[Humour] The three best comedy lines

[DFL JCL]

What are you reading

Great expectations

Any good

It's not all that I'd hoped for.

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

 

[Comrade Sam]

I thought you knew where the erogenous zones were.
I know where the Himalayas are, but I've never been there either.

 

[WATFORD zero]

You shouldn't say things like that together, it could confuse a stupid person

I hear you're a racist now Father

Dan

 

[Lower West Stander]

I'd rather be a bus w*nker than drive round in that piece of yellow sh*t.

 

[pasty]

Burnley can **** off

 

[Eric the meek]

'I don't fancy yours much' - Anon. So many assumptions in so few words.

 

[maltaseagull]

Well … may I ask what you were hoping to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeeste sweeping majestically ??

I only said that piece of Halibut was good enough for Jehovah.


Someone's sitting there mate.

 

[aberllefenni]

All those that believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

 

[Trelford Mills Guide Dog]

‘Well normal procedure lieutenant is to leap 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a large area’.

‘If it's a girl they're calling her Sigourney after an actress, and if it’s a boy they’re naming him Rodney after Dave’.

‘Pretentious, moi ?’.

 

[jcdenton08]

“That was ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘Paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world.”




Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk

Nevertheless, nice song. It's 4:35 AM

 

[loz]

I open the gate and get the horn, step on the pavement and get the horn,

Everything gives me the horn except my wife Hilary.

Well she is a fxxxking ugly bitch.

 

[WATFORD zero]

And, what about best set up line before the really obvious punchline

'Cause Fanny means your arse over there'

 

[Postman Pat]

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust

saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels

 

[Lever]

'I've just come back from a 'once in a lifetime' holiday.....

Never again.....'

 

[Lever]

“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

 

[Lever]

and finally....

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
—Jack Handey