Seconded. Sheer genius.
Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
[Humour] The three best comedy lines
- Thread starter WATFORD zero
- Start date
Seconded. Sheer genius.
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Lord Percy
"Which arm is he missing ?"
"Which arm is he missing ?"
rogersix
Well-known member
- Jan 18, 2014
- 8,202
- Jul 10, 2003
- 27,766
- Thread starter
- #25
A late entrant from [MENTION=435]Stat Brother[/MENTION]
What did we get stuck in our rectums last year ?
What did we get stuck in our rectums last year ?
prawnsarnies
Well-known member
- Jan 20, 2010
- 1,111
Fork Andles !
Asking a Trotter what he knows about chandaliers, is like asking Mr Kipling how to bake a cake.
Asking a Trotter what he knows about chandaliers, is like asking Mr Kipling how to bake a cake.
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Alan Partridge, two questions:
"How are we going to eat, and what floor’s the restaurant on?
The answer is “The Chinese Way” and Level 42"
"How are we going to eat, and what floor’s the restaurant on?
The answer is “The Chinese Way” and Level 42"
“Morning, Super”
“Hello, Wonderful”
“Alan, you can’t”!
“You think you’re judge, jury and executioner”
“I don’t think I’m Judge Judy and executioner”
“Hello, Wonderful”
“Alan, you can’t”!
“You think you’re judge, jury and executioner”
“I don’t think I’m Judge Judy and executioner”
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
Vic and Bob at Swiss Toni's car sales...
He wants windows
That wind up
Then wind back down again.
He wants windows
That wind up
Then wind back down again.
Codner's Wallop
Well-known member
- Sep 11, 2013
- 1,431
Well for me, it’s difficult to look beyond one man, but here are three for starters:
I find it amazing how many people still think the petrol cap on a Ford Focus is offside rear
Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can’t put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?
Let me tell you something about the Titanic: people forget that on the Titanic’s maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg
I find it amazing how many people still think the petrol cap on a Ford Focus is offside rear
Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can’t put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?
Let me tell you something about the Titanic: people forget that on the Titanic’s maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg
prawnsarnies
Well-known member
- Jan 20, 2010
- 1,111
Thomas Tutchel thinking he should have had a stonewall Pen, nearly pissed myself.
Ought to be able to find a few here:-
Doctor: Do you suffer from any illnesses?
Fletcher: Bad feet.
Doctor: paid a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
Fletcher: only with me feet.
Doctor: are you now or have you been at any time a practising homosexual?
Fletcher: what with these feet - who’d have me.
Fletcher: Bad feet.
Doctor: paid a recent visit to a doctor or hospital?
Fletcher: only with me feet.
Doctor: are you now or have you been at any time a practising homosexual?
Fletcher: what with these feet - who’d have me.
Why the bloody hell do you want to buy jousting sticks?
Well, I figure they don’t come up all that often.
That is going straaaight to the pool room.
Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
I have an Uncle who does yoga.
I typed your symptoms into the internet, it says you may have online connectivity problems.
Well, I figure they don’t come up all that often.
That is going straaaight to the pool room.
Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
I have an Uncle who does yoga.
I typed your symptoms into the internet, it says you may have online connectivity problems.
Pavilionaire
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 31,262
2 from Partridge, One from Curb Your Enthusiam:
1. “If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”
2. “You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus.”
3. The family obituary in the newspaper that went wrong. “Cheryl's Dad: 'Devoted sister, beloved ****?!' That's what you put in the paper?!
Larry: This is a typo! It should be 'aunt!'”
1. “If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plow the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”
2. “You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus.”
3. The family obituary in the newspaper that went wrong. “Cheryl's Dad: 'Devoted sister, beloved ****?!' That's what you put in the paper?!
Larry: This is a typo! It should be 'aunt!'”
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
"Is this gonna take long, Blanco? Only my foot's gone to sleep and I'd like to catch it up..."
"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"
"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"
Dougal: “Didn’t you tell me once that Father Jack had a trial for Liverpool?”
Ted: “No… no, he was on trial, in Liverpool.”
Mrs Doyle: “Now come on Father, what would you say to a nice cup of tea?”
Father Jack: “FECK OFF CUP!”
Ted: “What was it Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them.”
Dougal: “A shower of B**tards.”
Ted: “No… no, he was on trial, in Liverpool.”
Mrs Doyle: “Now come on Father, what would you say to a nice cup of tea?”
Father Jack: “FECK OFF CUP!”
Ted: “What was it Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them.”
Dougal: “A shower of B**tards.”
The Lemming Stomper
Under the flag
.
Nurse check his penis, is it longer than mine?...No...Good
Miss, are you telling us absolutely everything? Not exactly. We're also out of coffee
May the benevolence of the God Shivoo bring blessings on your house.
And on yours.
And may his wisdom bring success in all your undertakings.
And in yours.
And may his radiance light up your life.
And up yours.
Nurse check his penis, is it longer than mine?...No...Good
Miss, are you telling us absolutely everything? Not exactly. We're also out of coffee
May the benevolence of the God Shivoo bring blessings on your house.
And on yours.
And may his wisdom bring success in all your undertakings.
And in yours.
And may his radiance light up your life.
And up yours.
studio150
Well-known member
"I don't mind giving a reasonable amount, but a pint! That's very nearly an armful!"
"...and if you tell that to the young people today, they won't believe you..."
"You are now to retire, as indeed should I, carefully to consider your verdict of "Not Guilty"
"...and if you tell that to the young people today, they won't believe you..."
"You are now to retire, as indeed should I, carefully to consider your verdict of "Not Guilty"