[Humour] The three best comedy lines

[WATFORD zero]

It'll be age dependant obviously, but I have just heard 'Don't tell him pike', so for me

1. I am playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order.

2. Don't tell him, Pike

and I was struggling for a third, so

3. Play it cool Trig, play it cool

 

[Guinness Boy]

"You started it"
"No I didn't"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland"

 

[WATFORD zero]

"You started it"
"No I didn't"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland"

I'm going to have to explain the rules

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

There are so many.
How about Peter Sellers (pink panther)

"Does you dog bite"
"No"
(Strokes the dog, dog snaps and snarls)
"I thought you said that your dog doesn't bite"
"That's not my dog"

2 more coming soon, dinners ready

 

[Guinness Boy]

I'm going to have to explain the rules

Write some more like.

I was quoting literally the perfect example of three perfect comedy lines. They just happened to follow each other

 

[rogersix]

............... "and this, my liege, is how we know the world to be banana shaped!"

 

[Is it PotG?]

"Cold? You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze."

Well that's the end of that thread.

 

[WATFORD zero]

'Yes you did, you invaded Poland'

or

'That's not my dog'

would have been sufficient (for me, anyway )

 

[dazzer6666]

Blackadder could fill all three spots…so many to choose.

 

[gripper stebson]

Not the exact rules but have been rewatching This Country over Christmas and have always loved this piece of writing.

"Look at old Arthur there laughing. He hasn't laughed since he was part of the bombing raid of Dresden. Now thats either because it was so harrowing that he hasn't laughed since, or it was the last thing that genuinely tickled him."

Superb.

 

[swindonseagull]

Four Candles

 

[Is it PotG?]

Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you ever done?

I'm not a pedo, and if I was, you'd be safe, you tubby, little, ginger cvnt

 

[Worried Man Blues]

1. you were only supposed to blow the doors off

2. what do you mean you can't swim the fall will kill you

3. Peace, oh shut up

 

[WATFORD zero]

I now know how [MENTION=988]Artois[/MENTION] felt trying to start Family Fortunes

 

[KZNSeagull]

"I am gorgeous, I am sex. Women want me and are willing to pay".
"Do we look like comedians? What do you call a man with his ding-a-ling in a piece of melon? Christopher. See what I mean? Now get the steaks amigo".
"It's Nicholas bloody Parsons!!"

Edit

And of course "Treat your kite like you treat your woman. Get inside her 5 times a day and take her to heaven and back"

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

'OK Baldrick if you want to play a game, rearrange the following into a simple sentence. Mouth. Sodding. Your. Shut.' (Blackadder)

'Nobody's dead, Dave' (Red Dwarf, 30 years after 'They're all dead, Dave'. I must admit welling up while laughing)

'I coughed so hard I blew my left testicle out my backside'. (Filthy, Rich and Catflap)

 

[WATFORD zero]

Not the exact rules but have been rewatching This Country over Christmas and have always loved this piece of writing.

"Look at old Arthur there laughing. He hasn't laughed since he was part of the bombing raid of Dresden. Now thats either because it was so harrowing that he hasn't laughed since, or it was the last thing that genuinely tickled him."

Superb.

Now that's genuinely tickled me

 

[The Rattler]

Tomato Ted, Aubergine Your, Potato Wife's, Turnip Dead


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[Brian Fantana]

It'll be age dependant obviously, but I have just heard 'Don't tell him pike', so for me

1. I am playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order.

2. Don't tell him, Pike

and I was struggling for a third, so

3. Play it cool Trig, play it cool

If you’re going to quote John Sullivan’s genius, at least get the line correct. You’ve paraphrased it there.

 

[clapham_gull]

“That was ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘Paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world.”




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