of the above, not that the camera could pick up the stench I suppose.
8) They spoke German
9) Have I mentioned the stink?

A pedant writes - stank not stunk (I think?)

 

[Pinkie Brown]

Easy choice for me. A Bed & Breakfast a group of us stayed for two nights in Skegness before the Grimsby relegation game in 2003. I forget the name, but as a few Albion fans were there, somebody might read this & remember - although it's somewhere most would wish to forget. Where to start.....

The owner & four generations of his family, from old granny to baby were all living there. All appeared dysfunctional oddballs. Okay, can't speak for the baby. Not suggesting there was a dodgy gene pool, but the family surname was Humber.

The whole place was a dump. Musty & dusty rooms. Four of us in a 'family room' that was a little bigger than a large cupboard. Mattress on a bunk about the depth of a slice of bread. Bedding appeared circa 1950's.

Some permanent guests that were obviously down on their luck. One of them, the owner had kicked his wife out the previous week and she hadn't been seen since. The husband didn't seem too concerned. Nobody dared asked why she was booted.

The breakfast was cack. Everything the cheapest of cheapest no name brands.

The grand finale; Being woken at 4am by a loud commotion. A 'regular guest' had apparently rolled in drunk, crashed out & left a tap running with water gushing through the ceiling into the downstairs area & the landing outside.

I won't name who made the booking, but he's now an employee of the club. I've forgiven him, but the mental scars may take longer to heal......

Plus 1 to the earlier poster who mentioned Worthing Travelodge. When back in the area visiting family a couple of years ago, I stayed there for the first time. There will NEVER be a second....

 

[Weststander]

Before tripadvisor, in 1998 we used the Rough Guide book to select a highly rated hotel in the centre of Amsterdam for a week, just off of Dam square (NOT in the book’s budget category). All paid for up front.

It was clean and trendy looking, but we were the only non-junkies. I’m not talking about the proverbial weed. Noisy too.

The morning after the first night there, we went round the city asking hotel after hotel if they had a spare room. Eventually we found a decent hotel by beautiful Vondelpark, by the amazing museums and galleries.

I went back to the heroin dump and lied that we had to rush back to the UK due to a bereavement, and in fairness they gave a full pro data refund.

Leaving 6 brilliant days in an amazing part of the World.

 

[wellquickwoody]

The Bryn Artro in Llandedr on the west coast of Wales. We arrived to find the front door locked, we knocked and banged for a while then went and got a drink in a bar. We returned and finally roused a response, a Steptoe lookalike who invited us in. As we walked across the lobby our feet stuck to the decrepit looking tile surface. We climbed the pokey stairs surrounded by an all invasive smell of vomit. The room was dark, dingy, damp but strangely the bedlinen seemed clean, but also damp. We buggered off back to the pub for dinner and met another couple staying there. We exchanged opinions and they told us stories of broken toilets, biker hostilities and breakfast being served by scruffy looking folk with 'injecting scars' on their wrists and inner elbows. We returned to the gaff, slept in our clothes and left before breakfast. The hotel sported an AA **** Badge!

 

[cuthbert]

The Grand Burstin Hotel Folkestone. I booked by phone and arrived about 9.30 pm on a Friday night, there was entertainment on in the bar so the bouncers on the door insisted that only residents were allowed to enter and I must produce my key card. Since I had not yet checked in I hadn't got one and therefore did not qualify as a hotel guest, eventually I was accompanied to reception by two doormen and finally allowed t check in, the room was beyond tired and I had to attend for breakfast at 8.00am prompt, There was no choice except take it or leave it at breakfast and most of the guests decided on the latter. I only stayed for one night but some poor people had a week of it as they were on coach holidays, I complained in writing when I got home and received a letter which basically stated " we are sorry that you are a snob but all our other guests are and have been very happy" the ones I chatted to were not. I have stayed in a wide range of hotels in quite a few countries but everything in that place was bad and watch out for the additional charges, never ever go there.

 

[The red pepper kid]

the white horse inn , white horse lane Croydon---- 3 doors from smelhurst, no lights in the stairwell, bathroom or toilet , chubb lock hanging off the door , smoke detector hanging off ceiling-no battery , car park had been dug up at entrance, loads of broken windows, this was when we beat them 1-0 nil at theirs that night , I settled on £8 for the room. got changed watched the game and drove home

 

[Perry Milkins]

the white horse inn , white horse lane Croydon---- 3 doors from smelhurst, no lights in the stairwell, bathroom or toilet , chubb lock hanging off the door , smoke detector hanging off ceiling-no battery , car park had been dug up at entrance, loads of broken windows, this was when we beat them 1-0 nil at theirs that night , I settled on £8 for the room. got changed watched the game and drove home

Pedant bait taken...

It is a 10 minute walk to their ground?

 

[LowKarate]

I've stayed in a few shockers on island holidays, but then that goes with the territory.

Closer to home and only last year, I had the misfortune to stay in the Ibis Stalag Luft, Coventry South (near Jaguar Land Rover Factory).

It's an old holiday camp style of two-storey building with 'chalet' rooms. Facilities included:

1 x bed (hard).
1 x school-style stacking chair.
1 x handle-shaped hole in the wall behind the door.
1 x large expanse of carpet with no pile and plenty of ground in dirt.
1 x tiny TV, showing only repeats of Crossroads on ITV4 (I might have made up that last detail).

 

[pearl]

the white horse inn , white horse lane Croydon---- 3 doors from smelhurst, no lights in the stairwell, bathroom or toilet , chubb lock hanging off the door , smoke detector hanging off ceiling-no battery , car park had been dug up at entrance, loads of broken windows, this was when we beat them 1-0 nil at theirs that night , I settled on £8 for the room. got changed watched the game and drove home

My friend used to live near that dump .... they were burgled

 

[shingle]

Some of the stories are savage chaps. Interesting read

 

[afcb]

Queens Hotel, Bournemouth. The only time I left a booking to someone else. A dump, 1960’s rooms and we got no sleep due to noisy stag parties. Slagged off by hundreds of ex guests on tripadvisor, where the long term manager Daniel sarcastically fights back against every single one. The customer is most definitely not King at this dive.

Love this reply from 'Daniel' over someone complaining about the lack of a sea view.

" It is with much disappointment I read your comments.

I can see you arrived shortly after noon; we did not have enough time, unfortunately, before your bedroom was ready at 2pm to obliterate the building between us and the English Channel, thus permitting your sea view. "

 

[Cowfold Seagull]

The Grand Burstin Hotel Folkestone. I booked by phone and arrived about 9.30 pm on a Friday night, there was entertainment on in the bar so the bouncers on the door insisted that only residents were allowed to enter and I must produce my key card. Since I had not yet checked in I hadn't got one and therefore did not qualify as a hotel guest, eventually I was accompanied to reception by two doormen and finally allowed t check in, the room was beyond tired and I had to attend for breakfast at 8.00am prompt, There was no choice except take it or leave it at breakfast and most of the guests decided on the latter. I only stayed for one night but some poor people had a week of it as they were on coach holidays, I complained in writing when I got home and received a letter which basically stated " we are sorry that you are a snob but all our other guests are and have been very happy" the ones I chatted to were not. I have stayed in a wide range of hotels in quite a few countries but everything in that place was bad and watch out for the additional charges, never ever go there.

I've stayed at the Burstin on a few occasions prior to catching an early ferry to the continent. Whilst agreeing on everything you say, l have to admit to staying in much worse establishments.

 

[Brother Sid]

Pontins Prestatyn - slipped on a used condom outside chalet door and got a serious skin complaint to go with food poisoning

 

[Questions]

The Black Coffee Hotel in Chengdu, China. A former bomb shelter, it was built in underground vaulted rooms with no windows and no ventilation. Once inside you lost track of time, and you got periodically concussed by banging your head on the low ceilings. Humidity was around 100%, so everything you owned became permanently damp, and there was always moisture dripping off the mouldy walls. The passage to the communal showers involved walking on loose brick stepping stones across a flooded corridor and side-stepping the breaststroking rats. Once you got to the showers the walls were black with mould, and the shower 'water' was actually super-heated steam that left users with second-degree burns. The toilets were just a communal gutter with no running water where the turds got flushed away with a hose regularly once a day, whether they needed it or not.

I stayed there a week.

In Thailand I nominate the On On Hotel. Part of The Beach was filmed there - it was supposedly the place Leonardo di Caprio stayed in Bangkok, except that it was actually in Phuket Town. Just your standard Asian Chinese hotel (i.e walls that don't meet the floor or ceiling) but the infestation of cockroaches had to be seen to be believed - I'm talking THOUSANDS per room, rather than the odd one or two.

And many such cheap places in Asia double up as short-term brothels as well as hotels and rat, cockroach 'n' bedbug farms. There's nothing like coming back to your room and seeing the manager in the hall, peeking through the keyhole of the room next door, jerking himself off in time to the goings-on he was watching (that was in Baguio in the Philippines - fortunately I forget the name of the hotel).

Stayed in a lovely place in Gorkha, Nepal, where the floors were concrete, the walls bare breezeblocks, and the windows were just holes in the wall, no glass or anything.

This is just a post to brag about all the places you’ve been to...... why you upstart.