***The OFFICIAL Friday Night Penalty Prediction Thread***

[Simster]

I've re-read this thread a few times now and still haven't found one instance of this dubious penalty being given within 4 minutes of us taking a lead. Most people seem to be reaching for some fanciful notion of us leading for a while - sometimes as long as 20 minutes. Very odd.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

Minute 89.

After getting absolutely destroyed 5-0 and conceding precisely zero penalties, the desire to take home one shred of enjoyment from the game will result in a frustrated poster from this thread sprinting onto the pitch and making a disgracefully late challenge on Tommy Elphick (who has decided to have a go up front so he has a chance of actually seeing the ball.)

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Ritchie will feel contact every time Bennett turns around. Ritchie to the ordinary human being will look like he's being attacked by poltergeist.

I just laughed tea into my keyboard.

 

[Country Seagull]

17th minute: Eddie Howe will inform the 4th official that Plucky-Freescoring-Underdogs™ Bournemouth are yet to be given a single soft decision by the ref (this will be a lie). Pawsey, overhearing the Dorset heartthrob talking about him, will giggle, play with his pony-tails and go all red. Craig Mackail-Smith will then be flagged offside, allowing a penalty to be awarded to the Champions of England Elect™. Eddie will blow Pawson a kiss, causing him to go so weak at the knees that he will have to be stretchered off and replaced by none-other than Simon 'Hoops' Hooper himself.

After the game, someone on NSC will start a thread titled DEAR MR HUGHTON, asking why we let Glenn Murray go and what happened to the cup final money.

 

[MattBackHome]

84th Minute.

Pawson remains entranced with the looped jumbotron replays of Matt Ritchie stepovers and Eddie Howe smiling enigmatically and misses a cast-iron Albion penalty shout.

 

[Jim D]

It's the 85th minute and we have kept the score at 0-0 despite being down to 8 players for 83 of them (Stockdale, Dunk and Kayal being sent off for suggesting that Wilson dived for a free kick just when we were about to score). The ball is with Ritchie who plays it through to Wilson but it is too long and goes into the South Stand. Wilson goes over to collect it but falls over Walton's water bottle. 'As clear a pen as you'll ever see' says Howe and Pawson agrees.

 

[Everest]

Min: 3. Flat-footed headbanger of a challenge by Greer, possibly also resulting in a red card, to celebrate Bournemouth's first raid on our goal. Long old night after that.

Greer being on the pitch is worth a penalty anyway.
He's still suspended.

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

94th minute , Bournemouth have a free kick which is floated into the edge of the 18 yard box. Elphick puts his hand up and makes contact with the ball which results in six Bournemouth players running over to the assistant referee who convince him the hand that went up belonged to Rohan Ince. Penalty given after consultation with Pawson and the 4th official even though the offending hand was the wrong size and colour plus a yard outside the box.

 

[SurreySeagulls]

We win the toss and elect to defend the north stand as per normal. Pawsey gets the hump about this and promptly tells the teams to switch around. Stocko is now in front of the mass hoard of Boremuff fan and is pelted with an out of date baby bell. He falls to the ground clutching his face as claret pours from an open wound. Pawsey on the request of Evil Howe runs towards Stocko and show him a yellow card for spilling claret on his shirt, as he removes his shirt he promptly shows him a second yellow followed by a red. In the resulting confusion Callum 'bambi on ice' Wilson is felled by Seagull dropping as is swoops to the sound of Ring of Fire and Pawsey has no hesitation in showing a straight red card to Leon Best (thank Christ for that) and awards a penalty as he felt Best was impersonating a footballer. Yann Kermogant comfortable strokes the ball home to give Boremuff a deserved lead.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

74 mins. Penalty awarded to the away side to commemorate the 113th anniversary of the Titanic setting sail from Southampton on her maiden- and final- voyage. Harry Arter attempts to recreate the moment, albeit by going down considerably quicker, and after significantly less contact, than the ill-fated liner.

 

[Geoffish]

Tommy Elphick has gone up to the edge of the Brighton penalty area in the 87th minute with the scores 0-0 He jumps to head a loose ball on but leads with his arms. It is unclear if he hand balled it or not, and whether the incident was inside or outside the Brighton penalty area. Pawson awards the penalty to Bournemouth, knowing that Elphick has history of giving penalties away against Bournemouth for Brighton.
Eddie praises the ref in his post match interview, saying that doing research on repeat offenders allowed him to come to the correct decision.

 

[Acker79]

What happens when the penalty is saved, but because a centimetre of Stephen's boot is in the box, the penalty is taken again? Does the minute of the initial award win, or is it the time of the retake given? Or the third penalty given for no apparent reason after Stockdale saves the retake, too.

 

[The Wizard]

A cow finds his way into the stadium smelling the glorious pies his friends have no doubt died for, he wanders onto the hallowed turf, suddenly he locks eyes with Eddie Howe and immediately charges for the Bournemouth player near the half way line, the referee spots this - gives the cow his marching orders and awards the penalty to Bournemouth, he then proceeds to send off Stockdale for obstruction after he attempts to stop the spot kick.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Some good guesses so far. I'm going for the 45th minute, given for nothing at all. LITERALLY nothing. Just because.

 

[R. Slicker]

Half hour before kick off, it becomes apparent that the 4th official is stuck in traffic and is not going to make it. Luckily, Hoops has travelled on the Bournemouth team coach and fills in. After calling the Ref over to report 'off the ball incidents' twice and getting Halford and Kayal sent off. Brighton still look most likely to score.
In the 79th Minute the laxative that Hoops has put in the refs half time tea finally works and he sprints off holding his arse.
Hoops takes over just in time to see Calde kick the ball out for a corner, he points immediately to the spot and brandishes a Red card.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

65th minute, Bruno is tracking his winger back as he runs from the halfway line towards our penalty area....

Sorry, that is just too far fetched to be true.