[Misc] Thanks to a thieving toe rag

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I thought a Touareg was a quick, comfortable and refined luxury SUV from VW that comes loaded with clever technology

 

[vegster]

Yeah, it's one of those words that's not used a lot but when it is used, it's always (or nearly always) misspellt (see also shoo-in and bated).

I remember leaving my bike rear light on and finding it nicked. Who's going to make money on a second-hand £5 light?

Years back some scrote unscrewed the rear lens of my Suzuki and stole the stop/tail light out of it then 3/4 rescrewed the lens.... if i had not have clipped it with my leg getting on and it rattled I would have ridden off without knowing Ihad no stop light.... and yes, the bulbs were cheap as chips then !

 

[Jack Straw]

I came home from work, one day in the summer, a few years ago. It was baking hot and I thought to myself....need to get out later....when its cooled a bit and water the hanging baskets....they look a bit droopy. Made myself a cuppa and sat down and watched about an hour of Wimbledon. I had opened the doors and windows to get some air into the place.
Went outside, about an hour later....GONE....the bloody hanging baskets ( x 4 ) had been nicked!!! As I sat there watching tv, with doors and windows open, the toerags had taken them from literally under my nose. I saw some flower heads on the ground, so I followed the trail, off my front and up the road, like a dog following a scent. Saw a boy on a bike and asked him if he had seen anyone carrying hanging baskets. He replied that he had seen two lads, a few minutes before. Sadly, the trail went cold, the flower heads dried up and I gave up.

At least they're able to water them now?

 

[Jack Straw]

A few years' ago, my daughter was driving her Fiesta to work and even with the heater on full blast, she couldn't get the car to warm up. When she arrived at work, as she opened the car's tail-gate, she saw that the rear window had been nicked!

 

[Questions]

Years back some scrote unscrewed the rear lens of my Suzuki and stole the stop/tail light out of it then 3/4 rescrewed the lens.... if i had not have clipped it with my leg getting on and it rattled I would have ridden off without knowing Ihad no stop light.... and yes, the bulbs were cheap as chips then !

Phew......

 

[seagully]

Some smackhead and his smackhead missus once started on me as I was walking home, almost at my front door. The scrap spilled into my hallway once I got the door open. My housemate called the police and hearing the sirens in the distance, the aforementioned Mr and Mrs Scrote scarpered. On her way out, Mrs Scrote decided to pinch a punctured football that was by the front door waiting to go in the bin. Because of this, they got done for aggravated burglary and spent a period of time at Her Majesty's pleasure. The copper who interviewed us said that if she hadn't done that they would probably have got away with a slap on the wrist.

Moral of the story is: always keep a cheap, flat football by your front door just in case...

 

[Pint of Ale and a Burger]

A near-20-year-old web page says: https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-toe1.htm



It appears there may be homophones in play here...

Yes thanks,that's what I thought.
The mentioning of the Sweeney is an interesting one too because I'm sure toe rag was a common phrase used by the police in the 70s and 80s which also points to an old slang word used by the police for a convict or criminal that the Sweeney makers incorporated into the script.
I'm sure I've read it in a Dickens novel too.
I didn't know what a homophone was but I googled it and I think you are correct.

 

[SeagullinExile]

I had a couple do a runner on a £90 bar tab once, they blatantly planned it. However, the stupid tw@t of a woman left a small purse on the table in her haste...it contained £200 in crisp twenties!

I never saw them again.

Karma.

 

[pasty]

A few years' ago, my daughter was driving her Fiesta to work and even with the heater on full blast, she couldn't get the car to warm up. When she arrived at work, as she opened the car's tail-gate, she saw that the rear window had been nicked!

Mrs P had the same with her old BMW 320i. Rear window expertly and neatly removed without any other damage to the car. Caused a very frustrating call with the insurance company who kept insisting she didn't have window damage cover, but as she kept telling them the window wasn't damaged, it was stolen.

 

[Pint of Ale and a Burger]

Some smackhead and his smackhead missus once started on me as I was walking home, almost at my front door. The scrap spilled into my hallway once I got the door open. My housemate called the police and hearing the sirens in the distance, the aforementioned Mr and Mrs Scrote scarpered. On her way out, Mrs Scrote decided to pinch a punctured football that was by the front door waiting to go in the bin. Because of this, they got done for aggravated burglary and spent a period of time at Her Majesty's pleasure. The copper who interviewed us said that if she hadn't done that they would probably have got away with a slap on the wrist.

Moral of the story is: always keep a cheap, flat football by your front door just in case...

If you had just thrown their football back over the fence then none of that would have happened

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Maybe he was a fan of Ludacris and just wanted hose from different area codes?

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

When I was at uni our house was broken into(or the doors left unlocked...). It being a uni house there was nothing worth nicking so he made off with our Nintendo 64 with goldeneye still inserted. Two of my housemates dutifully traipsed off to the police station to report the theft. On their way back they were stopped in the street by a scrote who asked if they wanted to buy an N64.

Hmm, maybe. Has it got any games?

Yeah, goldeneye.

Oh, right. How much do you want for it?

40 quid.

Nah, you're alright mate, we're students, can't afford that much...

The scrote carried on his way while my friends rushed back the 100 yards to the police station to tell them the guy who stole their N64 had just offered to sell it to them and was a minute down the road. Out rushed a policeman to give chase to the thief and make his arrest for the day.

Needless to say the thief got away as it became clear to my watching friends why the police are called the plod...

 

[Weststander]

Apologies for using this thread, but I didn't want to create another just to talk about a burglar.

This thieving c@nt from Littlehampton, visited Brighton to burgle homes. But was caught
https://www.sussex.police.uk/news/sussex/news/court-results/prolific-brighton-offender-jailed-for-burglaries-arson-and-assaulting-police-officer/

One of the lowest crimes imho, personal space violated. Some tossers simply won't do a day's work.

We've been lucky ourselves. But two stories I liked.

- An ex brother in law of mine, quite a hard builder from Shoreham, caught a burglar in his kitchen in the middle of the night. Called the police whilst holding him, then during the wait, my b-i-l delivered some very painful and unnecessary strikes.
- I worked with an older bloke with an incredible temper. He heard a burglar making his way through a bathroom window in the night into his Hove flat. So he was ready and waiting with a club hammer above the window. But then another neighbour disturbed the burglar who ran away. You'd need to know this ill tempered guy to picture it.

I apologise from the bottom of my heart if anyone here is offended as a burglar or a champion of burglars rights.

 

[dazzer6666]

Apologies for using this thread, but I didn't want to create another just to talk about a burglar.

This thieving c@nt from Littlehampton, visited Brighton to burgle homes. But caught
https://www.sussex.police.uk/news/sussex/news/court-results/prolific-brighton-offender-jailed-for-burglaries-arson-and-assaulting-police-officer/

One of the lowest crimes imho, personal space violated. Some tossers simply won't do a day's work.

We've been lucky ourselves. But two stories I liked.

- An ex brother in law of mine, quite a hard builder from Shoreham, caught a burglar in his kitchen in the middle of the night. Called the police whilst holding him, then during the wait, my b-i-l delivered some very painful and unnecessary strikes.
- I worked with an older bloke with an incredible temper. He heard a burglar making his way through a bathroom window in the night into his Hove flat. So he was ready and waiting with a club hammer above the window. But then another neighbour disturbed the burglar who ran away. You'd need to know this ill tempered guy to picture it.

I apologise from the bottom of my heart if anyone here is offended as a burglar or a champion of burglars rights.

Sounds a bit like the two unfortunates who broke into a house to rob it, not realising it was Duncan Ferguson’s place. One ended up in hospital with injuries ‘sustained in a scuffle with the householder’

 

[WATFORD zero]

One of my cousins got married a few years ago and the reception was in a marquee at the West End Cafe (or whatever it has been called for the last 40 years ) halfway along hove seafront between King Alfred and Portslade. The bloke she was marrying was/is Welsh, and an Albion STH, and his family had come down from Wales.

His two sisters were staying at a Guest House towards Portslade and had started to wander back along the seafront in the early hours, when a little scrote decided they were a soft touch and he was going to threaten them with a knife. Unfortunately, he didn't know they were Prison officers and he was still flat down, face pressed to the tarmac and two arms up behind his back when the Police arrived

Funniest thing I've ever witnessed was half a dozen lairy teenagers trying to kick off in a pub full of Psychiatric nurses

 

[Weststander]

One of my cousins got married a few years ago and the reception was in a marquee at the West End Cafe (or whatever it has been called for the last 40 years ) halfway along hove seafront between King Alfred and Portslade. The bloke she was marrying was/is Welsh, and an Albion STH, and his family had come down from Wales.

His two sisters were staying at a Guest House towards Portslade and had started to wander back along the seafront in the early hours, when a little scrote decided they were a soft touch and he was going to threaten them with a knife. Unfortunately, he didn't know they were Prison officers and he was still flat down, face pressed to the tarmac and two arms up behind his back when the Police arrived

Funniest thing I've ever witnessed was half a dozen lairy teenagers trying to kick off in a pub full of Psychiatric nurses

In police docs, suspects when presented to the custody sergeant unluckily always seem to have cuts and grazes to the face. Almost as if their faces were pummeled into tarmac, rugby league tackle style.

 

[METALMICKY]

Whoever is responsible for this deed has most likely been let down by society, it is more than probable that they should be helped, understood and shown some empathy.

A break in the countryside in a calm, soothing environment with all mod cons might offer some solace to the hapless soul.

Indeed and I'm sure we are all distraught that the lovely Katie Price didn't get this

 

[PeterT]

I cut down a tall Eucalyptus tree in our back garden and then, not an easy job, cut the trunk into logs some of which I put under the street tree temporarily as I was going to make a nice feature under there with these as edging and at the same time hoped this might deter cars parking on the planting underneath.

Within, I’m not joking, 20 minutes of putting those logs temporarily there they had gone. And I live in a decent road.

The only thing that made me chuckle is that if they took them as firewood, you really don’t want these logs for that purpose as they can burn and spark quite viciously and cause fires to burn out of control as seen in the Australian bush. Oh well, ***t happens ….!

 

[nickjhs]

Please, can we have the correct spelling of ‘tow rag’ for these tow rags.

It’s what they deserve.

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You beat me to it. Its one of my favourite sayings as the meaning really describes just how despicable you find the person to be.

 

[GT49er]

Yeah, it's one of those words that's not used a lot but when it is used, it's always (or nearly always) misspellt (see also shoo-in and bated).

..... shoo-in and bated - and Connelly ...................