***The OFFICIAL Friday Night Penalty Prediction Thread***

[martin tyler]

0-0 the board goes up to indicate 1 extra minute. Eddie in his rage throws his drinks bottle on the floor causing shock waves to ripple across the pitch causing Matt Richie 50 yards away to go down. Obvious penalty and red card for the closest albion player. 1-0 defeat.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Bet Lovely Eddie has this one on his special coaching reel.

 

[The Andy Naylor Fan Club]

1st minute. Unable to detach from the group huddle B'muff decide to kick off and advance, a la rugby scrum style towards the Albion's box. So pleased with themselves at their cunning scheme they continue until inside the box, seeing the Albion players rolling on the floor in uncontrollable fits of laughter they seize their opportunity and as a group tumble over. Penalty awarded by Pawson against Albion for any one of 11 professional fouls that were committed.

 

[Geriatric Seagull]

In the fourteenth minute of added time at the end of the first half (somehow we've got that far without conceding) Stockdale catches the ball then shouts to the ref that it has gone down. Mr Superman Pawson tells him to bring the ball to him. He immediately sends off Stockdale for deliberate handball and awards a penalty, saying that the keeper had burst the ball with a dangerous weapon, a nail that had been thrown by a Bournemouth "supporter". The penalty is scored, Howe gives the referee a thumbs-up and it's half time!

 

[pasty]

2nd minute. B'muff corner. The corner is swung in towards the far post where Cook completely and utterly banjos Elphick. Pen. The penalty is saved by #BlameStockdale, but Pawson orders a retake and sends #BlameStockdale off for ungentlemanly conduct (preventing B'muff scoring).

Pawson does not allow a substitution to take place immediately, so Walton is prevented from coming on, leaving Calde to go in goal to face the penalty. The kick is retaken, Calde gets a hand to it but it goes in, and as Calde is an outfield player, he is also sent off for deliberate handball.

 

[MattBackHome]

44th minute.

Stockdale saves and holds smartly down to his left from a Ritchie piledriver from 30 yards. He springs up quickly, looks up and spies Inigo shaping to dart forward on the right wing in a quick break. He grits his teeth, paces forwards and releases the ball shaping to hoof towards the dugout. As he does so Wilson leaps in front of him at a distance of around 5 yards in the vain hope of charging down the ball. He misses however - there is no contact - and the ball flies out towards row L of West Lower.

Pawson immediately spots the denial of a clear goalscoring opportunity as well as a dangerously high boot, correctly dismisses Stockdale and awards Bournemouth TWO penalties to be served CONCURRENTLY. A second spot is painted to allow Kermogant and Arter to shoot at the same time.

Hughton goes to Plan B: "Play Lua Lua in goal" and Kazenga fails to keep either penalty out, despite getting fingertips to Arter's low attempt.

2-0 Bournemouth.

Pawson wisely and correctly spots Lua Lua's deliberate handball and dissent and sends him off too.

 

[skipper734]

Not a penalty per se.
The Muff keeper throws the ball to Cook who thunders down the field with Tommy on his inside ready to receive a pass, faced with this Dunky has some brain fade, momentarily thinking where's Coxy? Hearing the roars from most of the Elphick family from the North Stand, Dunkys brain fade gets worse, turning around and running at his own goal, just like the old days, after some slick inter-passing between the three, Dunk coolly slips it into the net passed the hapless Stockdale.( It's probably his fault.)
Dunky turns to the bench to see Nathan, Caldy and JFC jumping up and down in frustration, as they are the only ones here long enough to know what just happened.

 

[Gazwag]

So instead of the "handball" (used superbly on Monday when Stockdale caught the ball in the first half) are we shouting "penalty" every time one of their players touches the ball

 

[Simster]

With Albion enjoying their greatest performance of the season, we take the lead thanks to a Baldock wonderstrike in the 12th minute. "Pawsey" then sensationally denies Albion a clear second, claiming Calderon's fine close range finish did, in fact, not go into the goal, but went through the side netting. Goal kick lads.

Then, with Bumfluff pouring forward but getting nowhere, Matt Richie - in the 68th minute - will BELT the ball at Dunk's face, who is standing six yards outside the box. Dunk tries to put his hand in the way but fails and the whole ground sees the ball hit him squarely in the face. Pawsey gives a penalty for handball anyway, despite being six yards outside and despite the blood now pouring from Dunk's nose.

Yann Kermit tucks the ball away, and throws his shirt in with the 500 Bumfluff fans. And doesn't get booked for it. Lewis Dunk does though. Ref tells him "well you did it first " despite Dunk only wanting to replace his shirt because it was crimson from his nosebleed.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

With Albion enjoying their greatest performance of the season, we take the lead thanks to a Baldock wonderstrike in the 12th minute. "Pawsey" then sensationally denies Albion a clear second, claiming Calderon's fine close range finish did, in fact, not go into the goal, but went through the side netting. Goal kick lads.

Then, with Bumfluff pouring forward but getting nowhere, Matt Richie - in the 68th minute - will BELT the ball at Dunk's face, who is standing six yards outside the box. Dunk tries to put his hand in the way but fails and the whole ground sees the ball hit him squarely in the face. Pawsey gives a penalty for handball anyway, despite being six yards outside and despite the blood now pouring from Dunk's nose.

Yann Kermit tucks the ball away, and throws his shirt in with the 500 Bumfluff fans. And doesn't get booked for it. Lewis Dunk does though. Ref tells him "well you did it first " despite Dunk only wanting to replace his shirt because it was crimson from his nosebleed.

What utter, utter fantasy.

Baldock's injured still.

 

[theboybilly]

90+11 mins. Eddie Howe has been completely frustrated as Plans A-W i his cheating arsenal have been frustrated so decides to give Plan X a go. A carefully orchestrated melee brings play to a halt just outside the right of Albion's penalty area. The crowd have their gander up but in the ensuing kerfuffle Howe sends on, unnoticed, and extra man. In a Stockdale replica kit. Pawson and his two henchmen see it but decide to ignore it as they have other things to attend to. From the resulting free kick into the area said Stockdale doppleganger procedes to punch Cook full in the face (while the real Stockdale makes a superb catch) Again the Bournemouth players orchestrate a punch up during which time the fake goalie is ushered off the pitch under the not-so watchful eye of the fourth official. Penalty....and the obvious sending off of Stockdale.

 

[Blue Valkyrie]

90+11 mins. Eddie Howe has been completely frustrated as Plans A-W i his cheating arsenal have been frustrated so decides to give Plan X a go. A carefully orchestrated melee brings play to a halt just outside the right of Albion's penalty area. The crowd have their gander up but in the ensuing kerfuffle Howe sends on, unnoticed, and extra man. In a Stockdale replica kit. Pawson and his two henchmen see it but decide to ignore it as they have other things to attend to. From the resulting free kick into the area said Stockdale doppleganger procedes to punch Cook full in the face (while the real Stockdale makes a superb catch) Again the Bournemouth players orchestrate a punch up during which time the fake goalie is ushered off the pitch under the not-so watchful eye of the fourth official. Penalty....and the obvious sending off of Stockdale.

The problem with this is that albion have used all their subs, meaning that the god called Calderon has to go in goal. Naturally he saves the penalty.

 

[pasty]

The problem with this is that albion have used all their subs, meaning that the god called Calderon has to go in goal. Naturally he saves the penalty.

Calde has already been sent off. See post #25

 

[tinycowboy]

What utter, utter fantasy.

Baldock's injured still.

Precisely. Plus, refs are specifically advised NEVER to use a tu quoque proposition in their reasoning. Pawsey and Hoops included.

 

[GreersElbow]

What, actual contact? Are you MAD?

Yes, Joe Bennett will be in the mood for twisting the ends of his tache like a Victorian gentlemen. Which adds a further 0.0001mm to his width. In Ritchie terms, this actually an effective 1km.

Ritchie will feel contact every time Bennett turns around. Ritchie to the ordinary human being will look like he's being attacked by poltergeist.

 

[Stuart Munday]

Ever the optimist I'm going for a Brighton penalty unfairly given as none of our players were in the penalty area, this will be followed by five minute waiting for Colunga to take it before realising we don't have a penalty taker. After much debate Best will take the ball off of Calderon and become part of Amex history as the first player to blast a ball outside the ground.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Min: 3. Flat-footed headbanger of a challenge by Greer, possibly also resulting in a red card, to celebrate Bournemouth's first raid on our goal. Long old night after that.

 

[Stato]

91st minute. Calderon makes a challenge outside the Albion's penalty area. Its clean and the ball goes out for a corner. The ref thinks about giving a penalty, but this would seem old hat and he's not some kind of Hoop's tribute act.

Centre-backs come up for the corner and Tommy Elphick handles. The ref blows for an Albion free kick, but the lino flags explaining that in a previous match, a penalty had been given against Elphick when Steve Fletcher had handled and that it would only seem fair to even things out and give Elphick a penalty this time.

The ref agrees and, just so he has the full set, sends off a couple of Albion players for spending the whole game upsetting Nice Guy Eddie by trying to stop his team from scoring.

 

[pasty]

All joking aside, there is a certain inevitability that one of these posts is not going to be far from what actually happens. I'm almost quite glad I can't make it Friday and will just have satisfy myself going ape at the tv in the pub.

 

[Barrow Boy]

81st min, CMS is waiting patiently to come on as sub, as he lifts his right foot for the official to check his studs Eddie Howe drops to the floor in the technical area clutching his leg. The fourth official rushes to his aid and immediately informs Mr Pawson who sends CMS off before he even came on and, quite rightly, awards Bournemouth a penalty.