The most Dickensian-sounding footballers

[Lady Whistledown]

[MENTION=15890]danny[/MENTION]oconnor: @warwicksmith @ThickBlueLine

Febian Brandy - debauched French alcoholic, claiming aristo lineage #DickensianFootballers

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Hardman double-act Jack & Joel Lynch: Professional Persuassive Recruitment Consultants (PPRC) for the armed forces.

 

[crasher]

A cocksure, strutting, popinjay - he entreated his associates to refer to him simply as "The Guv'nor"

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Matthew Tubbs, Esq, a peevish, ruddy faced beadle.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Marlon Harewood: penniless travelling salseman & evangelising advocate of 'Harewood's Beautifying Tonic'.

 

[John Bumlick]

Arsène Wenger - male prostitute and member of the Defarge's revolutionary group.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

I see that East London oik Charlie Austin is causing problems in the local inns.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Watch out for Samual (aka 'Sammy') Lee: universally despised butcher's boy, now persuing a career in Sheep Worrying...

 

[World of Sport]

Albion players;
Geoffrey Sidebottom, local butcher
Harold Wilson, MP
Christopher Napier, sailor
Norbert Lawton, solicitor

 

[Pavilionaire]

"Travelling post-haste to an appointment with the Lord Of The Manor of West Bromwich I was most indebted to the gatekeeper Boaz Myhill for allowing me such swift and unfettered access to the grounds."

 

[Shirty]

Mr Frederick Eastwood - Wheelwright (that's the closest I can get to a caravan-based vocation)

 

[Pavilionaire]

Mr Frederick Eastwood - Wheelwright (that's the closest I can get to a caravan-based vocation)

Purveyor of copper wiring and the laying of tarmacadam?

 

[Grombleton]

Seven pages and no mention of the Son of the Lord of the Manor. Mr Troy Archibald-Henville. He's a bit of a ragamuffin, which causes his dear father no end of embarrassment.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Wayne O'Rooney local village idiot or mute.

 

[Perfidious Albion]

Sir Malcolm Poskett was a gentleman of substance and benevolence who gave employment to a young man with an "unfortunate" past and upbringing. Sir Malcom could hope to see good in him and nicknamed him Charlie . This was necessary since he was burdened with the unfortunate name of Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway ......However, the kindness was not appreciated and "Charlie" departed up North at the first opportunity to mix in bad company once again.

 

[Hiney]

News reaches us from Montevideo that renowned philanderer Gustavo Poyet, has been severely injured after an accident at the house of Ambassador Charles Oatway. It is believed Poyet, known to suffer from bouts of dropsy and episodes of delusional behaviour, fell through the ceiling of Oatway's abode, after an argument over the price of a consignment of molasses.

 

[Eeyore]

The name 'Tom Ince' sounds like a ragamuffin from Oliver Twist

 

[DJ NOBO]

Good old George Boyd - he'll sharpen your knives for a shilling

 

[Weststander]

A gang of East Anglian sugar beet farm labourers, who having fallen on hard times, have trekked to the city of Norwich setting up camp on the flood plain of Carrow Road:
Ian Butterworth
Jamie Cureton
Ian Culverhouse
Jeremiah Goss
Bryan Gunn
Robert Ullathorne

 

[KZNSeagull]

Jake Forster-Caskey. Pickpocket. Sneaks up unannounced on unsuspecting visitors.