The most Dickensian-sounding footballers

[Pevenseagull]

Wilfried Zaha

washed up, second rate conjurer ..... with a dodgy past

 

[HAILSHAM SEAGULL]

Wasnt Henry James Redknapp the local spiv

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Sadly there can only be one winner of the most Dickensian-sounding footballer: former Brighton & Hove striker (2009-2010) Liam Dickinson.

 

[Pevenseagull]

nor a footballer, but

Mark Clattenburg, accident prone village idiot

 

[Everest]

Jan Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink, the Dutch owner of the bookmakers that Quinton Fortune works in.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Much feared, shifty-faced money-changer Mr Royston Drenthe.

 

[happypig]

David Goodwillie, a doctor specialising in complaints of the "downstairs" areas
Reuben Noble-Lazarus, a pickpocket to the rich and famous

 

[crasher]

Our journey up the Thames from Chatham and into London pool was skilfully contrived by the ship's captain - Clarence Seedorf.

 

[Nitram]

Theo Walcott, used to be part of Fagin's gang, 10 year old boy with smiling cherub like innocence, quick on his feet, last seen in Newgate infirmary.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Weasel-faced, midget associate of Fagin & general ne'er-do-well, Cole Skuse.

 

[Mowgli37]

Sir Robert Charlton, the kindly Lord of the Manor.

 

[crasher]

On the death of my parents I was articled as an apprentice clerk in the chambers of the stern-visaged lawyer Clayton Donaldson

 

[Lady Whistledown]

On the death of my parents I was articled as an apprentice clerk in the chambers of the stern-visaged lawyer Clayton Donaldson

That's MISTER Clayton Donaldson to you

 

[crasher]

That's MISTER Clayton Donaldson to you

I humbly apologise. The candle-light in my chamber is very weak and my consumption grows daily

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

'Arry Kane, professional ruffian.

 

[Eric Potts]

Forbes Phillipson-Masters : the Lord Of the Manor's dastardly son , who deflowered Jessica the chambermaid.

 

[crasher]

I was astounded to find my former business associate Jack Collison among that unhappy band languishing in Newgate debtors prison.

 

[El Sid]

Hard Times - Chapter 2

'Bitzer,' said Thomas Gradgrind. 'Your definition of a horse.'

"Stephen Dobbie!"

 

[happypig]

Ian Scott Holloway, village idiot

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Edward & Matthew Upson, Esqs: eccentric, unmarried, identical twin proprietors of esteemed local haberdasherers, Upson Bros.